House dilemma - WWYD

[itsahousedilemma]

I’m an early 20-something and have been private renting with my partner for over a year. We’ve been together 3 years and planning to marry next year. We are desperate to buy a house and get out of the renting trap.

We are very hard workers and I began an apprenticeship at 16 rather than uni. I am now on the equivalent of a nurse’s starting wage. Since 16 I have bought my own clothes and grocery shopping and learned to drive, which taught me to be independent and learn the value of money from a young age.

Bills are continuing to increase which is making it more difficult for us to save. We’ve had lots of financial setbacks such as expensive car repairs and funding qualifications essential for my partner’s career progression: this has impacted on saving. We have about 4000 currently, it would’ve been much higher.

My parents have worked very hard to make a good life for themselves and have paid off their mortgage and are enjoying lots of wonderful holidays now, nearly ready to retire. They have been extremely generous and offered us help with the deposit, with the caveat we save 10k first then they will top up to 20k. We were not expecting this and are very grateful that they want to help.

The house we are renting at the moment is ok but expensive to run. The area is less than great and police are often on the estate which doesn’t make me feel very safe. There’s been increasing issues with the area. We could move back in with my parents but I think it would be encroaching on them, when I did live at home it was always difficult negotiating who would use the kitchen etc and I felt like it caused them stress and I hated that. Partner works shifts too so could wake them up at night. They have offered but I would hate it to strain our relationship. Can’t help thinking if we did and paid all their utility bills we would still be saving an extra thousand a month!

As little as £9000 would be a 5% deposit on a good sized home. I want to buy ASAP as see renting a huge waste of money at this point. Even if we save as much as we can we’re still losing a couple of thousand pounds a month just to be here… it seems silly to prolong this for longer

Would it be incredibly rude to approach my parents to negotiate a little? Even 4k would boost us to a position where we can start looking, and I would never dream of asking for the rest that they would’ve offered. We would definitely be willing to pay them it back over time too. I would rather that than waste more money renting.

Hope for some objective opinions. If I’ve been unreasonable I’d rather be told anonymously on here than upset my lovely parents. Thankyou so much!

Don't forget to factor in costs of moving -solicitors, searches, removals.

Is there a middle way of maybe moving to a small flat for a year or so, so you can save harder? You list a lot of reasons but ultimately I expect your parents are looking for you showing you're taking responsibility. Bluntly that means finding a way to make it happen, because that's what you'd have to do if you had a mortgage. At the moment your list of options seems to be moving in with your parents or asking them to lend you the remainder of the money you need - neither of which are really showing the adult sense of responsibility they are probably trying to encourage in you.

As the above poster said, there’s a lot of costs involved in moving house so you need to prepare for that. If you’re using all your savings for the deposit, you won’t have any cushioning if something was to happen.

I don’t think it would be rude to ask them, especially as they’ve offered for you to move back home to help save so they seem like quite generous people who want to help.

However, you should approach them with an actual plan. A literal spreadsheet of how much money you have coming in vs outgoings, how much you could put aside in savings per month, to show them you’re really serious about making this work

What do you mean negotiate, do you mean put your hand out and ask for more, it’s not rude, it’s just not very grown up is it now op

@Dumpruntime no of course not. I mean ask for less. They are offering to top up once we get to 10k but I would be asking them if the help could be given before we have saved 10k, and much less help

I don't think it's appropriate to "negotiate" for an earlier sum of money, even if it is for a smaller value.

Clearly your parents have set boundaries as they are hoping that you will prove that you can be responsible. It may feel a slog, but then home ownership is a slog. Unexpected car bills are nothing to unexpected house bills, so remember to factor in a decent cushion too.

Also you'll need a couple of thousand for moving and buying costs - even if you got to 5% deposit, that wouldn't necessarily be enough.

If it's awful where you are and your parents would have you home for a while I'd bit their arms off as it would give you a real chance to save up.

You could sign up to do house sitting: property guardian jobs for people to have a break etc from time to time but a year would fly by.