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Original poster

When your children grow up and leave home...

86 replies

putchyrsg · 11/03/2023 16:49

Don you have any plans? For example are you going to downsize, move to a different location, eat out every night ( without feeling guilty that kids need to be fed) all lighthearted of course. My boys are teenagers and we have a holiday home an hour anyway. I plan to fully spend my summers there and enjoy not having to clean a whole big house ( and pick up after people all day)

Just curious to see if people have any little goals/ plans they are looking forward to once the responsibilities of young children are gone

OP posts:
2023istheyearigetmyacttogether · 11/03/2023 19:35

Whilst I understand that the problems older children face are more serious, there will hopefully be periods when they are settled and, provided they don't need care or other daily support, I may as well worry about them on a coastal walk in the U.K. or on a city break abroad.
It's the idea of not being responsible for all of the meals and not having to do endless drop offs and pick ups that I'm looking forward to.

Spendonsend · 11/03/2023 19:39

I think i might get a harp as well. And go to the theatre a lot

Roselilly36 · 11/03/2023 19:43

Dreading this stage tbh. Although I know DH & I will be fine relationship wise. We will both miss our boys very much. One of our sons plans to move out next year, our youngest son has no plans as yet. Of course we appreciate life moves on, it’s not easy to accept. We have already downsized, from our large family home, so no plans to downsize further. We may possibly move to our holiday home by the coast in time, but atm we like living in the city.

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Families
DemBonesDemBones · 11/03/2023 19:44

I tell my kids that I'm going to get more dogs when they leave home and name them after them. Grin

DottyLS · 11/03/2023 19:54

Verylongtime · 11/03/2023 17:17

The worries of being a parent of young adults are worse. Everything is much more serious. You like to think your DC are sorted and your parenting job is done once they go to university or got their degree, etc, but it’s actually got much worse, because the problems they might have are now serious, and as parents it’s hard to know what to do. All the worries you had about GCSEs and A levels pale into significance.

100 % this.

MadisonAvenue · 11/03/2023 20:02

No plans as yet, but we like where we live so not sure downsizing is something we’d do although we do have dreams of moving north to somewhere rural.

Our sons are 25 and 22. The oldest moved back home after university, then moved out to live with his girlfriend of six years last year and was back home six weeks later as they split up. His plan was to save like crazy for six months and buy somewhere on his own but since then interest rates rises have made things more difficult so it looks like he’ll be home for much longer than he initially planned.

The younger one has no plans to move out yet, he has a girlfriend of 5 years and they’re busy enjoying life at the moment, now that she’s back home after being away at university.

weegiemum · 11/03/2023 20:04

Mine are 23 (just finishing uni and living with her partner locally, 21 (after a delayed start, a first yr nursing student but in a flat with friends locally) and 19 (finishing up hnd, got a ft job lined up and still living at home for the next couple of years).

We can now organise holidays, trips to our second home, nights out etc without worrying about anything except the dog, who very happily goes to kennels here and there. We're away for 10 days in March to the outer Hebrides and really looking forward to it!

They're all financially a bit/lot reliant on us, but that's the easy part. The 19yo (dd2) is still quite emotionally reliant too, but I quite like that.

We're going to be where we are for a while yet but when dh retires (10+ years still) we're planning to move back to our house in the Hebrides and enjoy a more relaxed pace of life, with plenty travelling thrown in!

FrownedUpon · 11/03/2023 20:11

Lots of travel planned. We may buy a camper van and travel the UK first, then expand to Europe. We plan to spend at least a month abroad each winter, just chilling by the sea & hiking.

shinynewapple22 · 11/03/2023 20:16

Our DS is early 20s and lives with his GF a couple of miles away . No downsizing for us as our home is only 2 bedrooms, one living room anyway. I have taken over DS's bedroom for my home office and a separate quiet place to relax away from the TV.

We had already started going for weekends and holidays with just myself and DH - but it is nice to know that the house will be the same as when we left it and not having to worry about teenage parties etc

Its really nice that they live so close as we still spend lots of time together but now have a good relationship as adults rather than the arguments about mess and noise etc that you get with teenagers.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 11/03/2023 20:18

We plan on travelling. We've got a home we adore, and have no intention of moving, so there will always be a room for my dd at home, the difference is we'll probably not be there

sunflowerdaisyrose · 12/03/2023 00:17

I spend so many evenings and weekends supporting them in their extra curricular activities - I do enjoy it and they're way more talented than me, but I'm looking forward to having more time to do my own activities again (I do still do one weekly club that's just for me!)

I'm also looking forward to just spending more time with my husband!

I love our house though and we may well there forever!

Zippedydoo123 · 31/05/2023 13:45

It will be an opportunity to enjoy more time on my hobbies plus do more reading and possibly a morning volunteer work at a local charity shop if I feel up to it. Plus I am one of those lucky people who really enjoys their job so plan to do two days work weekly even in retirement.

Ishouldbeoutside · 03/06/2023 14:53

DottyLS · 11/03/2023 19:54

100 % this.

Show quote history

This is so true.

PensionPots · 03/06/2023 15:12

Looking in to this genuine plan for maybe in 2 years, DS would live in our house with his GF and give a token amount of rent to cover wear and tear and pays all bills, as they are living here We go off in a camper van around the UK and parts of Europe. We then go to America and buy a van there and travel round the US and Canada , selling it before we fly back. We have relatives scattered across four different states there. When we get much older we will go on cruises, have done a couple already and then when a bit knackered we will get a small dog and pootle round local woodlands. We are looking at around 3 years of travelling a lot. DS can save far more than if he rents privately and looks after the house which I don’t want to leave empty for months at a time. By then he will be about 27 and should have a decent deposit especially if him and his GF hopefully stay together.

Beezknees · 03/06/2023 15:19

I plan on moving. The only thing keeping me here is DS's schooling, I wouldn't move at such a critical time. I actually plan to move when he goes to university. No idea where yet, I'll wait and see what uni he goes to first as I don't want to move somewhere that will be awkward for him to get to. I have a housing association property so I'll look at doing a swap, so really I can go anywhere as long as the rent is affordable.

Radiohorror · 03/06/2023 15:21

Enjoy life while you can as well as planning a future!
Our youngest went to uni in 2019. We had one big trip & then COVID. DH has been ill for a year so no traveling, or much of anything really. Now we will never do those things, at least not together. So retirement isn't always as you plan it!

Flatandhappy · 03/06/2023 15:22

Our youngest two are still at Uni and living at home. DH has his own company and can work remotely and I have recently retired so we travel a lot. We spend an average of four months overseas each year, our kids are expected to manage the house and pets, they get to live at home (5 bed house with pool in Aus so not exactly a hardship) and we are living our best life. They are very welcome to stay here as long as they like then we will make other plans.

porkpiesinthepark · 03/06/2023 15:28

Split from their dad last year and so plans are looking a bit different now. Better!
I'm leaving my children the house and will move into a camper. Travel around europe, practice my Spanish and Portuguese. That or foster. Look after my parents as well.

Abracadabra12345 · 03/06/2023 15:29

Spendonsend · 11/03/2023 17:09

I have a feeling we will be financially responsible for my youngest for the rest of our lives and beyond via a trust due to his SEN but I am hoping we can get ourselves a 2 bed flat, by the sea with a good village cente.

We're in that position and our Disability Trust fell apart, thanks to the bastard bank which stopped doing them. Can I ask what Trust you have / bank as we're getting nowhere? Assuming you have one of course and not planning one in the future

Iwishikneweverything · 01/07/2023 18:49

Be careful what you wish for. My last child left and the house fell silent. There’s plus and minus when this happens. You can suit yourself but there’s seven days to fill. It’s important to keep busy and try not to let your friendships slide when your busy rearing your children because when the door closes on the last one, you will need them.

ssd · 01/07/2023 19:10

Ours are grown. We've spent the day having sandwiches and a flask of tea on the beach.

Bloody great.

MissyB1 · 01/07/2023 19:18

Only the Last one left at home now, and hes 14. I’m making plans for us to downsize, looking forward to last minute holidays (term time of course). And hopefully more hobbies.

gertide · 01/07/2023 19:48

We live in a central part of London so it's possible the DCs would come to live at home after uni as it's a great location to reach most workplaces and socialise. Our eldest is autistic and likely to live with us permanently.

But once they're old enough to sort out their own evenings and meals, I'm looking forward to doing evening classes again - I would do them most nights before we had dc. And seeing adult plays (we take dcs to childrens theatre often - actually I'm already looking forward to taking them to more grown up plays when they are teens). I will get back into doing more creative pursuits, and possibly doing more higher ed for my own interest.

At some point we'll have to sell this house as there are 5 floors and I won't manage the stairs forever. But we'll stay in central London, I'd find it too inconvenient to live elsewhere as publictransport is so easy here.

I'm not fearful of having days to fill or desperately needing friends though. I've never had many friends and enjoy my own company, and DH's.

frozendaisy · 01/07/2023 19:50

Move to Bath out of a school catchment.

Paint landscapes from life.

Luxury travel.

Lie-ins

Paper newspaper deliveries, coffee, slow mornings.

AuntieMarys · 01/07/2023 19:54

It's great 😀
I remarried, moved away and have a great life.