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Original poster

I'm 37 but my dad speaks to me like a child ...

14 replies

ingerlinger · 13/03/2023 09:59

I'm 37 and didn't meet my partner till I was 34.
We live together (rent ) and are saving for a house.
My dad gave me (or so I thought ) £1000 towards a deposit.
Now I'm scared to mention I'm going out for a meal or anywhere because he throws it back in my face "going out for a meal when Ive just lent you £1000"
We booked a last min getaway which has only cost £700 for two of us and I've been terrified to tell my dad.
Anyway told him just now and he went off it
"Are you thick,going away when your meant to be saving and owe me £1000,I guess I will never see that again -you stupid kid"
That's actually quite tame for him

He's going to be horrible to me now and I won't dare mention it
I have a dog and he loves him and normally looks after him whilst away
I bet he won't now just to be awkward

I'm nice to my dad,I do his shopping,I see him daily -offer to take him to lunch (he always says no)
Im an only child and mum passed when I was 10.
Im not even excited for my holiday now because it feels tainted.
I've also put on hold trying for a baby because my dad will be furious with me.

I just don't know what to do anymore

OP posts:
Hiphopopotamus · 13/03/2023 10:01

Give him back the money. £1000 is not worth selling your soul for. Ask nothing from him and then he has nothing to hold over you.

pinkyredrose · 13/03/2023 10:01

Give him the money back, he's using it against you.

Seeingadistance · 13/03/2023 10:01

Give the money back to him and seriously reduce your contact with him. Sorry, OP, but he sounds horrible - he is abusive and bullying.

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Seeingadistance · 13/03/2023 10:03

And actually, looking again at your thread heading, it’s not acceptable to speak to a child like that either!

squashyhat · 13/03/2023 10:08

Give him back the money and see if you can get some counselling to give you some perspective. 27 years is a very long time to be enmeshed in this unhappy situation.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 13/03/2023 10:10

Give your dad the money back. (If he gave it to you because you pled poverty, then booked a holiday I'm a bit on his side about being pissed off, although he absolutely shouldn't be talking to you so horribly.)

Original poster
ingerlinger · 13/03/2023 10:12

I didn't plead poverty
I didn't ask for it
He knew we were saving and gave me £1000
I didn't even know it was a long

OP posts:
Original poster
ingerlinger · 13/03/2023 10:12

*loan

OP posts:
FictionalCharacter · 13/03/2023 10:36

He isn’t talking to you like you’re a child, he’s just being very nasty. It wouldn’t be right to speak to a child like that.
Definitely give the money back asap. If he tries backtracking and saying oh no, it was a gift, insist he takes it back, and tell him exactly why i.e. the things he said to you in your OP. He might try that so that he can keep the loan as a stick to beat you with. Don’t back down. Then start seeing less of him, because he really isn’t very nice to you. Get your partner to back you up.

Pseudonamed · 13/03/2023 10:43

Oh I have been there with my mum and I can tell you no amount of abuse and grief is worth it. Beg borrow or steal but get that money back to your dad asap or you will not have a moments peace.

furryfrontbottom · 13/03/2023 10:47

It sounds like you have already more than earned the £1,000, but the easiest way to deal with your father would be to give him back the money and cut contact with him or reduce it drastically. He can do his own shopping and find someone else to bully.

DustyLee123 · 13/03/2023 10:51

I had this with my IL’s. They gave my DH £250 when he was off on long term sick and we were desperate , but then slagged us off behind our backs and told the whole family it was a loan. We scraped together to give it them back, then never asked or took anything from them again.

DustyLee123 · 13/03/2023 10:52

DustyLee123 · 13/03/2023 10:51

I had this with my IL’s. They gave my DH £250 when he was off on long term sick and we were desperate , but then slagged us off behind our backs and told the whole family it was a loan. We scraped together to give it them back, then never asked or took anything from them again.

And I went low then no contact.

80sMum · 13/03/2023 10:52

Your dad's manner leaves a lot to be desired. From what you said, he comes across as very blunt, abrupt and rather rude. Clearly he still feels that he has a say in how the money he gave you is spent (and in fact, he's now saying that it was actually a loan and not a gift).

The answer for you, OP, is simple: repay the loan immediately, with interest, then never accept any money from your dad again in the future.

I do see your dad's point though, in that if you're saving up for a deposit it makes sense to rein in all unnecessary spending, which for me would include holidays and meals out.

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