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How to become confident again?

1 reply

OneTwoP · 11/03/2023 10:44

Hoping for some tips or good news stories about moving on from rock bottom! I did used to be confident in the past.

I recently decided to resign my job due to an undermining boss, who was my friend in public but then tore me down in private. She would tell me if she didn't like the way I looked or get annoyed if I wasn't always smiling. There was always the looming threat of being pushed out if she wasn't happy with work etc. Walking on egg shells. When I quit she blamed the fact I'm a single parent to her superiors, as all knew I was a good employee. I didn't pursue it further as other staff had reported her similar behaviour towards them but nothing was ever done. It was a toxic place.

I start my new job in two weeks and need to regain my confidence. I'm very worried it may have similar problems, logic tells me I can move on again if so.

How do you become confident? My exH was also emotionally abusive so trying to move on from that too.

I am generally a hard working and conscientious person, do my best as a parent (even if far from perfect) and try to be a decent friend.

OP posts:
whatwouldAnnaDelveydo · 11/03/2023 11:03

Self compassion helped me. Talking to myself in a nice tone. Congratulating myself for every tiny achievement, not berating me for the shortcomings. Paying a lot of attention to my self talk. (I even made a joke of it: "well done! You managed to make the bed before breakfast, that's great! Doesn't matter if the other tasks didn't get done, you have a tidy bed now. Here's an imaginary golden star for you")
Sounds silly, but doing that constantly made a big difference. (And I also had an abusive XH who destroyed my confidence)

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