How to foster independence in your DC when living rurallh

[Bemyclementine]

DC are 6 and 7, I feel if we lived somewhere else, they would be "playing out" with friends, or moving towards going to a park if very close by. Popping to the shop with their pocket money.There are no pavements on our road, it's a country lane, buy also does have people driving too fast. The nearest shop is only a mile away but again, no pavements and that seems a long way until they are quite a bit older. Their school is 4.5 miles away.

A relatives teen DC are very very sheltered, and I'm keen for my dc to learn to be more independent and a bit more savvy, if possible. (I know some kids just arent)

I'm doing what I can within the home, but keen to hear some ideas of about how to build independence out of the home.

Honestly? When they’re a bit older they’ll be able to ride bikes but it sounds as though you are a way off them being able to walk to the nearest shop. I played in the street at that age but we lived on a cul de sac. My (London) street is too traffic-y for my children to play outside on their own.

No idea sorry, but with the world how it is even if you weren't rural I wouldn't let a 6 and 7 year old out anywhere alone.

They have friends in much less rural village areas, who play out on the green in front if the houses, or a couple have a park in the middle that the houses overlook. One has a shop about 100 yards away. They're still rural but much less so than us

I think all you can do is wait until they are old enough to walk a mile to a shop.

It’s tricky. I grew up somewhere almost identical to where to describe although shop/school were both about 3 miles away and it did give me a very sheltered upbringing.

Now I live in a small town and really have no clue how to bring up my DC here because I don’t really know what’s normal in terms of walking to local shop, walking to park etc because we just couldn’t do it!

My child is 7so thinking the same although in a village near a town so not rural. I'm thinking, taking bus journeys more so they can learn the process,talk about personal safety and learn from observing you.
Get them to write a short shopping list maybe for something they want to make and let them take the lead in the supermarket and get used to handling money and again learning social norms and when and how to be assertive.
Try the same in a small village shop and know when, how and who to ask for help.
Encourage them to order their menu choice when out.
Have frequent chats about what to do if you get lost or you miss the bus or on a lower level, you lose your list or the thing isn't in the shop. Also if you are upset by something you see or someone says something to upset you. This could just be other kids they see or something they don't understand but for young kids it can make them anxious when alone. Build up their confidence in mastering everyday tasks at home. I think boosting self esteem and self confidence over time with practice and routines of everyday life helps.
That's my plan so far anyway🙂

I think that's it @Awumminnscotland . I rarely take them 'into town' but think I will start doing this occasionally, and also go on the bus. I think that talks about "what ifs" are a great idea

DS is an only child so you are already one step ahead as they can start roaming free earlier given there are two of them!

This is what we did:

Any school/village fetes/fireworks etc, kids allowed to roam freely within parameters (always stick with friend, meet us here at XX o'clock etc) from about age 7.

Occasionally dropped kids off in village to hang out at park, go to shop etc, from about age 9.

On dog walks with friends, from about 10 onwards, we would allow the group of kids to do their own walk and meet up with us at the end (so probs 40 mins independence).

Allowed kids to go on independent country lane bike rides to farm shop (about 2 miles away) from about age 12.

Once at secondary school (a train ride and then walk through town centre from the station to school) DS's independence very quickly caught up with his peers, and now aged 14 he's just as street-wise/savvy as his friends who grew up with more freedom in a town, i.e. we're happy for him to go up to London with friends etc.

We also did beavers, cubs, scouts, explorers etc, which fosters independence in a safe structured way.

The best thing to do is get out of the car as much as possible and get to bigger places. Kids in rural areas are often less independent as teens due to transport issues, it is just what it is.

You can however teach them how to read maps, be the navigator - this makes them an active participant in travel even while being driven.

Almost all the other things e.g. cooking, cleaning, planning, making phone calls, placing orders can be done just the same in rural areas.

Yes go to cities to become more aware of the issues in those contexts. Always good to get out of your own bubble (I try to do this).

We lived rural all the time our dc were young. They never got to walk to a shop or even cycle to town as the road is deadly with traffic. They grew up very independent. Its more of a lifestyle. We never fussed over little things. They had lots of friends over and because we have lots of space they played outside all the time with those friends. When we went on holidays they loved swimming in the sea for example. My dsis was very jumpy when hers did that but dh did loads with them and they became very confident in water. We encouraged them to try new hobbies get stuck into quite boisterous sports etc and now they are adults they are very independent.When it came to time for university they just headed off eager for adventure and meeting new people. We totally encouraged that and again made no big fuss. My dd has travelled alone and they are always ready to take on new situations.
I wouldn't worry about the issues you can't solve. Just be independent in your own life not over thinking stuff or putting fear into them and they will be fine.

Honestly, I would move!
I lived very rurally as a child and between the ages of 18-20 (when I got my car and finally some freedom from my parents!) I made a lot of mistakes because I literally had no idea how the world worked.
I had never ordered anything from Macdonald's for example (got laughed at for that one!). I didn't know what to order from the Chinese (never had one). I didn't know how to order a taxi after a night out......the list of basic life skills that I didn't have was endless! My parents weren't worried though as long as I knew how to muck the cows out properly!!
Living rurally is lovely when kids are in primary school, it felt like a prison to me when I started high school. It also made making friends difficult as when they were making plans to go into town on a Saturday I knew I couldn't go, my parents didn't want me to go so made excuses as to why I couldn't get a lift. There were no buses.
Sorry if I have put a dampener on things, I lived the rural life and I am now ridiculously happy in my terraced house in a little town with people and life around me. My daughter is at a sleep over with her friends and my son went out yesterday with his mates who are within walking distance for him. This gives me a warm fuzzy feeling that they are having the childhood I missed out on.

@Eattheeel hmm I'm not sure having 2 helps! They wind each other up and do things together they'd never do alone . Some great ideas though abd thinking about it, sone we do already.

They do Beavers and will continue on to cubs/scouts.

A positive to where we live is that the village bus goes past the end of the road, it looks around all the villages between 2 towns but is hourly which is amazing for this area.

@junebirthdaygirl I think in some ways they have a lot more freedom. Since being quite small they've had to entertain themselves while I deal with animals. They know about electric fencing, not going into field with animals, not leaving our fields. They roam around, and if we have friends their parents are often on edge or fussing when they cant see dc. And especially about the dirt....

@3LittleFishes Haha it's not that simple is it. I had a rural upbringing, less so at primary school (could cycle/walk to school and a shop, abd friends, more a village life) but by secondary we were properly in the sticks. Luckily my parents were happy to taxi and also happy to have any number of friends over. My social life was great!

I want to be happy yo let them go into town when older, there's a bus and I'd drive them, I want them to have the skills to do so. The teens I mentioned in my op are really clueless.

I wouldn’t worry yet. We live in a fairly large village and the only DC who play out at that age are an absolute menace (think falling out of trees and breaking their arm and not knowing how to contact their parents, play fighting with large sticks in the toddlers playground and telling the adult who asked them to stop to ‘eff off’ etc etc…I know that’s not universal but it’s hardly idyllic round here). I’m starting slowly here in Y5 with short walks to friends and building up to walking round and to school in Y6. Frankly that was exactly what happened in my 80s (city) childhood and I’ve managed to adult fine!

I live really pretty rurally and I think you’re worrying over nothing. Our nearest (daily not weekly😆) bus stop is 1.5/2miles away - at 11 I let the kids cycle to it and get the bus to town with friends. They were allowed to cycle to friends houses in nearby hamlets from 9. They’re all perfectly capable🤷🏼‍♀️. At 11 they are also able & allowed to get the train from the nearest town to our nearest if the buses aren’t running etc. You’re over thinking this.

I think it's fine OP, they're still very young. We live rurally (similar to your description) and at that age my DC couldn't go out on their own, but since they started secondary school they get the bus to and from school and sometimes hang out in town after school (eg if they have a half day or end or term). They are having a more "innocent" childhood than I did growing up in central London, but I think that's a good thing!

My dc in spite of living rurally could all do those things as teens. As soon as they started going out socially they ordered taxis etc. I think your family were more responsible than actually the rural thing.

Also OP as a teacher l often find the kids off farms to be most independent as they have their own tasks on the farm quite early and can take responsibility very well from an early age. All that stands to them. I presume ye go into town regularly so send them in to get stuff for you and they will pick up that skill quite quickly.
Also farm kids usually end up driving early due to their location so that fosters independence too. They will be fine.

I think it works both ways. We live rurally, and so my DC got used to going to school on the bus very early, and would happily get the bus for an hour into the nearest city to meet friends as young teenagers. Where as DN lives in a town, walked to school, friends all live within five minutes walk, and even now in her 20's doesn't like travelling into the city five miles away.