If you live a distance (1-2 days travel) from family, how often do you visit?

[MigratorySheep]

We live away from family. It's a hassle to get there - 2 days by car/ferry or expensive to fly.
We last visited 5 years ago as a family and one of us took the DC more recently for a short trip. We said we would go this year but we are having reservations. There is nothing to do with the DC - we have done the limited tourist stuff many times. Family who we visit do not really seem to like spending time with my DC, although they will tell anyone and everyone they do. We are concerned it will not be a holiday for us as we will have to continually keep the peace - between us as a family and the rest of the family. We are expected to fall into line with what everyone else wants to do. The DC are active - which definitely doesn't fit in with the lifestyle of the rest of them, yet giving them screens is also frowned upon.
Rural south so cliff top walks and beaches are the only things to do. We are balking at the idea of 10 days of the same, and not sure about the DC.
There will be offence taken if we don't go and "elderly, can't come to you" card will be played.

How often do you go back to visit relatives if you moved away and they live in the arse end of nowhere?

We live a day’s drive from family (9 hours). We see them probably 3x a year. They usually come to us 2x and we go there once (sometimes it’s all 3x they come to us). They are very capable of travel and childfree so easy for them to do most of the traveling. We also actually like them.

What about making a trip and staying nearby but doing your own thing half the days? We live in on rural sw coast with 2 young dc and there are plenty of things to do unless all you want is big shopping centres.

We aim at once a quarter but it's very hard to be so far away.

Surely it's their turn to come to you?

plenty of things
like what? We've covered the main tourist attractions each time we've been there. The DC are 11 & 13 so not young DC who'd be happy with a bucket and spade all day long.
They said last time they visited us that they would not be doing it again.
There is no nearby that we can really afford once we've paid to get there.

@MigratorySheep I have family in Scotland that I used to visit regularly with DS but the last couple of visits we've been made to feel like we're in the way. I used to visit maybe 3 times a year (it's a flight or ferry and long car journey away). Last time I decided that I was done with the effort and expense and I haven't been back in a year.
My DS is 7 and not particularly hard work but he's afraid of dogs and family I visit have dogs that aren't particularly well trained which jump up on you.
Plus it's getting to the point I'd rather save that money towards a holiday in the sun.

When we lived 5hrs by plane, we came home twice a year. Both sets of grandparents visited 2-3 times a year.

last couple of visits we've been made to feel like we're in the way.
yes! That's how we feel. They say they want us there, then huff and puff that things aren't like they usually are!

I am1-2 days flying time from family.
So technically within your peramters of 1-2 days travel.

Pre-covid- about once every 18 months and they came here about once every 18 months.

Nothing since covid. Have not seen them for 4 years.

If it was 1-2 days driving time?

Mybe 1-2 times a year at most I would say.

Oh, and the problem with living so far away (as my DH says) is that all the holiday is spent sitting on other people's sofas.

Haven’t been to in-laws in about 8yrs and mine in 5.5yrs. Sigh.

When we were most of a days plane travel away, we all used to come back every summer, and we used to alternate my parents visiting or me and the kids going back for a second visit each year.

On the coast and active kids, and surfing or similar the kids could do?

So don't go. If you don't want to visit, there's no law that says you have to do it. Just be more assertive.

At that age surely they can entertain themselves with phones/ tablets/ telly plus go out for family walks. This is going to be you in the not so distant future, imagine if your kids huffed and puffed about coming to see you.

Not really @MrsPelligrinoPetrichor Tv is only allowed in the evenings and then only what relatives wish to watch. And so loud the DC don't want to stay in the room. Tablets/phones are complained about. Watersports not possible.

is that all the holiday is spent sitting on other people's sofas. making sure the DC stay quiet so the adults (generally not us) can enjoy their conversation in peace