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DS(8) copying other children’s behaviour

10 replies

Strawbee · 05/03/2023 08:39

DS recently turned 8 (y3) and has a habit of copying/mirroring three of his friend’s behaviour and at Beavers group - by this I mean if the other child is being very silly or hyper he will copy, and can sometimes end up behaving worse. It’s like he doesn’t know when to stop, when enough is enough. He becomes a show-off and just won’t reign in his behaviour.

Constant reminders before we meet up with these children and at Beavers about expected behaviour, reprimanded when his behaviour starts to go downhill etc, loss of privileges like the Switch are to no avail. It doesn’t help that one child laughs constantly at him showing off so it spurs him on (her DM tells her not to laugh).

This is 3 of his friend’s plus some children in his Beavers group. I volunteer at his Beavers group and there is 5 children who are very disruptive and/or hyper and he joins in and copies them. The Leader is quite poor at managing behaviour so each week is a shit show.

I will add that he is usually a well-behaved child, calm and sensible, and when with children who are like this he is his usual self. School don’t see this behaviour, and we only see it with these particular children (3 of them, same age, meet up
separately) and at Beavers.

It’s at a point where I dread meeting up with these children and at Beavers who he becomes so silly/hyper with as it’s so stressful, I end up constantly telling him off and it’s embarrassing. It’s like he loses all control of his behaviour and he will get very stroppy with me when I intervene.

It’s very easy to say just give him a warning and go home but when you’ve met up with other people it affects them too. I’m at my wit’s end and would think at 8 he should have learnt not to copy other children so much. I asked his y2 teacher about it and she said it’s normal to copy but they are all learning not to but this is now nearly a year later.

OP posts:
madnessitellyou · 05/03/2023 08:41

I'm sure someone will have some more sensible advice but I'd be refusing to take him.

Awumminnscotland · 05/03/2023 08:50

I'd think of it as a social situation he can't manage yet and stop beavers for a while. Don't do it as a punishment or shame him for it but maybe have a not too heavy chat about how you can see he struggles with behaviour at beavers so at the moment you'll not be going but maybe make that a night where you do something low key together instead that he enjoys.

Awumminnscotland · 05/03/2023 08:52

Also, our Beavers leader also does not lead well and there is a fair bit of mayhem like this where some kids get over stimulated and behaviour goes off. At least 2 parents I know have similar concerns to you.

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GoldilockMom · 05/03/2023 08:55

Then remove him! It really is that easy - you give him a chat before hand - then a warning - then leave

You only need to do this once or twice.

You are going Ben this advice because it works.

GoldilockMom · 05/03/2023 08:56

Given!

Strawbee · 05/03/2023 09:16

@Awumminnscotland he only has 4 weeks left at Beavers before he moves to Cubs after Easter. If I was the Leader I would be speaking to parents about their child’s behaviour but that never happens. I absolutely dread going each week and would quit if they weren’t so short staffed. DH says just hang in there for 4 more weeks but it’s awful and embarrassing watching your child go totally hyper when you know this is not their natural disposition, and I guess from his point of view the Leader doesn’t manage any child’s behaviour so I’m the baddy for trying to catch him and have a quiet word (repeatedly).

@GoldilockMom perhaps I can ask the other parents if they will do a ‘set up’ with me where they know in advance that we may leave to avoid them being annoyed/disappointed

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 05/03/2023 09:36

Maybe the other leaders are afraid to correct him when you are there. I presume you will not be volunteering at his new group. As a teacher l never got involved in the exact group my own dc were in at sport/ hobbies etc as you always see your own and the other adults are waiting for you to sort it.
If he is always well behaved elsewhere maybe he just needs to let off a bit of steam so maybe giving him plenty of opportunities to have good run around using up surplus energy before hand might help.
Also l am am a firm believer in not telling children to behave or wowning them before you go into places. Trust him to behave. He knows how. So making a big thing of it only reinforces your lack of trust in him. Say nothing and see how he gets on. And don't expect him to be too perfect. 8 year olds can be very silly but they grow out of that so cut him some slack. And don't follow him up to the next grade. Let him off and the leaders will handle it.

Strawbee · 05/03/2023 10:03

@junebirthdaygirl when the Leader occasionally reprimands any of the children she always does with my DS too so no issues there with her not doing it in front of me.

I will definitely not be helping out at Cubs except for on the parent rota, partly as I don’t enjoy it anymore but also DS is older now and I want him to be independent of me.

I will try saying nothing before we go out about expected behaviour.

OP posts:
piedbeauty · 05/03/2023 13:16

Poor leader! No wonder that fewer people are stepping up to volunteer with children's events and clubs when parents act like this.

Maybe she feels that she can't intervene if you are right there?

If I was her I'd have asked the whole disruptive bunch to leave, so she can focus on all the other poor kids there who are losing out.

If I were you, I'd take your son out now, and tell him why.

I'm amazed that some of the other mums haven't complained about your dc's behaviour.

budgiegirl · 05/03/2023 20:17

It’s at a point where I dread meeting up with these children and at Beavers who he becomes so silly/hyper with as it’s so stressful, I end up constantly telling him off and it’s embarrassing. It’s like he loses all control of his behaviour and he will get very stroppy with me when I intervene

Just remove him from the situation. If he misbehaves at Beavers, give him one warning calmly, and if it carries on, take him home straight away (unless doing so causes problems with adult/child ratios). Do the same if you are out with his friends/friends parents. It's not embarrassing, it's just how children can be sometimes. Other parents will surely understand, we've all been there at one time or other. Be firm, but fair. Constant telling off with no consequences doesn't work.

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