Husband advice

[Frustrated567]

Advice please:
My husband left his stressful job recently due to his mental health. He’s now got a much lower paid/stress-free job. But he keeps saying how stressed he is about money. I have increased my hours from part time to full time which is making me more stressed.

I’m increasingly frustrated with him that he keeps complaining about lack of money but doesn’t do anything about it.

Should I be more sympathetic? Or am I right to feel frustrated and feel like he could find a better paid job now his mental health has improved?

Have you spoken to him about getting a better paid job? Did you both decide he should leave his old one or just his decision? What’s the plan for money? Seems like you need a proper discussion about what’s next

Maybe suggest you sit down together and work out a budget.

What @Marchforward said, sit down and do a spreadsheet of incoming and outgoings, look for savings, put money as kids each month for stuff like car insurance etc so when it's due you have the money. Also put aside for holidays, but realise that things like foreign holidays will be a no no die to costs. Tbh he'll have to accept that you won't have as much deposable income and come to terms with it. You can't have a lower paid job and still have the same standard of living. But I'd also say that a less stressful job can be worth more than money

Great advice, thank you!

I did this and the guilt I felt for doing so was horrible. I felt I'd let everyone down.

So he probably feeling incredibly guilty and this is manifesting as stress.

Are you happy to live on his lower wage? Have you reassured him you can work things out? Does he need to be stressed? Do you send him to get a better paying job? Is it worry you can't pay the bills or is he worried he can't buy a new BMW?

Could he do more hours i his stress free job? Or could he get a part time job in an equally stress free field eg delivery?

Thank you. This is really good to hear it from your perspective. I think he does feel the stress and guilt, but he doesn’t communicate that to me.

Did you agree to go full time before he quit did you do a budget? How bad is his MH does it affect your home life? Be careful you don’t sacrifice your own MH for his.

Also, we have cut all corners possible. We have gone from two cars to one, we manage the childcare between us to cut childcare costs (which is a big stress), we don’t have online food shops anymore, and only eat food on offer or reduced…There’s not much more we can do. It’s more me that finds it hard with these cuts. He’s quite happy with a treat-free life. I miss takeaways, buying new outfits, going out occasionally, buying a takeaway coffee without feeling guilty…

This is what I feel is happening…I don’t feel like I have a good balance at the minute. We didn’t agree that I would work full time - I did it out of necessity. His MH is a lot better now. But he was in a VERY bad place. So I don’t want to go back there again and therefore need to be careful not to push anything on him…