Are most 9-12 year olds doing competitive sport?

[User1438423]

Every Sunday night I see a lot of photographs on social media of DD9's peers weekend sporting achievements. It appears other families dedicate all of every weekend to races, competitions and matches, and I'm wondering if I'm doing a huge disservice to my DD not to have her doing a competitive sport?

In the week she does Brownies, choir, Woodcraft Folk, Spanish class and book club. She also walks a mile to school and back, (2 miles a day) and plays on her trampoline a lot, so she is active. We have membership to a zoo, woodland adventure playground and a science museum, so we usually go to one of those one day, and the other day we go to the library and a local walk or museum. We go to a lot of playgrounds which she loves (has younger siblings too), but I never see photographs of her peers at playgrounds anymore at all.

She did used to do several sports recreationally but we dropped them for various reasons such as not making progress or closing down after Covid, moving house etc am I doing a huge disservice to her not to have her training for something? Or is it just a bit of an echo chamber with those parents I have on Facebook?

I think your DD seems to be doing lots of activities, so I wouldn't worry she's not doing them on Sat/Sun specifically. Just be grateful you don't have to ferry her everywhere at the weekend!!

However, DS10 spends all day Saturday doing football. Sometimes on Sunday he does another sport. My DD16 at aged 9 would've been dancing a lot on a Saturday, but it's just the day they fell on.

Maybe your Facebook friends kids don't do anything in the week.

Not at all. Competitive sport is not for everyone, and is massively overrated by some parents and schools. I’m a psychologist and see so many children pushed into spending their limited free time doing something that isn’t for them, as some sort of ‘character forming’ endurance trail. I’ve lost count of the number of conversations I’ve had with parents where I’m advocating for kids who are made to feel less worthy because they’d rather be seeing, cooking or not arching birds than on a football or rugby field.

DD14 isn’t keen on competitive sports but loves parkour and has really gelled with the other young people. She also does music school, band practice, Morris dancing and Scouts. None are competitive, all are great activities for her.

DS11 considers all forms of organised fun revolting. He builds and paints Warhammer models, makes amazing films with his like-minded friends, visits interesting places ( IWM at Duxford yesterday), plays golf, is building an model railway and watches football matches with grandad. Again, none competitive but all formative, in their own way.

Lol no.

Are these kids at private schools? Mine are at state and they don't have opportunities for this. Occasionally a team might be sent to a netball tournament or something but it's always just the kids who are sporty who are picked.

My 11yo (secondary school) does Scouts plus Dance and Cookery clubs at school. She might do athletics at school next term.
My 10yo (primary school) does Cubs, Rugby twice a week (either two practices or a practice and a game) plus drama club at school. (It was choir but that's stopped to allow them to concentrate on the play instead)

They both do paddlesports, climbing and skating with us, not as an organised activity.

I don't think you are doing her a huge disservice, she is doing a lot of other activities. I do though think participating in team sports offers benefits which go beyond the fitness aspect - teamwork and resilience being the main two. So if one of her other activities comes to a natural end I would see if you can find a team sports she could have a go at instead. But it's up to you and her.

I think what you’re missing is a team sport. Lots of kids round here play Hockey, Netball, Rugby, Football etc at the weekend for various local teams.

Does she enjoy sports? If not, don't push her into them.

All families are different. Our children are younger than the age bracket you mention/your kids - but we knew always that we’d encourage sports and team sports and they both really have taken to it. So yes for better or for worse, there are indeed matches (all friendlies) for the older infants one and the younger siblings also does various sporty things. You also do lots with yours - it’s just that it’s a different set of things. Just like ours is sports heavy but by no means only sports. Each to their own.

I definitely don't think all kids do! My eldest swims and rides but neither competitively! My younger one doesn't do any sport but does do 3 hours of music tuition on a Saturday

Dd does ballet, clarinet and horse riding. She views team sports as the work of the devil and doesn’t want anything to do with them, so we don’t push her. She has lost of friends through her activities but if she did much else we wouldn’t have any time together as a family.

i don’t get kids who have these long lists of hobbies and every waking minutes packed with stuff - how are they not exhausted?!?

I have 3 dcs. DC2 danced competitively for a while but none of them did sports competitively. 2 of them hated sports full stop.

I personally think there is huge value in sport for girls, and team sport for everyone. It doesn’t have to be hugely competitive.

The numbers of adolescent girls who do not do enough exercise (85% according to the WHO) is very worrying indeed and sets them up for a lifetime of inactivity. Team sports are great for learning lessons that are useful in later life, and can help with friendships outside of school in a period that can be tricky.

My 9 yo DS does Cubs, drama school half a day at the weekend and football on a Friday organised by school. I think that's plenty!

All team sports taught me is that you are bullied if you are bad at them.

Mine both do. It's a lot of hard work (for us, as much as them!) but worth it.

They get so much out of being in a team.

But obviously it's not for everyone, so just follow your DD's lead.

There's more than one sort of team... drama groups, choirs, orchestras etc are teams as well.

DS swam competitively and did scouting at that age. Not something we planned, he was just very good at it.

He retired when he was 16 and I can’t say we miss the treadmill of training and competition.

I agree @PuttingDownRoots , and things like Scouts/Guides etc can also give that same team feel and offer opportunities like residentials and trips.

I feel it's hugely important for DC to have interests, hobbies and sport outside of school. I agree there's no need to push sport if it's not your DC thing but it does tick that box for a lot who are keen/willing. Having friends/connections outside of school is so important to help you weather the pressure cooker of school friendships in the tween/teen years, and I do think having other adults to engage with can help dc who may otherwise become fairly introverted in adolescence to keep practising social skills that stand then in good stead for interviews etc later.

The stats @SellFridges mentions really struck home with me and I've noticed older DD's friends practically disappear from sports clubs etc as they progress through high school. In yr 7 there were gangs of them waiting to be picked up from matches and we had lots of options for lift shares, nowadays they can barely field a team for things. I can't help but feel that a lot more could be done to tackle this, rather than everyone accepting it as a phenomenon. Feels like a feminist issue.

Back to op, comparison is the thief of joy, remember. No one's way of spending their weekends is better or worse. If you and your dad are happy and healthy, no need to change anything.

Fair point @PuttingDownRoots on the different kinds of teams.

Not sure I agree about the bullying point if you are bad at team sports. I’m sorry you had a poor experience though @Sewannoying