To those who went PT at work or became SAHP when your children were young...

[SchnitzelVonKrumm24]

Can I ask for your experiences of building your career back up again as your children got older?

Pre-children I worked in a very specialist (STEM) field which, for a variety of reasons, felt incompatible with having young children. I've got two DC of pre-school age. Luckily I've managed to side step into a job that I enjoy and provides a very good balance at the moment (0.8 FT, able to WFH) but ultimately it's not what I see myself doing forever.

My plan was to return FT once the children are both in school and start building my career again but I'm having doubts now. It feels that young primary school children are still so young and it would mean a lot of after school care / holiday childcare if I went back full time.

So I would be really interested in others experiences. If you did take a break while their children were young (I understand this is not going to be relevant for anyone who didn't take any time out from their career), when did you feel able to build you career up again? How old were your children? What worked for you? Did you go back to the same field, or did you move into something else?

I work in the city, STEM, mostly mens etc.
Nobody was doing part time but I thought if you don’t ask you don’t get.
Honestly I believe I have the best setup you can
imagine: 80% spread over 5 days.
One full day and then 8-2 without break the other days. This means I can do school pickup 4 days a week.
Only thing is that DH has to be fully in charge of the mornings (getting the DC ready, taking them to school etc) so I can make the early start.
Oh and also need to have a backup plan for when you need to work later (training, business trip, after work event) - I have a school club that always has space and can be booked the day before.

STEM.
My reduced house got turned down, so we kept the juggling act going until DS2 reached school age, and we lost the access to nursery holidays for DS1.
Then I quit as school added in an extra layer of juggling that was just too much . 5 years after, I tried to get back in, but just got flat rejections for things I should have been interview-able for.

Currently earning half my previous salary, way under utilized (hence on MN) but it suits family life.
I'm totally, utterly, and completely screwed if something happens to DH.

So envious of everyone with roles. I hate being unemployed! And recruiters keep saying I'm old or "won't fit in with the young team" and all the WFH jobs have 200+ applicants..

I could cry. :( I'm panicking about my age (36)

How do recruiters know your age, @Preparepepper?

They just gauge it.

E.g one yesterday said "if you worked at XX. I remember them in 2012! Are you in your 30s then?"

Also some recruiters send out forms that you "must" fill in to "register" with them - literally just received another one and it clearly says DOB with a "mandatory" asterisk next to it!

I want the job. But I can't refuse to fill in the dodgy forms otherwise they wont put me forwards for it. And who do you complain to? There isn't anyone!

@ShiverOfSharks sorry should have tagged you x

There ought to be an option on LinkedIn to add your degree without the dates

I was very lucky.

I went down to 2 days per week with my pre mat leave company for about 5 years. I had to change roles to one without monthly reporting type responsibilities, took on more project type roles with longer term deadlines that could be managed any time that suited. I gradually increased to 3, 3.5 and eventually 4 days per week. I limited myself to certain types of role and sideways moves until DC mid secondary when I started managing a team again and took more responsibility and got promoted to director level role when at 4 days pw.

I'm glad I went very PT as I really enjoyed those early years. With hindsight, my best decision was to stay in the same company rather than leave altogether (which I wanted to initially) and have to start again. My company were very supportive helping me find roles which suited the hours I wanted to work, plus I stayed in my excellent pension scheme and had continuity of service throughout.

I went back (very PT) when my youngest was 18mo in 2017. I did that - 3 days a week, term time only - until the end of 2019, when I took a promotion and moved to 4 days a week. That continued until 6 months ago when I upped my hours to 4.5 days due to workload, and as of April 1st I will be returning full time with another promotion into a more senior (Director level) role. I was given the option to continue at 4.5 days but as I inevitably work FT hours I decided I'd rather get paid accordingly! They have agreed that my hours will be flexible to enable me to do the school pick up on a Friday.

To start with, when I worked from an office we had wraparound care with a childminder who did drop off and pick up at our DC's school. Post-Covid I now WFH (with no intention to move back into the office; the head office lease lapsed two years ago) and I send them to after school club until 6pm each day. I am able to do the school run and get back to my desk by around 8.59 with coffee in hand!

I think my ability to continue progressing my career has been very dependent on the company I work for and it would have been much more of a struggle if they weren't so flexible. I definitely wouldn't have gone back to work when I did if I hadn't had so much leeway with my hours, and being able to work part time (ish!) has been good for my DC as well as they've really enjoyed having me around. Now they're a bit older and can entertain themselves for an hour or two they're much less of an issue to have around at the end of the day if I've got things to finish off.

Tldr: my experience is that it's the company you work for more than anything. The culture at my place is that you're an adult and will get the job done, so they don't mind when you do it and they just want great people working for them. It makes a big difference.

Was SAHM for 5 years and then part time. It was not a smart decision. I'm 80% now and still nowhere near my pre-DC salary, not to even mention the salary I would have had without the break. And what of course happens in 99% of cases happened here as well - I acutally earned more before kids, but DH's career went undisturbed from strenght to strength, he now earns multiples of my income. Therefore my career is still the one suffering and his takes priorty.
All the running around after kids, sick days - all me. I am doing my hours sure, but I can't do anything extra, as someone has to be there for the kids, and it's more important that DH makes a good impression at work. We recently had business trips planned at the same time, of course mine was the one that had to be cancelled.
Makes sense for the family, sure. We all benefit. But I am also very aware that I would be totally screwed if we would break up, while he would be perfectly fine.

I have a flexible job which I stayed in when DS was born, I work part-time currently (3 longer days) and will go back full time when he starts school in September. I have really struggled to do my job to the best of my abilities on 3 days but I think that’s my own perception rather than anyone else’s.

I’m going to do a 9 day fortnight so I have an admin / housework day (to free up weekends) and two early finishes to collect from school. DH is reducing his hours to be able to drop off and pick up as well (so we are slightly flipping around really) I do worry about not seeing Ds as much as I do now (we have 2 days just the two of us and I love it) but ultimately it’s better for us financially, I’ll still have some after school time with him and all weekend, and I’ll have pretty much all the school holidays with him too. I’ve been in the same job throughout so there’s not been much impact on my career.

I went back three days a week when Dts turned 1. Stayed at 3 days until they started school when I went to three full and two half days. Realistically it held my career back and corresponding salary increases for about 9 years. I am now back on track to where I would have been if I hadn't gone PT.

I was a stay at home mum for 2 years, went back part time for 4 years, then at home again for 2 years and now work part time in a great career. I never want to go back full time!! The fact that I am part time hasn’t been as issue for me; it was with one employer but I left and joined a different company!!

I have a niche set of skills so when the DC were in primary I started my own business and gradually increased it as they became more independent. I was always able to fit around school hours, holidays and illnesses.

Wow thank you so much for all the responses! Such a mixed bag of experiences which I guess is not surprising. I think at least a couple of posters mentioned that it's so dependent on the company you happen to work at. Whether they are open to flexible working or not can really make or break whether you're able to keep your career going or not.

Unfortunately in the job I was in when I had DC1, the company was not supportive of PT at all, hence why I ended up making a bit of a change of career. I'm really inspired though by all these experiences of of people working 0.8 and still being able to keep building their careers. It's made me think maybe I don't need to wait until I'm able to go back to full time work.

@MegBusset it's brilliant that you managed to switch industry. Would you say it was worth all the effort needed to upskill in something different?

I ask as I think I would like to do something similar. I've started doing some online courses to start getting a feel for things which I am really enjoying but occasionally I get a bit frustrated about feeling like I'm starting from 0 again IYSWIM.

I was SAHM for 13 years until youngest started school. Then I did PGCE , started teaching, and my husband became SAHD for another 5 years. Our children were our priority and money was just enough to cover bills from month to month.

@NoSquirrels This is really good advice thank you and essentially summarises what I have been slowly realising.

I don't really hold out any hope of going back to my old career. It's very competitive and essentially once you're out you're out. I've made peace with that though and think there's other things I would probably enjoy more.

My intention was to get into a different career but assumed I'd need to be FT to do that. I'm wondering now after reading all these responses if maybe that's not the case. Maybe I could keep at 4 days but still get into a new area.

@Bunchamunchacarrots this is so true! I have found this too.

If DC are very extroverted and love holiday clubs and the like then so much the better but our DC are quite introverted and enjoy their time at home. This is partly why I've come to realise that if just wouldn't work being FT whilst they're still really quite young.

My eldest is autistic. I have accepted I will never work FT again.

Left a high pressure career to go into public sector in similar role. I earn less but it’s less stressful, really flexible and the salary is fine with a good pension. I’ve always been able to do school runs and be around after school. I wouldn’t have wanted my teens to have been left unsupervised 3 hours a day. It’s reasonably easy to get 80% in public sector as a new employee but once they know you and you’ve got to grips with role then usually you can do less or ask for more flexibility.

Can I just say that clearly you are very unlikely to have the exact same career progression of work benefits in those few years you miss. However it really is just a few years. Is there not more to life? For some people full time works well and makes them happy or is just what they need to do. But it’s not for everyone.

@mindutopia I'm really intrigued to know what your field is now! It's wonderful that PT is so normalised in your field. Unfortunately it's not been my experience of working in STEM but I think that can differ massively depending on what domain you're working in or often what the general attitude is at your company / institute.

I work for the nhs.
I went part time but stayed in the same job. Have gradually increased my hours and 15 years on I am almost back to full time.
I purposely didn't seek promotion until the timing suited me.

I went freelance and worked the hours I wanted to, that fitted in with school hours. Never went back to work full time, but eventually I got fed up with being self-employed and got a part time job as an employee instead. I do similar to what I did full time, just for a smaller business that needs that service, but only enough hours' work for a part-timer to do it. My salary is pretty good all things considered.

I’m at the point of starting to rebuild my career.

It’s interesting though because this version of me (a decade older and the maturity of parenthood) has different goals to the person I was in my 20s.

I used to feel that I had missed my opportunities (but never regretted going PT for my kids) but now I’ve realised that had I done what I had originally intended it would have made my life as a mum way harder.

So now I’m taking my time to really work out what I do want, and I’m happier shaping these goals as a truer reflection of my wants and needs as opposed to what I thought I should be doing/was expected to do.