I was wondering if I could use the collective power of man to garner ideas.
I have a very small income but do have time. I have bipolar disorder, and since the birth of my second daughter 5 years ago, crippling anxiety. I have multiple panic attacks each day, second guess every last little thing I do, and ruminate terribly. I am worried that I am ruining my children’s lives, and helicopter parent like there is no tomorrow. Today I am freaking out because we went out this morning to forest school for 3 hours, and spent this afternoon at home, so I am not doing enough to keep dd2 stimulated and moving forwards. If we had gone out this afternoon I would be worrying that she had not had any down time. Nothing I do is right, I beat myself up over everything.
I cannot keep living like this, it is impacting every last little thing I do and sucking the happiness out of everything. I dread each day. Is private therapy the only way forward? I’ve hit a brick wall with the NHS (not their fault, just the way it is). Can I read any books/textbooks/take courses? I want to put my spare time to good use and help myself and the girls, as I am a huge hindrance like this.
Thank you