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Original poster

Fake nostalgia

22 replies

JoonT · 10/03/2023 19:50

Have you noticed how often people romanticise/delude themselves about the past? I am in my 40s now, so people are beginning to reminisce about the 1990s. This evening, I listened to somebody talk about being a teenager, and what fun it was, and how she feels sorry for the young today (missing out on the ‘90s, etc). I knew this person when we were teens, and know for sure that she didn’t have a great time at all. In fact, I remember her being bullied and marginalised. I also remember her having a bad time in her early twenties (we ended up working at the same office, where she was signed off with depression).

It reminded me of a time when I was a kid and was out for a walk with my grandfather. We bumped into a lady he knew who spent half an hour telling me how she and my grandfather had such fun in their teens, how they used to go into town on the bus with friends from the village, and so on. After she’d left, he shook his head and chuckled and said “god, I barely knew her”.

I have no nostalgia. I know a lot of people genuinely had a great time when they were young, and good for them. But I don’t think it’s healthy to delude yourself. I really hated my teens and twenties and am much, much happier now. I’ve noticed this fake nostalgia a lot on social media. I guess it’s an extension of the ideal life people present in their photos (surrounded by friends, going for a romantic walk with their partner, etc).

OP posts:

VeniVidiWeeWee · 10/03/2023 19:53

Your experience isn't that of everyone.

It's not all about you.

PlateBilledDuckyPerson · 10/03/2023 19:54

Why do you suppose it to be fake? I'm sorry you had a rotten time in the 1990s, but you must see that other people's experience might not be the same as yours.

Original poster

JoonT · 10/03/2023 22:02

VeniVidiWeeWee · 10/03/2023 19:53

Your experience isn't that of everyone.

It's not all about you.

Ugghh, what a typical, nasty, spiteful little reply. A good example of MN at its worst. I made it very clear that I don’t believe ALL nostalgia is fake. And I wasn’t talking about me. My two examples were of other people.

OP posts:

ringoutsolsticebells · 10/03/2023 22:26

VeniVidiWeeWee · 10/03/2023 19:53

Your experience isn't that of everyone.

It's not all about you.

Christ. That's really nasty

RiverSkater · 10/03/2023 22:34

I can enjoy the 80s more now I'm not a shy introvert with bad acne for sure. It is easy to remember the good days and put a positve spin on it. I do it more when the present is too much of me.

NannyGythaOgg · 10/03/2023 22:41

Totally agree with the op.
I was a teen of the late 60s early 70s, loved and hated it in equal measure. Certainly had more freedom, was more streetwise in that a flasher was a giggle rather than a threat but didn't have to put up with what today's kids do.
My kids were teens in the 90s; had a lot of freedom, not that parents didn't care but (a) they knew the odds, (b) they didn't have SM judgement to put up with, (c) they had no choice. and (D) Did not want to infect our children with our worries.

So. I could easily say that the kids of the 90s were free because WE the parents took the worries and allowed the kids to be kids. AND then they (our kids), in their turn, stopped their kids having that childhood.

I think there is an element of that BUT life has changed. It's not really much more dangerous statistically but with the internet; the whole country has become our own backyard.

What would have only made the local news, everyone (many parents) feel now happened to their own child (or friend) rather than a random kid at the other end of the country

TedMullins · 10/03/2023 22:55

How is it nasty to say OP’s experience isn’t the same as everyone’s and her definition of nostalgia isn’t the only one? It’s true! Everyone’s experience is subjective. Why are you so wound up about how other people like to remember their youth? I was bullied as a teen and didn’t have many friends and spent a lot of time unhappy but there are still elements of the early 00s that I feel fondness for now I look back. You’re not the nostalgia police.

rattlemehearties · 10/03/2023 22:58

I agree with you OP, it's why there are retro radio stations etc - people naturally have nostalgia for their teenage/youth years but their actual lived experience might have been shit. They are reminiscing about popular culture mainly. 90s fashion is back "in" so that will be fuelling things too.

BabyMomma2021 · 10/03/2023 23:25

I think we naturally remember the good bits and look back with rose tinted glasses a bit.
It think it's the great tragedy of life that you don't appreciate something until it's passed so maybe it's a bit of that too!

LesserBohemians · 10/03/2023 23:30

JoonT · 10/03/2023 22:02

Show quote history

But you’re implying they’re deluding themselves, when it’s perfectly possible they simply remember differently.

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 10/03/2023 23:58

I don't know why you're calling people nasty and spiteful for disagreeing with you@JoonT and I totally disagree with you too. Sounds like (as a pp said) that your youth/experience of the 1990s was not great, and you are projecting, and assuming everyone else's can't have been either.

Me personally...... I absolutely loved the 1970s and 1980s (when I was a child and a teen/young adult,) and remember them with great fondness. Lovely community in my little town, lovely beach holidays as a child, great group of friends, a job I enjoyed, great music, holidays with friends, 20-ish extended family members within 2 miles of where I lived who I saw quite often, and lots of friendly neighbours, many who went to the local social club every Saturday night.

Me and mum would go to the bingo with about 10 other women we knew every other Wednesday, and me and dad went to a pub quiz every month. I also have lovely memories of when I first met my DH, (in the late 1980s,) and all our dating and clubbing and holidays together. In the late 1980s. Fucking brilliant time, brilliant nostalgia, and brilliant memories. And no grumpy 'fake nostalgia' thread is going to change that.

I am sorry you had a pretty basic time when you were younger, and appear to have no good memories, but as a pp said, don't assume everyone is the same as you. And despite you saying in your second post that you did not say 'ALL nostalgia is fake...; er yeah actually you pretty much DID say that (in your OP!)

YABVVVU.

justoneobviously · 11/03/2023 00:05

but why do you care? what’s the problem with people having happy memories and why do you think your recollections of their lives are more correct than their own?!

Caviarandgelatine · 11/03/2023 00:16

I think it's a bit odd to assume that the nostalgia you see on social media is fake.

I have huge nostalgia for the 90s which grows the older I get. My life wasn't always perfect back then whatsoever but life in general was better in this country than it is now.

Maves · 11/03/2023 00:20

There are good bits and bad bits at every stage in life she might have been bullied or whatever doesn't mean all her memories are bad she's just remembering the good.....some things back in the day were better just because someone has bad experiences too doesn't erase the good things.

catsonahottinroof · 11/03/2023 00:26

It's not necessarily fake nostalgia though, I think a lot of people have a tendency to see the past through rose tinted glasses. Whether it's because compared to their life now, the past was better, or whether they have a selective memory and only remember the good bits.

Moonicorn · 11/03/2023 00:30

VeniVidiWeeWee · 10/03/2023 19:53

Your experience isn't that of everyone.

It's not all about you.

Sorry but Veni is right, not nasty. You had a bad time of it now you think others are lying when they say they didn’t.

myveryownelectrickitten · 11/03/2023 00:44

Most people have a varied experience - they may not enjoy school, but love the time they spent with grandparents or family; they may have been depressed at some times, but also enjoyed others.

It’s perfectly possible to have not enjoyed school life as a teenager, but still have loved 1990s music; or to have grown up with depression but still enjoy reminiscing on Facebook about the days of Teddy Ruxpin and Mr Frosty.

There are good and bad things about each period in time. In the early 2000s I thought everything was much better than any of my life in the twentieth century and would surely continue getting better and better. Now I have children, and a couple of decades later, I can see lots of things about my childhood in the 80s and 90s that were great and that my kids will never experience. I think right now we’re in a particularly depressing period, nationally, economically, socially - lots of backlash against women’s rights, the more damaging effects of social media are very evident, sexualisation and porn are everywhere, war in continental Europe, all things that make aspects of the past look not so bad in retrospect.

That doesn’t mean I’m wearing rose-tinted specs about the past, or that I’m not remembering it properly. I’m not sure I’d want to go back, but some things that I didn’t value at the time, I now realise were more valuable than I thought. And that’s normal, surely? We don’t just get uncomplicated progress; we go through gains and losses in each era. People are allowed to feel genuine nostalgia for lost times.

JackieDaws · 11/03/2023 00:47

Gosh why didn't you stand up and tell everyone she was lying.

TheAudie · 11/03/2023 00:51

I have nostalgia for different parts of my life; but it can be tinged with good and bad. Particularly my teens and early 20s where it was all a bit high drama.

SO224350 · 11/03/2023 09:44

I think the present day on social media is more fake!

Tiredmum100 · 11/03/2023 10:06

I guess we all just have different memories and experiences. I grew up in the 90s and had a great time, I look back at those years fondly. I had a great childhood and a loving family, friends, (who I would fall out with like all teenagers). Don't get me wrong, there were bad moments too. I personally disliked the early 2000s more. I was very unsettled for a while.

derbylass81 · 11/03/2023 16:54

One of the ways I think of it is that I'm a worrier. I've spent a lot of my life worrying about various things, and most of them have never happened.

I spent a good part of the 90s worrying. But when I look back, I can see that actually everything turned out pretty well. So the worry isn't there and the memories seem good.

Also, it's just natural. Same as when people look back on when their kids were young. People often say they'd give anything to spend a day when their kids were babies / toddlers again. In reality, the vast majority of those days were complete drudgery.

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