Friend of 20+ years.
8 years ago my ExH had an affair which I suspected but he denied. I then found a secret phone and booted him out. We had two kids under two.
I don’t have family in the UK so relied heavily on a friendship group.
About six months in I discovered they’d been meeting up with ExH and his new partner (the affair lady). When I found out I told them it was too raw for us to share friends at the moment so I was going to step away.
One of the friends was awful about this and sent me a pretty rough tirade over email (four pages!!). A second was supportive and I’m still in touch with (she didn’t meet with ExH). The last (third) one called me out of the blue months later to apologise and said she could see my point of view. We text occasionally and send cards. I recently asked to meet and she’s just blanked me which hurts. Other people have suggested she’s too scared of the angry friend (who is quite domineering) to meet me, as apparently my name is mud to angry friend.
I think probably I just need to let it go. It hurts that she won’t meet me in case angry lady finds out. Or if it’s not that why does she send cards and stuff? It’s unsettling I guess and triggers a lot of the abandonment/betrayal the affair left me with. I know she still socialises with ExH and his now wife (we all get along fine now). I’ve got lots of other friends and don’t ‘need’ this in my life… is it worth keeping civilities going or should I just wind it down because it’s dead anyway?