Is there any way that this can end well?

[onirgellep]

My mid twenties DD interviewed for her 'dream job' recently and was offered the post subject to Occ Health approval. She has long-standing social anxiety which interferes with many aspects of her life including her ability to be employed in the area she trained in

She has been employed in an unskilled job which she has continued to perform despite her life being in turmoil as a result of the recent breakdown of her 5 year LTR. Leading up to the final separation she was seen in A&E with a mental health crisis partly due to her being intoxicated with cannabis [she'd successfully given up self-medicating with this sometime ago]

She was obviously absolutely thrilled to be offered the new job

On Friday she has the Occ Health interview - she has written some interesting things on the occ health screening form one of which is that she has ADHD - this isn't something that has ever been formally diagnosed tho' she does have some SpLD effecting her concentration

She doesn't want to discuss any of this with me because she sees me as interfering, under-mining and negative. And i can see why she thinks that so I've not said anything

So is there any way in which they will still appoint her in spite of the mental health concerns?

Unless she told them about her mental health crisis they won't know as records are confidential.

Good luck

One of the tricky things with ADHD diagnosis is that people who have it are often terrible at managing their diaries. If she’s in the pipeline with the NHS she could go back and ask to be put back on the list.
It’s a difficult one. I have a recently diagnosed DS in his 20s and it holds him back because he just can’t organise himself but if I step in to help I’m micromanaging.
No advice - you’ve had some good advice here - just sympathy. Don’t beat yourself up either. It’s a difficult balance to strike 💐

Honestly whatever she has put on her forms won't prevent them from employing her if they feel she is a good fit for the job.

Both of my daughters are in medical careers.. one a doctor, one a nurse. Between them they have diagnoses of ADHD anxiety, anorexia, and EDS. Both have been through OH several times.. and in each case have been fine and well supported. One daughter in particular looks like a disaster on paper... but has never had any trouble getting (or keeping) jobs!

Just something to remember - when you have an ND child helicopter parenting is totally different to having an NT child. It is often completely necessary to enable the child to cope - even into adulthood IMO as ND adults can be emotionally a number of years behind their peers. They can also have many struggles that NT adults just don't have and need support in all different ways.

I remember reading about this need in Tony Attwood's book (basically considered the autism bible) so don't allow people to tell you that you are wrong to be so involved. Why does dd see you as undermining and negative though? Maybe the way you get involved needs reassessing.

I was just coming to comment again similar things to @Choconut . I have a dd who is ND and has mental health issues and although she is only in primary school I can empathise with you because I can never imagine a time in the future that she won’t require my input and ‘interference’. She’s very bright and high functioning but she will still require a degree of parenting long into adulthood I imagine.
It’s difficult op.

just a further fyi, I have adhd (diagnosed) and mental health problems and it has not stopped me being able to progress in my career, my employer knows about it and has never batted an eyelid. In fact in my chosen carer having adhd had been beneficial and a strength because I’m able to juggle many tasks and move from one to the next with ease. I’m also well organised as I manage my own diary and work flexibly so I find it easy. I’m actually one of the best at getting all my work done because I don’t get bogged down on a single task and can hyper focus when needed. I’m just hoping this reassures you somewhat. Everyone is different but it’s not always bad news.

Thank you all for being so kind and helpful

Now have some hope that this will turn out well - and a plan if doesn't

And obviously, I need to help with clarifying a diagnosis