Would you help someone suffering from domestic abuse?

[heartbroken22]

I've been having nightmares about this lady who I know got married to a local taxi driver. She's been beaten up in the most horrendous way for 13 years and then decided to call the police one day. Her mother in law and husband decided this was too much so sent her back to the country she came from (even though she has British citizenship and 2 kids here). She thought she had made up with her husband and he told her to go abroad to destress and he would follow her. But once she reached there he's told her he's divorcing her and found someone else. She has no money or anything (financial abuse) and she's stuck there. She's incredibly depressed and obviously has no acces to her kids. She's worried about her kids particularly her younger daughter. She's been kept away when she's here so she has no friends or anything.

I woke up thinking about her and want to help her see her kids again. I'm happy to pay for her ticket here and then I'm not sure what I could do. I know she'd need a lot of support but...? The family she got married into unfortunately have a habit of bringing girls from abroad so that they slave away. It's the second girl it's happened too.

Get in touch with a charity called Karma Nirvana who will be experienced and skilled at supporting this woman.

In this situation I would try to search for an appropriate agency to contact anonymously (definetly don’t get personally involved here).
but in general I wouldn’t get involved in Domestic Abuse situations when the couple are together. People won’t leave till they want to and will probably just get angry at you for trying to help. It’s really not worth the risk.

Sometimes sadly, there's nothing you can do. I've watched two miserable marriages from a distance. The women are conditioned to obey & give up on themselves.

Yes absolutely get involved. If you are in a position to do so. If she has a British passport she will be able to enter freely and then access legal aid to get custody of her children. The husband should also be prosecuted for the CRIMINAL acts he has perpetrated upon her. Coercion & control & Assault for starters.

All it's going to take is for you to get her home , then the rest will happen. With the help of charities and law xx

@Lotsofthingstoconsider can she get custody if she has no money?

Yes would help only at distance such as sign posting to appropriate support with charitable organisations

Absolutely! She is British. Even if she wasn't she would still have access to the family court. You do not need a lawyer to go to court. You need to pay £235 to make an application for a child arrangements order . This figure is reduced for low income and as she has no money and will need to claim UC in order to live - then she will be exempt from this fee.

However, what she really needs to do is go to the police and report the criminal behaviour of Coercion and control along with Assault causing Actual Bodily Harm .... for starters. That should then give her access to lawyers through legal aid.

Strongly support you getting in touch with specialist charities. Like Karma Nivarna mentioned above. Who have walked this road so many times before.

I don't think this approach would be suitable for your friend OP. If she has been beaten and deprived of her children and penniless she will have very poor coping strategies and will need practical help to access help. 'Helping from a distance' will not be sufficient given the scenario you have described.

By all means help her to help herself but she will need a leg up. Such as a home for a couple of weeks in order to get applications in to UC, housing, Police and Legal Aid. ..

Just sending ticket money and some charitable information is not going to help much. Where does she go when she arrives at the airport ? How does she get online to claim UC without a device or address no matter how temporary. Many charities will need an application to access their services. Does she even have a phone in order to call these services.

Help from a distance and sign posting can be useful in some circumstances but this particular situation will need a much more comprehensive handhold even for a couple of weeks until the basics are set up.

Sorry - second post in response to Goodread1 advising 'distancing'

If she does somehow get back into the country (she needs to find money for a ticket back) would she be allowed to pick her kids up from school and take them with her to the refuge/womens shelter?

She has PR so in theory could do that but I assume someone else will already be ready to collect them. It could cause an altercation with police being called and the children witnessing a very stressful situation.

There are other ways to deal with this that will minimise distress to the children

First she needs to get back. Absolutely nothing can be done, money or not, if she's not here. The longer she is away the easier it will be for the father to say the children's normal residence is with him/he's the primary carer/she is unreliable etc.

@DivorcingEU she needs to raise money for a ticket she's got no money at the moment so people are helping her. She might be back in 1-2 months. It's honestly very stressful.

@catherinecawoodrtd any advice as to how to approach it? Obviously first she'll be put in a refuge then maybe after she gets her life sorted?

She needs to get back to this country asap, get support from the local domestic violence service who can support with access to a solicitor, a refuge place and access to benefits. She should also ask a solicitor for stops on the children passports so they can't be moved out of the country if their father gets a hint she's back.
As has been said already, this needs professional, expert help.