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Original poster

1 year old won't sleep and I'm losing it

32 replies

Softsoftsleep · 10/03/2023 22:51

I've 3 young kids including a 1 year old who is still breastfeed and whom I breastfeed to sleep as I was too knackered to try anything else.

She wakes up looking breastfed at LEAST 4 times a night. That would be a good night. I get the sleep association and know why she does it but I was always too tired to follow through with the alternatives. She has woken even hour, every 2 hours, every 20 minutes or any other combination of frequent wakings.

In order to get a marginal bit more sleep, now I just co-sleep but now she wants to be latched onto me all night long. When I unlatch her, she wakes angrily and cries until I latch her back on. I'm just too tired to do anything else at the minute. We have agreed to night wean her when we have a good opportunity but in the meantime, I'm exhausted.

I've gone back to work and am struggling. Tonight i just feel like running away, because she will not go to sleep..she is always in some kind of state of awareness, ready to wake at the slightest sound or touch. I'm dreading bedtimes and feel very overwhelmed.

OP posts:
Bigbus · 10/03/2023 22:58

OP I am sorry you’re so exhausted. It seems overwhelming but I think you’re going to have to bite the bullet and sort this out, even though it might be more exhausting initially you will be glad of it in the end. Do you have a partner who can help? I think you need to get them to help you. Maybe feed her at bed time then no more BF until morning (or whenever you would usually feed her in the day). Put her in her own bed and take it in turns to put her back when she wakes. Would a reward chart for staying in bed help?

greenfingers39 · 10/03/2023 23:01

The reality is you need to take the time, whether it's annual leave or suck it up time, to wean her off these night feeds. Sleep training has its place, right here.

ladykale · 10/03/2023 23:04

How much proper food does she have in the day; is she definitely full enough?

Sleep training is obv an option but is horrible at this age compared to when done much younger.

Can your OH try doing a week of nighttime's as I find they only do this with mum when they smell milk.

Try introducing a bottle + formula as it may help?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Babies & sleep Children's sleep Families
Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 10/03/2023 23:06

Bigbus · 10/03/2023 22:58

OP I am sorry you’re so exhausted. It seems overwhelming but I think you’re going to have to bite the bullet and sort this out, even though it might be more exhausting initially you will be glad of it in the end. Do you have a partner who can help? I think you need to get them to help you. Maybe feed her at bed time then no more BF until morning (or whenever you would usually feed her in the day). Put her in her own bed and take it in turns to put her back when she wakes. Would a reward chart for staying in bed help?

You're right, I have to stop. I'm at that crossroads. She has just turned 1 so wouldn't understand a reward system, but it still has to be done. Yes I have a husband who doeantvreally know what to do as she wants to breastfeed and nothing else will do. He puts her in her stroller and rocks her to sleep when she is really fighting him but even that is hit and miss. Nor ally, the crying drives me so mad I just feed her to make it all stop.

@greenfingers39 what you said is true too. I'm on my knees and it will only get worse if I don't make the space to train her.

OP posts:
Ridikulus · 10/03/2023 23:08

As others have said you need to take the time to go hardline on the weaning. When she wakes offer water, don't talk to her and settle her back down to sleep. Repeat until you go insane and she gives up.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/03/2023 23:09

You're basically a human dummy and you don't need to be a martyr.

Personally I'd go cold turkey, it will be hard for a couple of nights but then it's done and you can all get some sleep.

Has she got her own room and bed? Start by putting her to bed in there.

Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 10/03/2023 23:10

ladykale · 10/03/2023 23:04

How much proper food does she have in the day; is she definitely full enough?

Sleep training is obv an option but is horrible at this age compared to when done much younger.

Can your OH try doing a week of nighttime's as I find they only do this with mum when they smell milk.

Try introducing a bottle + formula as it may help?

Thank you. Yes, she has a really good diet and loves her food. She has 3 good meals a day and snacks too. I normally give her a big bowl of weetabox before bed, or a really solid dinner, and it makes no difference. To be honest, if a bowl of weetabix doesn't fill her I'm not sure what a bottle of formula would do, but I could be wrong. She is old enough for cows milk but I've been resisting giving her a bottle of it, as we did that with our older child and that created a monster in itself.

OP posts:
Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/03/2023 23:10

Can you go and stay at a friends for a night and leave your dh to it? She's not a tiny baby and he needs to learn he can settle her.

Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 10/03/2023 23:12

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 10/03/2023 23:10

Can you go and stay at a friends for a night and leave your dh to it? She's not a tiny baby and he needs to learn he can settle her.

No I've nowhere to stay really. My husband has agreed to see to her for a few nights in the hope that breaks the habit.

OP posts:
Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 10/03/2023 23:18

I'm feeling a bit better now. Thanks.
I think I'm going to start night weaning tomorrow night as this is getting ridiculous now.

Every time I transferred her into her cot she woke. She is now sleeping very lightly in her buggy but at least I can maybe get a little shut eye.

This is completely my own fault and not that of the baby. I've totally enabled this situation, and now it's a problem.

OP posts:
Twinmumandone18 · 10/03/2023 23:21

What’s her nap routine and what time does she go to bed?

Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 10/03/2023 23:23

I'm also hyper, hyper alert to the slightest noise she makes. She never wakes then goes back over. Once she wakes, I wait and always live in hope that she will doze back over but she never does. So every rustle of her blanket or the softest sound of the fabric of the pushchair when she sleeps is now making me quite anxious. She isn't in her own room as we dont have space yet. We live in a small apartment and can't move yet for different reasons.

OP posts:
beetr00 · 10/03/2023 23:28

@Softsoftsleep would you consider a dummy? or would that be too horrific to contemplate? Thinking of you 🌻sleep deprivation is murderous.

Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 10/03/2023 23:29

Twinmumandone18 · 10/03/2023 23:21

What’s her nap routine and what time does she go to bed?

Ordinarily its like this:
7am up for the day, breakfast and off to nursery.
10-10.30 nap
Home at 12.30
2pm-3.30/4 nap (on a good day)
7pm I start the wind down and aim to have her asleep by 8/8.30

She sometimes sleeps until midnight before starting her snacking routine, mostly wakes again at 10, 12, then I lose count. She is a micronapper and I do what I can to extend the naps so she isn't over tired. Contact naps and naps in her pushchair are the best ways to keep her asleep for longer but that's not ideal either.

Tonight is particularly bad. She was out of routine today for different reasons.

OP posts:
Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 10/03/2023 23:30

beetr00 · 10/03/2023 23:28

@Softsoftsleep would you consider a dummy? or would that be too horrific to contemplate? Thinking of you 🌻sleep deprivation is murderous.

Have tried a dummy, too many times to to count. Is unceremoniously spat out 🤔

OP posts:
Greendoor12 · 10/03/2023 23:32

Please stop beating yourself up, it’s absolutely biologically normal for a baby to want to be close to its mother. It’s ok that you want to night wean too for your sanity, but you’ve done everything right to comfort and settle your baby so far - not wrong. You’ve done a great job and it’s ok that you need to choose a different way now!

Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 10/03/2023 23:36

Greendoor12 · 10/03/2023 23:32

Please stop beating yourself up, it’s absolutely biologically normal for a baby to want to be close to its mother. It’s ok that you want to night wean too for your sanity, but you’ve done everything right to comfort and settle your baby so far - not wrong. You’ve done a great job and it’s ok that you need to choose a different way now!

Thank you. Where I'm from, breastfeeding is very much not the norm and my husband is a bit ignorant about it all. He thinks I've given her bad habits, but i explained it was an easy way to fulfil her natural, instinctive needs and now I can't go on.

I had a similar issue with an older child and just went cold turkey with breastfeeding totally! That was very hard on us both and I don't want to stop breastfeeding totally. Just get more than 2 hours sleep in a row at night.

OP posts:
Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 10/03/2023 23:38

Thanks everyone, I was going a bit crazy earlier. She hasn't woken so will try to get a bit of sleep while I can!

OP posts:
beetr00 · 10/03/2023 23:42

@Softsoftsleep when you awaken you could maybe have a read of this 😊

happiestbaby.co.uk/blogs/baby/how-to-get-a-baby-to-take-a-pacifier

Good luck

Twinmumandone18 · 10/03/2023 23:52

It’s a tricky time when they still need the two naps.

its been a few months and I’m trying to remember our routine.

I think I used to wake them up from second nap by 2.30pm around that age and start bed at 6.30 to be asleep for 7pm. Its a difficult age because they’re soon moving to one nap a day (that transition almost killed me with the twins) For a while mine would need two one hour naps. personally I liked to get them up early (not that they’d sleep past 6 anyway!) to get that morning nap down and they did better having the longer nap in the morning. And sometimes we’d do a quick half an hour in the afternoon. I am a bit of a routine obsessive after having the twins but it worked!

they are 20 months now and we do awake 6am, nap 11-1, bed 6.30.

Also… bottles and dummies!

Notoironing · 11/03/2023 07:19

I’ve coslept and breastfed three children, you haven’t done anything wrong but I’ve always found 12 months a good time to night wean. I’ve done that by just refusing breast feed whilst co sleeping so just say something like milk is sleeping and offer a cuddle and water instead or with my most placid child I just turned and faced the other way. There might be tears but it might only take one or two nights to get the message.

then once that’s better you could move to the cot, I’ve always started with cot in the bedroom first then after a week or so move the cot to the baby’s own room. I’ve had help from Ann Caird sleep consultant who was brilliant. There is a period of difficulty and crying but it is worth it

AtLeastThreeDrinks · 11/03/2023 07:37

I’ve been there. I actually still comfort feed my almost 2yo overnight. We cosleep too as it’s the only way I get a proper night’s rest. No suggestions really as mine was also a screamer who wouldn’t / won’t settle for anyone else, and popping a boob in is the easiest option. I find the term “human dummy” unhelpful – dummies are designed to replicate the nipple because infants find it comforting to suckle. It’s completely normal, but perhaps isn’t ideal in a society where you have to get up and be a productive worker! So I’m just sending some solidarity. Those nights where you’re weeping from frustration do pass and honestly, in the end I found trying other methods more stressful and disruptive than the lack of sleep. If night-weaning and training methods aren’t for you, I’d focus on your H taking the other kids out at baby’s naptime so you can sleep/rest too. Make sure you’re eating properly and taking a multivitamin so your energy levels are as high as they can be.

Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 11/03/2023 12:56

Twinmumandone18 · 10/03/2023 23:52

It’s a tricky time when they still need the two naps.

its been a few months and I’m trying to remember our routine.

I think I used to wake them up from second nap by 2.30pm around that age and start bed at 6.30 to be asleep for 7pm. Its a difficult age because they’re soon moving to one nap a day (that transition almost killed me with the twins) For a while mine would need two one hour naps. personally I liked to get them up early (not that they’d sleep past 6 anyway!) to get that morning nap down and they did better having the longer nap in the morning. And sometimes we’d do a quick half an hour in the afternoon. I am a bit of a routine obsessive after having the twins but it worked!

they are 20 months now and we do awake 6am, nap 11-1, bed 6.30.

Also… bottles and dummies!

Gosh you are a very organised lady indeed! I've always had minimum input into my kids' routines and they have evolved over time but having twins us a totally different ballgame and cam definitely see why routine and strict nap times are so important!

OP posts:
asdlifer · 11/03/2023 12:59

Today is not tomorrow, and tomorrow is not forever. This is what I used to say to myself at the hardest times. This too shall pass OP.

Original poster
Softsoftsleep · 11/03/2023 13:02

@Notoironing and @AtLeastThreeDrinks very interesting perspectives from two sides of the same coin, and I go from one perspective to the other, over and over!

I also hate the phrase 'use you like a human dummy' as babies actually use dummies like a human breast, as that is what dummies are designed to replicate. And it is natural, but it can be very hard and there are plenty of times that I would love if the baby would accept the dummy!

The good news is that she only woke once last night, not for long, and I got a lie in too. I feel much, much more positive than I did last night. A bit of breathing space.

@beetr00 thanks for the link!

OP posts: