Never-ending domestic to-do list

[BingBoings]

How on earth do you manage the seemingly never-ending list of domestic tasks and not lose your mind?

I have a baby and work full time. So life is already… busy.

But the domestic tedium… it’s relentless.

The thinking of meals, kids meals, the shopping for it, the cooking, the laundry, the ironing, the cleaning, changing the beds, the various house maintenance, the replacing clothes, fixing shoes, organising help, planning family stuff, placating relatives, all the admin (internet, phones etc) and solving issues with the crap suppliers… The delivering post or collecting parcels, car stuff, gift buying, gardening, getting the windows cleaned, cleaning the kitchen what seems like five times a day, the dog…

Aaahhhhh.

Ha! Yep that’s life!
Ive found just doing 3 things a day helps eg I make a list of everything and choose three per day, so today I cleaned my car, did two loads of washing, and meal planned for the week.
its also about being organised, and having a system, and once you have that system down it becomes much easier for all the family to help.

Why are you doing everything?

Just try and keep on top of the basics. Kitchen surfaces antibac, living room tidy, laundry basket, and loo clean. Keep on top of those you are winning and the house feels ok. Don't beat yourself up though.

Lower your standards... it's just not possible to do it all.

Yep. You need a lot of help from any family member old enough, or you're being unsupported.

I agree with you. I have a 3 year old and a 6 month old. I haven't returned to work due to family circumstances which aren't relevant to this discussion.

Everything you listed (minus work for me but my partner works and I look after both children alone for 14+ hours on those days), but other stuff too.

For example, we have a LOT of appointments between us. We might get two on the same day (frequently) and will arrange our diaries accordingly. My partner to some degree can pick with days he works so he books shifts around the busy days so he can help with getting the little ones to and from appointments.

Then some dick throws a curveball and changes an appointment to a day he's working. He's constantly rearranging shifts and I'm constantly rearranging appointments trying to get things to marry up. Then on the day we have two or more appointments, something will happen so we end up losing an entire day for no reason. One day recently we had 3 appointments. My partner had one in the morning, dentist for him early afternoon and one of our children (hospital) late afternoon. We arranged meals and other stuff round the appointments. My partner arrived for his morning appointment only to be told it had been cancelled. Not by him but by somebody within that office, but he hadn't been notified. He'd paid to park. Early afternoon we rushed lunch to get to the dentist. Got there after paying £2.50 for an hour in the nearest available space and he came back 3 minutes later to say his appointment had also been cancelled due to admin error. The hospital appointment for late afternoon was cancelled last minute due to the consultant having to leave early due to illness. That one was nobody's fault but the entire day was a fuck-up from start to finish. Rushing, planning, paying for fuel and car parks foe absolutely no reason whatsoever. This kind of thing happens a lot.

Add to the hamster wheel of life,

Dealing with a solicitor who wants info on a million different things even though he already has ALL the information. If only he and his team could be bothered to work through it properly. Phone calls, emails, searching for documents, scanning and often taking info into the office 5 miles away.

Looking after pets (not a complaint nor a problem but requires time that other stupid jobs take my time and attention away from).

People not doing their fucking jobs. I end up doing probably 15 jobs a week that other people are paid to do but don't. And I'm not getting paid to do them.

Contacting delivery companies to say the parcel they delivered to 'my' house wasn't my house. Filing a claim for lost mail.

I was supposed to have a delivery from Amazon yesterday. It was out for delivery. The time slot kept getting moved to later in the day. Then I get notification that the items are undeliverable and have been returned to Amazon. No explanation as to why. Products ordered now double the price so I need to spend time looking elsewhere.

These are just a handful of problems out of many many dozens every week. People say don't sweat the small stuff but it's all irritating as hell. I'd MUCH rather spend all this time playing with my children rather than chasing people and doing no end of 'life admin'. It can all go to hell.

I feel you @Squiff70

My latest monumental time wasting task has been trying to resolve issues with internet supplier, involving endless redirections to different departments - and now months later, trying to get a refund. Hours on the phone every time. It’s such a colossal waste of time.

Agree on pets - I love my pets! But it’s still a long list of tasks. One of mine has developed a health issue so now I need to medicate them multiple times a day. Another daily chore. Another monthly appointment.

I’d like to just stop bothering but presumably everything would fall apart pretty quickly.

@Yellowdays no family nearby unfortunately

@RocketIceLollie @JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn I do try and just do the basics / lower my standards (tbh I don’t think my standards are very high) - but even then it takes up far too much time.

Yep!

Sorry to hear one of your pets is unwell. You're doing what you can to help them and that's what counts! I try to prioritise living breathing things. Humans and pets, but the poor house plants have been neglected for a long time and I swear we now have tigers in the garden.

I'm being ripped off by the company I pay contents and buildings insurance to. I've been with them years but they only allow you to cancel the contract when it's up for renewal. I think the streak is currently 6 years when this hasn't happened. Either I forget the bloody thing is up for renewal, the letters get lost in a sea of paperwork, or the occasions when I do get chance to act on it, I write to notify them that I intend to cancel the contract and offer the required 30 days (or whatever) notice, but they claim they haven't received my letter, or didn't receive it in time, or they "don't know why it hasn't been actioned on my account", or if I phone them, they hang up after I give my details and tell them why I'm ringing.

I just cannot be arsed spending so much time and energy trying to sort it out now, so I continue being ripped off every month.

I was including your partner/DH, unless you are a single parent. It's can't all be done by one person without longer term consequences.

You need to stop ironing !

Agree. I feel permanently stressed, and I'm a SAHM! It's never-ending.

As a single parent I do all the above. But with two kids with ND and zero help.

What are the long term consequences you speak of!!?

Perhaps the the married overworked one - single parent life is what comes !?

I didn't see you were a single parent. I think in couples where long term the woman does most of the long list of chores, she can get burnt out, affecting work and health over time, and also up resentment , affecting or even ruining relationships.

I admire you and all single parents more than you know. You must hate the saying 'I don't know how you do it' because if you don't have a choice then you just get on with it. I often wonder whether my life needs to be simplified dramatically (no idea how as I don't have time to even contemplate HOW I'd do that), or I'm wasting too much time on the wrong thing. The problem is, all my time gets taken up on things which are equally important or necessary which means the less important or necessary stuff NEVER gets dealt with.

Serious question - how DO you do it, whilst caring for your children?

Is love to know the answer. I have 3 little children and work part time. My husband does nothing and I mean nothing around the house or with/for the children as he works very very long hours in a physical job which means he comes home, eats, showers and falls asleep. I'm feeling burnt out and tearful today.