Not going to funeral

[Thatsnotmyname2047]

My great uncle died 3 months ago. I hadn't seen him or his wife in about 13 years though kept in touch, my family is fairly dysfunctional though he and I always got on great, we just got caught in the middle of other relatives arguing/being NC. I liked and respected him a lot. I went to the funeral to support my Dad but it was quite hard going seeing lots of people I hadn't seen and being among people who don't speak to each other/don't get on. I'm aware that it isn't all about me at all by the way!! Fast forward to a week ago and my great auntie has died (his wife) and I really don't know whether to go. Just for some context, it is 2.5 hours away and currently my mum is very unwell and I am needing to do lots of hospital visits and other things. Feeling fairly depressed and stressed and anxious.

Will your dad be going ?

It won't make any difference to your auntie. Is there anyone else you need to please?

If not don't go, make a donation to the chosen charity in her memory.

Are they live streaming the funeral? We did for DH so that family who couldn't travel could still attend.

Yeah my Dad will be going. They are live streaming it. There will be a couple of people who might be a bit disappointed if I don't go

Any other thoughts? Thank you

If your Mum is very unwell, I would prioritise that over a great aunt I think, especially as it’s that far away. I’d send apologies, condolences, and donation to chosen charity.
The only thing that might complicate this decision would be if Dad was wanting support. Is this the case for you?

It depends if you are able to get the time off work, and if you think your Dad will need / would like the support.
I don't think any of us can know.
My (adult) dc haven't been to most Great Aunt / Uncles funerals, but wanted to come to one of them, so did, and when the time comes, they will want to go to another Aunt of mine's. It depends on the relationship you had / have either with the deceased or those closest to them (sometimes supporting those still alive is the reason to go).

Does your DDad need support or is he OK on his own?
Any other relatives you want to catch up with?

Funerals are for the living to hit closure, support and comfort one another.

My Dads said he'd be fine going without me and I believe he's being honest we have a v honest relationship. Now I'm thinking more deeply into it I think there would only be one relative who might be a bit disappointed if I don't go. I just feel at the moment with my mum being so ill and it being so far away that I can't really manage it.

Speak with the one relative, arrange a catch up at a more suitable time and raise a glass to Auntie.

Your DMum sounds like she needs you more and it doesn't sound like you are particularly close to cousins etc.