Hi all, I'm so confused about what on earth is going on.
I've recently separated from my husband, we have 2 preschool aged DCs. There is a history of DV (with the most recent incident reported to police (who are sitting on it as they don't think it's the right time to begin an investigation - that's another thread).
Since he left a month or so ago we have had very difficult discussions around contact with the children and I'm not always sure about what decisions are fair for everyone. I feel pulled in to being physically present during the arrangements and he's been quite cavalier about the children's safety. Last time he was quite clearly drunk, for example. I've put a hold on making further arrangements between ourselves as I'm finding it beyond stressful to manage and also not particularly safe myself. I've suggested a contact centre for the time being.
This is obviously a very brief summary without all the ins and outs but I feel like it's surely a cut and dry decision that if he's drinking heavily at the moment then contact needs to be supervised? And ideally without me involved? And it needs to wait until that can be set up?
His family are not happy.
The two members of his family I've spoken to have been putting quite strong pressure on me to continue to arrange contact with him despite being told literally the basics I've written here. I'm tying myself in knots trying to justify it and starting to question myself. I've had my guard up expecting all the usual denial and minimisation from exDH but now it's coming from his family too I'm feeling a bit unsure. They have been questioning my current mental health (between themselves) it seems and also feel that episodes of mental illness I've had during our relationship (severe PND after both children) have traumatised him. They keep bringing this up to me... as if I didn't also (and probably more so!) find these times quite traumatic?!
Anyway I am very confused about their motives here. I'm not sure if they think I'm just being vindictive or something? I genuinely want to support a safe and happy relationship between the children and their father if possible but I'm finding their involvement a bit pressured and I feel like they are prioritising contact at all costs and not actually considering the children's welfare, or mine.
Any advice?