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Original poster

Dd doesn’t play with toys, am I a failure?

33 replies

CalculatingSuccess · 11/03/2023 09:56

Dd does not play with toys. She never has done. She is nearly 6. Have I got her the wrong toys? Am I playing with her the wrong way? Is it too late to learn how to play? I have spent the past 6 years sat with her, letting her take the lead and joining in but she just doesn’t play with toys no matter what I try. I am worried that I have ruined her brain development. Help!

OP posts:
Beamur · 11/03/2023 09:57

What does she like doing?

NannyR · 11/03/2023 10:00

How does she spend her time outside of school, activities etc?

Original poster
CalculatingSuccess · 11/03/2023 10:00

Colouring in, going to the park and watching tv. We didn’t have a tv until she was 3.5, but even then she didn’t play with toys. She was happier helping me around the house. Now all she wants is tv tv tv. We have boxes and boxes of crafts, board games etc but she dismisses everything. I’m doing it all wrong and I hate myself for it.

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Original poster
CalculatingSuccess · 11/03/2023 10:03

I am a really anxious person so I tend to hover wherever she is and constantly try to engage her in other activities but everything just gets met with a hard no. We have a playroom that is basically a storeroom as she avoids going in there. I feel like we are at some kind of crisis point developmentally and I don’t want to get it even more wrong than I already am.

OP posts:
Original poster
CalculatingSuccess · 11/03/2023 10:04

We swim a lot and go to squirrels, and she sees her Dad every second weekend. She likes being with other children as she is an only child.

OP posts:
BuffaloCauliflower · 11/03/2023 10:05

I wouldn’t be concerned about the lack of toys if she were doing other things, but ONLY watching TV at home isn’t great. Colouring in and going to the park are great though. Could you try a TV detox, none at all for a month or something, let her get bored and find things she wants to do. Boredom isn’t a bad thing, it can lead to creativity. What does she do if you say the TV isn’t going on?

AnonymousArabella · 11/03/2023 10:05

Stop pushing it.

limit the tv - be really clear on the limits & absolutely stick to them. Then when she has nothing else to do, she’ll find something to occupy herself.

But don’t comment, put any pressure or feel you need to be there making loads of suggestions. Let her find her own ways of entertaining herself.

Luredbyapomegranate · 11/03/2023 10:05

OP I think you are way over-reacting to this. It sounds like she likes crafting and helping with stuff, that is fine.

Lots of kids want TV all the time at that age, you just have to say no.

Tell her how much TV she can have and ask what other activities she’d like to try (she won’t know so have a list). She might well have a tantrum and say she doesn’t want to do anything, but then she’ll get sufficiently bored and she will.

Thesearmsofmine · 11/03/2023 10:06

Turn the tv off and let her be bored without you hovering over her. She will find things to do.

Stickmansmum · 11/03/2023 10:06

Youre overthinking! A lot of kids dont 'play with toys'. In fact, I think only one of my 4 has any real interest in toys. First child just happy with drawing and a football. Second only wants to do practical things like cooking, minding the animals, tidying etc. Third is a toy player. 4th is all about the drawing and occasionally a sword. Toys are a waste of money and totally boring after 20mins for many kids.

Original poster
CalculatingSuccess · 11/03/2023 10:07

Thank you all so much. I definitely need to do a tv detox, it has taken over everything. Thank you xx

OP posts:
NannyR · 11/03/2023 10:09

Going to the park and drawing definitely counts as play and so does helping around the house.
What sort of toys does she have? I find that more open-ended toys are better, things that encourage children to use their imagination or try out "cause and effect" like lego, magnatiles, marble runs.
Baking and cooking is good too.

WeCome1 · 11/03/2023 10:11

We have a timetable on the fridge with screen time and ideas for activities. It’s met with resistance but we get there in the end. You might find you need to get the paints/a jigsaw out and do it with her.

Iguanainanigloo · 11/03/2023 10:11

Tbh, maybe she just doesn't like playing with adults/alone? Would she play with toys if she had a friend over? My dd's 7&6 play with toys all day long, but together. If one of them is out, the other literally doesn't know what to do, and just hovers round me! Youngest will play board games etc with her dad, but it's mainly drawing and craft bits, if one of them is here alone. When they play with their characters (harry potter castle is the hot favourite) they enjoy playing between them, making the characters fight, play, have picnics, go on horse rides etc, and when one is home alone, I get why that's not so appealing, as their imaginative play is all about bouncing ideas of eachother. I'd arrange some playdates and go from there.

BertieBotts · 11/03/2023 10:13

Cut the TV time right down to a max amount of time per day (e.g. 2 hours) split this up however you like e.g. 1 hour in morning 1 in afternoon or 4x 30 minutes or all in one big block.

She will whine and tantrum for a day or two and then she'll get bored and find something else to do. You can offer your assistance for crafts etc but basically let her deal with it. Hide the remote or unplug TV if she will just put it on by herself.

I also had a TV addicted child and trying to cut it down bit by bit was no use as he would spend all the time that the TV was not on complaining about the TV not being on/trying to persuade me that the TV should be on/asking when the TV would be back on. It had to be totally flipped so that the majority of the day was non-TV-time and only a short part was TV time for him to adjust and not be so obsessed with it.

SleekMamma · 11/03/2023 10:14

TV is off.
Put out a couple of things. Children don't remember what they have to play with.

Original poster
CalculatingSuccess · 11/03/2023 10:15

We’ve got Lego, magnatiles, some grapat and grimms bits, and we’ve also got sylvanians, playmobil, my little ponies etc. I definitely need to be more proactive with play dates! Thank you again.

OP posts:
beAsensible1 · 11/03/2023 10:15

I'd cover the TV and unplug it outside of the set time in the day for her.

let her figure out how to fill her time, encourage imagination and creativity and have a few things around for her

FlipFlops4Me · 11/03/2023 10:15

When my son was small and was watching too much telly, our one and only TV most unfortunately broke (yeah right) and sadly it was weeks before I could afford to fix it. By that time he'd was into loads of other things, and when I plugged the aerial cable back in he wasn't that bothered at all.

I grew up without TV and in some ways I think I was much happier and had lots more actual fun than other kids. We got one when I was about 12 but I really never took to it.

alpacamaraca · 11/03/2023 10:18

Nope, DC 1 has never had any interest in toys, liked colouring, play doh, crafts. DC 2 however is completely different and still very much into toys at nearly 6.

Darhon · 11/03/2023 10:19

One of mine wasn’t into small world stuff but she liked dolls. She also didn’t massively enjoy pretend play with other kids where they act out things. The other 2 preferred this and small world play. Different sexes by the way.

Will she do more crafts? What about more activity stuff? Trampoline or a bike. Climbing is a great hobby for kids who like to be active.

Original poster
CalculatingSuccess · 11/03/2023 10:20

She does love climbing! Our nearest climbing wall is an hour away so that feels like a proper day out. She also loves trampoline play parks (we don’t have a garden so don’t have a trampoline at home). Maybe we do more than I thought!! X

OP posts:
Mirabai · 11/03/2023 10:21

An hour a day is plenty TV. She doesn’t need any more than that.

Original poster
CalculatingSuccess · 11/03/2023 10:21

Thank you all so much for all your help. I am feeling less like I’m in a blind panic now x

OP posts:
Bunchamunchacarrots · 11/03/2023 10:24

TV can be addictive for kids that age, it's no surprise that she doesn't want to play if allowed unlimited TV time.

I also have an only child and she does want to play with someone 90 percent of the time and it is exhausting.

I'd recommend following some Instagram accounts around promoting independent play, Busytoddler is a good starting point.