I really need advice as I’m going out of my mind thinking about what if anything I can do for my 13 year old DD. I think she may be autistic. She masked well in primary school but the problems started in secondary.
She flatly refuses to do anything. Her weekends and school holidays revolve around her lying in bed on her phone. She refuses offers to walk the dog with me, go out for lunch, visit family or anything really. I totally get a teen doesn’t want to socialise with her mum but she doesn’t do any clubs or see friends outside of school so I am desperately trying to get her out her bedroom.
She has friends she hangs out with in school but when I ask her about meeting up with them outside of school she just says it would be too “awkward” to ask them. So I think maybe they are just casual school friendships. I spoke to pastoral support at her school and they have loads of lunchtime and after school clubs. DD refuses to go.
I have tried to encourage DD to at least join something. I said she needs a routine so maybe Mon go to the school library after school, Weds do art club, Fri do science club etc Anything to get her involved and meeting new people.
I have spent years trying to get her to do clubs outside of school and most recently Guides. Some friends from her primary were there and they were so pleased to see her. She went twice and refused to go back. I have suggested swimming clubs, gymnastics but she just says no.
The one thing she does is play the violin and I have suggested she gets involved with the schools music community which is large. She says no.
If is her birthday next week and we are in the same position we are in every year where she has no friends to invite and the pressure is on me to come up with something and I am flat out of ideas. People do want to be friends with her, I remember in primary loads of girls trying to talk with her and she would just ignore them.
I am worried this is her life forever. Sitting in her room on the phone going nowhere and doing nothing despite my efforts. The school are going to see a musical in the Easter holidays and of course she is refusing to go.
Should I take her to the doctors, what could they even do? I have thought about taking her for her sleep issues - she doesn’t sleep. When she was a newborn she was awake 20 hours a day and this hasn’t really changed.
I feel full of despair, I just want DD to be happy and I know she isn’t. She once said to me her life is school and nothing else but her refusal to do any clubs is part of the problem!
She gets in from school miserable and unhappy, I try to talk to her but she won’t talk to me. I know school is hard for her, having to interact with so many people, but I just don’t know what else I can do. My DS is 16 and goes to school, sees friends, does clubs, plays sport etc and now I am in this hell with DD who is the complete opposite and I just don’t know what to do.