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Original poster

Would you have found that rude?

20 replies

Sweetleaves · 09/03/2023 04:13

If a family (parents plus adult children) went to a family friend's funeral (man in his 90s) and then, on the same evening, decided to head to a dessert place owned by one of the deceased man's family members and had ice cream while laughing and joking around (Close enough to the owner that he can see and hear them). Would you find that rude?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 09/03/2023 04:21

If you are the owner I guess I get being upset but otherwise I find laughing and joking at a funeral to be a release

There is a difference to this and totally being disrespectful but there is no hard like I don't think

Nimbostratus100 · 09/03/2023 04:23

No, not in the slightest - life goes on

PsychoHotSauce · 09/03/2023 04:26

Depends what they were joking about? The deceased? Rude. Remembering funny stories? Nice. Something completely different? A little insensitive but as a PP said, life goes on.

TheHouseNextDoor · 09/03/2023 04:27

No i wouldnt find it rude. One could also point out that the family member couldn't be that upset to be in work.

Original poster
Sweetleaves · 09/03/2023 04:28

Okay, I'm glad. I'm one of the family members and in retrospect, I felt bad

OP posts:
magicthree · 09/03/2023 04:29

No, not at all.

Tourmalines · 09/03/2023 04:35

no I wouldn’t. The dear mans funeral is a time also to celebrate his life and remember him fondly . I don’t think there is need to sit in silence all grim afterwards if everyone is out. I’m sure they would all have their inner thoughts in private .

GoldenAye · 09/03/2023 04:55

It is perhaps thoughtless, particularly if the family knew about the owner and that he was was there. It would have been better to take your light-heartedness to another shop.

Ponderingwindow · 09/03/2023 05:16

The first time I attended a funeral, my parent explained to me that the viewing Service, and burial would all be extremely morose affairs. Then we would go to a luncheon and over the course of the meal the mood would lighten. I should not be surprised if by the end people were laughing and having a good time. This was part of the process of a funeral. The switch to remembering good times with the person you loved and also just enjoying the company of the loved ones you still have.

part of the point of a funeral is that it gives you a chance to pour out all your grief and gives you permission to be ok. You may not be ok depending on your relationship to the deceased, but that focused grieving and permission to turn a page is important.

so laugh and eat dessert. You are still honoring the dead.

GoodChat · 09/03/2023 05:30

You're allowed to laugh and joke on the same day as a funeral. If you're concerned about it you'd hate my family!

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/03/2023 05:36

I think it’s fine. If you’re concerned, maybe you could drop the family member a text saying how fitting and moving the service was and maybe say something about the evening.

MrsClatterbuck · 09/03/2023 06:21

Years ago at a wake for a relative after the meal at their home on the day of the funeral I remember being in the kitchen and an aunt regaling us with stories from the past and laughing at them. The craic was 90 as we say here. Lifted the mood but was typical here.

cheatingcrackers · 09/03/2023 06:25

Not at all! I might feel differently if he was young but definitely not for someone in their 90s.

ohfook · 09/03/2023 06:29

No if the owner kept their business open and went to work then they should expect happy customers.

Bagsundermyeyestoday · 09/03/2023 06:30

I'm assuming they went there for that reason (to show respect), and there's nothing wrong with having a laugh. They may have been sharing memories about him. A few people went for a drink after my friend died in some horrific circumstances, we had a few laughs. In this case we were all quite traumatised so being able to have a few laughs formed some relief in a really sad time

DrHousecuredme · 09/03/2023 07:36

No, I've been to plenty of funeral where there was laughing and joking.
They best was my Grandma's where we ended up crying with laughter over some of the dotty things she had done. It was a lovely, affectionate way to remember her.
Laughing and joking is just one way to relieve stress and doesn't mean that you care any less about the person who's died.

DDivaStar · 09/03/2023 08:39

No. It roild be polite to speak to the owner and say irmt was a lovely service and offer support but wouldn't expect to have to be quiet and reserved.

Changingplace · 09/03/2023 08:47

Not at all, whilst a funeral is a somber and serious event the wake is usually, eventually filled with chatter, laughter and reminiscing - I don’t see why eating ice cream makes it an issue. 😊

maddy68 · 09/03/2023 09:06

No not at all. We laughed so much at my dad's funeral wake. That's what they are for surely?

Pseudonamed · 09/03/2023 12:12

If he was that close to the deceased surely he wouldnt have opened the shop anyway on the day of the funeral out of respect?

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