Hi all, I'm planning a hen party for my friend for this summer and really struggling :( I'm really not much of a leader and am a massive overthinker so I feel out of my depth. I'm also not really getting much from the other bridesmaids atm, so I do feel like it's mainly down to me to organise or at least get the ball rolling.
The bride hasn't given me much to go by, but has mentioned an activity and dinner. I discussed some activities with the other bridesmaids and we suggested maybe doing a poll when we start the group chat for the hen do, so those invited can choose between two. As it'll be an activity that will require us changing afterwards, I also suggested a hotel we can use as a base and we can play games, get ourselves ready for the evening etc. There is no pressure for anyone to stay, however the room is there if the bride and maybe one of the other bridesmaids wish to stay over, and others can book to stay there too if they like or arrange their own accommodation.
Something I'm a bit stumped with though, is who should pay for a room used as a base? I was going to just pay it myself as a treat to the bride, but some of my friends who i've asked for advice (they're not involved in the planning but have been helping me out) say that anyone using the room to get ready should contribute. What if some of the girls have their own accommodation though? I can't expect them to pay for the base room too surely. What if people who don't go to the activity come over to join in the fun but don't need to use the room to get ready?
I feel asking everyone to pay for the room just to get ready and play party games in will overcomplicate things. Is this something just the bridesmaids/main planners should pay for, or should I just pay it myself? Paying it myself just removes any awkwardness but maybe I'm just being too much of a people pleaser and avoiding any potential issues with the other girls. I don't know lots of them well at all, and I haven't met the other bridesmaids so I don't know everyone's situation.
One of my friends (not involved in planning) says to do the group chat first and put in a rough plan and the date to gauge interest, but I don't think we have even got a rough plan yet.
Is it best to just start a group chat myself, even if I'm not getting much response from the other bridesmaids? When they do reply it's just in agreement and not much enthusiasm or input, so I don't know whether to just fire ahead with starting the group chat myself. I haven't received a response to the hotel room as a base suggestion or restaurant ideas so I'm just holding back waiting on a reply but worried time will just tick on and we're too late to book. At what point to I just go ahead and sort things myself if I'm getting nothing?
I'm not sure if I'm just overthinking everything in my head or if this is genuinely something that is a challenge. I planned my sister's hen party previously but it was only a small group, but we had people complaining the next day that they paid too much after everyone agreed to split the bill equally and pay for my sisters too. I think this experience has made me more conscious of people's money situations and not everyone is happy to pay extra. I totally get it with the CoL crisis and want to make sure I'm not costing everyone more than they want. Just don't know how to go about this and appreciate any advice.