Should I encourage DD to have a bigger party so she can invite her classmates?

[gwrachod]

It's DD's 10th birthday coming up, and for her party, she wants to do an activity where you can only have a few people doing it.

It would mean she could only invite 5 friends.

DD has lots of friends. I'm not saying she's one of the "popular girls" just that she's a friendly confident child and plays with lots of other kids, many of whom consider her one of their close friends.

Two of the friends she wants to invite are family friends not in her school and 1 is in the other class, so that would mean only 2 friends from her class.

When I think of all the parties she's been invited to by her classmates, some of whom she sits with and plays with every day, and I know they consider themselves her close friends, I expect they will be disappointed and surprised to not be invited. Plus all the playdates after school etc, and favours me and the mums have done for each other.

What should I do? At 10, is this basically her choice as and I should but out?

I was thinking maybe I could say the activity is a birthday treat, not her party and have a house birthday party as well? But is that nuts? I suggested it to DD and I was surprised she wasn't jumping at the idea of 2 parties! (Not totally against it, mind).

WWYD?

Surely when it is your birthday, you get to choose what you want to do.

I like a party - music, dancing, lots of people - but dh hates all that, so we choose what suits us.

I am quite surprised at the idea of big numbers being invited for parties once they get to 10. IME, once they get to junior age it becomes more common to choose your actual friends, and the activity you would like to do, rather than parents trying to do what they think they "ought to" do.

So, no, do the activity she wants to do, with the people she wants to do it with.

For dds birthday she wanted a sleepover and I said max 3 friends as we don’t have space for more. I’m sure some were upset they weren’t invited. Dd is like yours. Lots of friends. Plays with everyone but no one has fallen out with her over it. I say to her if she’s not invited to someone’s party you can’t be invited to everything and remember you didn’t invite everyone to yours. By that age they are old enough to understand