12 year old son has no impuse control

[Orangeboatmango]

Hi, NC for this. Just curious as to whether this is age appropriate? DS seems to just have a thought and act on it. This could be:

• 'I'm hungry' and just starts (slyly) eating the crisps in his packed lunch, even though he's in a science class
• talking in class because well, he wants to just talk and can't stop himself
• trying to search for naked women on his computer (there are filters), even though he knows he shouldn't and doesn't want to get into that but the thougth came into his head and he's meant to be doing homework and he's bored, I guess

I know these are quite random, but they're just examples. We will tell him over and over not to do something...but it's a struggle for him to keep his word

On the flip side, he's incredibly honest and open about all this stuff, which is great

Is he actually hungry? Has he always been like that re the talking in class? 12 year old looking for naked women isn’t really a shocker is it? Hard to say if he is just quite wilful or it’s anything else.

i never said searching for naked women is a shocker. At all. It's an example of an impulse.

Has he never disobeyed you before?

I don't really understand the line of questioning

Has he always been impulsive?

What happens if he starts eating crisps? Does he get a consequence? If so are these consequences helping him to manage his impulsivity?

If the teacher says "put those crisps away" will he answer back? Put them away? Or just eat them more slyly?

I think so many factors in this need analysing to help distinguish if it's inability to control his impulses, a don't care attitude or deliberate willfullness in breaking the rules.

He didn't get caught, but if he did, he would have definitely listened and put them away. He hates to be punished but can't seem to stop himself doing it in the first place, e.g repeated talking

He's wilful but he also wants to do the right thing

It's hard to explain, pick apart

I would say on the limited information here that it's impulse control he struggles with and maybe some anxiety? If you are really desperate to do the right thing it can make you feel a little out of control and you end up doing the wrong thing!

I think if he's not landing himself in trouble repeatedly I'd leave it for now and monitor.

The real issue is when he's getting into trouble consistently and cannot change his ways despite wanting to. If that becomes the case I'd speak to school sendco and/or GP.