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Original poster

Did anyone find having kids added to their relationship?

17 replies

fairylightfanatic · 11/03/2023 21:22

There are so many threads on here about relationships worsening after children. Particularly over the last couple of days. I’m really shocked to read some of the comments and imagine it puts people off having DC

I understand children can be a test, but I have to wonder if the building resentment in some marriages described on here is representative of real life?! Surely not.

On a more positive note, did anyone’s relationship change for the better after having kids? Of course having a baby won’t improve a strained relationship, but what about if your existing relationship is already good and your DH/DP does an equal share?

OP posts:
balancingfigure · 11/03/2023 21:26

Yes I think our joint love of DD made us closer- it was like how did we manage to make this!

DownInTheDumpster · 11/03/2023 21:28

Our relationship is certainly no worse than before (we’ve always had a good relationship imo!) and even on the longest nights, through tiredness, teething, tantrums etc I can honestly say I’ve loved DH as much as ever and I think and hope he feels the same! The feeling on a Sunday of all sitting down to a roast together chatting and laughing with our 2 kids makes me love him 100 x more.

Led9519 · 11/03/2023 21:29

My dh is a great Dad and we split things 50/50 so has made me love him more.
it is stressful but we don’t get stressed with each other in a way.
His driving and car journeys are another matter though!!! Reasonable chance of divorce after any long drive 😂

Randomuser9876 · 11/03/2023 21:31

My DH has always been lovely but he really stepped up when DD was born so I loved him even more and became more tolerant of his minor failings as he was such a good dad!!

Don't have a baby with a twat and you'll be fine.

BrendaWearingBaffies · 11/03/2023 21:32

Yeah it added plenty to the relationship. Stress!

Fleur405 · 11/03/2023 21:33

Yes of course it did as we now have a daughter who is both of ours and who just brings us so much laughter and joy. We did bicker a bit when she was newborn - which we don’t do normally - but extreme sleep deprivation and that feeling of not really knowing what you’re doing would make even a saint a little bit tetchy! We do everything 50:50 (except putting the bins out is always his job because I’m usually in my pyjamas by the time we remember).

meow1989 · 11/03/2023 21:34

Dh and I and had a strong and equal relationship before Ds (4) was born and we continue to have one after. Life is more focused on Ds than us of course now but we are eachothers people and that hasn't changed. We have a wonderful time as a family and dh and I make sure to get dates and time together in where we can too.

Having DS just feels like the next progression in our lives and it's a journey we're taking very much together. It might be relevant to note that we met in our teens and were together for 12 years before having DS though, so we knew eachother inside out and knew we shared the same ethos when it comes to parenting.

Namesfordays · 11/03/2023 21:35

I’m a new mum, still in the newborn bubble but I have never been more in love with my OH, having a family and watching him step up to the dad has just made me fall in love more and more everyday. I know it’s early days but I’m loving it whilst it lasts and long may it continue 🙏🏻

oldwhyno · 11/03/2023 21:36

Every child we had added a new dimension to our relationship. A new depth and strength.

I don’t know if we’d still be together without children. With children we always will be.

Mehmeh22 · 11/03/2023 21:36

Well you're asking a leading question. Your relationship WILL change. Sorry if you don't want to hear that. It might be less stressful if you have a lot of support around you. For me it was moving from one to two. We couldn't tag team anymore and it has been relentless....Covid hasn't helped

AnneLovesGilbert · 11/03/2023 21:37

Yes.

He already had two DC so I knew he was a good dad but having DD made me love, admire and respect him even more. It felt like the best project we’d ever taken on and we’ve supported each other and found new things we love about each other in the years since. We’re having another one in a couple of weeks and he’s been nothing but epic throughout the pregnancy so I hope things continue well.

People talk about a baby being a grenade being thrown into a relationship but it isn’t always that way and it’s made us a stronger, happier, more cohesive team/partnership.

We had a terrible time getting there which may be relevant. As shit as those years were they also made us stronger.

BrutusMcDogface · 11/03/2023 21:37

14 years down the line with four of them and I can say the stress of it all is pushing us apart, in contrast with the early days when it was amazing and he was a wonderful dad to our babies. Now everything is a massive slog.

Pollywoddles · 11/03/2023 21:37

I feel like our DD has brought us closer. Yes there have been plenty of hard times when we’ve been sleep-deprived and snappy but now that it’s us three - it just feels whole, I can’t describe it. He’s a great father and has been a brilliant support to me during birth and after, I couldn’t have asked for more.

Mehmeh22 · 11/03/2023 21:39

Notice how most of these are with one child or in the early days.......

ShiverOfSharks · 11/03/2023 21:45

DC definitely tested us. Before DC, frankly everything was pretty easy and our first DC showed us new frayed, exhausted, selfish sides of ourselves that inevitably rubbed harshly against each other.

But we got through that. And the DC got older and started sleeping and got easier. And it's added a new depth and a new type of shared love to our marriage, as well as a new appreciation of and respect for each other's contribution. We are truly partners and I value what he does for me and the DC more than I ever did when it was just the two of us. I see his flaws more, inevitably, and no doubt he sees mine, but that also makes me value his ability to be truly giving and graceful in the way he supports all of us.

Or, less flowery: sleep deprivation shreds the psyche and makes you a selfish beast. Nobody has a happy marriage when all you can think of is which of you gets to snatch the few shreds of sleep your body is screaming for. But then they start sleeping (usually) and it comes down to, was and is your respect and love for each other enough to listen to each other, help each other, and put being kind above being right.

BelleSauvage9 · 11/03/2023 21:45

My relationship actually ended before our dd was born but when she was born dp really grew up and became a great dad and partner. We decided to give it another go and, apart from a few niggles here and there (typical stresses of life and having a baby), we've been much stronger and a better team than ever before. So for us it really did seem to make things change for the better 😊

BrutusMcDogface · 11/03/2023 21:54

Mehmeh22 · 11/03/2023 21:39

Notice how most of these are with one child or in the early days.......

Abso-fucking-lutely!

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