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Original poster

Who should I leave everything to?

29 replies

SnickersWasAHorse · 04/03/2023 14:27

I have no family to speak of. Only distant cousins who I’ve not seen in decades. DH has siblings and 6 nieces and nephews.
We have no children. We don’t live near any family.

Of the 6 nieces and nephews we are only really in contact with 2 of them who are older and have their own families. Would it be wrong to leave everything to them and not the others?

OP posts:
x2boys · 04/03/2023 14:39

Of course.not ,leave it to the people who mean the most.to you .

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 04/03/2023 14:40

Spend as much as you can on yourself and then leave the rest to whoever you like. You'll be dead so it won't affect you if others choose to be peeved.

Doidontimmm · 04/03/2023 14:41

Leave it to DH siblings?

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Original poster
SnickersWasAHorse · 04/03/2023 14:47

Doidontimmm · 04/03/2023 14:41

Leave it to DH siblings?

No. He doesn’t get on with two of them and the remaining one has loads of money. Also, if DH goes first it would feel odd leaving it to his siblings. I feel more related to nieces and nephews, if that makes sense.

OP posts:
MintJulia · 04/03/2023 14:49

What would make you happiest? Where do you think it would be most appreciated?

You don't have to leave it to family. What about friends or a charity that means something to you.

SunShineAllMine · 04/03/2023 14:51

Spend it.

I wouldn't leave money to charities anymore due to their ideology capture issues.

Give a small amount to people you like in life, friends, if you have a nice postie or someone in a shop who is genuine and decent.

Shouldbedoing · 04/03/2023 14:51

Leave it to the neices and nephews you interact with and make a small gift of money to those you never see. That will make it harder to contest your will/blame their siblings for 'stealing' all the money.
It nay never happen anyway, with the cost of Care in your old age.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 04/03/2023 14:56

Spend as much as you can. Leave anything left to those who's time you enjoy the most.

pringlesinacan · 04/03/2023 14:57

Any I have left will be going to a charity. Not letting any of my family get their hands on it. Also no kids and an only child as if my DH.

SunShineAllMine · 04/03/2023 14:59

I thought if my children died before me, that I would try to find some land to be bought after I die and nobody can walk or build on it. Just leave it as a parcel nobody could own or use.

GoodChat · 04/03/2023 15:00

If you feel like those two are your family, leave it to them. Don't worry about the others.

I have an aunt with no children and I wouldn't be upset at all if she chose to leave her money to any of my cousins.

MeinKraft · 04/03/2023 15:03

You could leave it to a conservation type charity and benefit all of the children for years to come.

Moonlaserbearwolf · 04/03/2023 15:04

SunShineAllMine · 04/03/2023 14:59

I thought if my children died before me, that I would try to find some land to be bought after I die and nobody can walk or build on it. Just leave it as a parcel nobody could own or use.

Only for 12 years!

mast0650 · 04/03/2023 15:08

No it wouldn't be wrong. If it was me I would probably leave them a modest amount but also give much of it to charity (don't know how much we are talking about in total)

crazeecatladee · 04/03/2023 15:09

We have a similar situation. Only 1 BL, 2 nieces with families. We figure that nieces will get parents money so we were going to leave ours to GN, but we don't see them even though we live in the same town. They are all busy leading their own lives (fair enough) but we don't even see them on high days or holidays. Shame for them 'cos it would have been enough to get every one of them on the housing ladder. Charities will benefit though!!

SabbatWheel · 04/03/2023 15:09

Make your own lives as comfortable as you can and then it’s your choice who you leave the rest to.

DM had an older friend (who died after her child predeceased her) and the old lady left everything in equal shares to her executors (DM being one). It was enough to enable DM to enter retirement without money worries and she has been comfortable without being well-off ever since.

crazeecatladee · 04/03/2023 15:11

@Moonlaserbearwolf Why only twelve years?

Rumblingwellies · 04/03/2023 15:13

Leave it to people that you care about. But importantly that care for you and make an effort to spend time with you.

My Db got a surprise inheritance from an elderly neighbour. He did her shopping, helped around the house and took her out places. He did it because he liked her not because he wanted anything. If fact he didn't even know she had anything to leave. She cut out her estranged son who was a nasty character by all accounts. He inherited everything, money and property.

Deedippy · 04/03/2023 15:14

Absolutely nothing wrong with that. Leave it to the people that mean the most to you.

My uncle passed last year and had never married and was childless. He left everything to his nieces and nephews but was equally close to all of us. We all feel very lucky and honoured that he chose us, not because of the financial side but because he thought of us. None of us were expecting it and we all miss him alot. I'm sure your niece and nephew may feel the same.

Also you will be dead so the ones that you haven't left anything to can't have a go at you about it. As someone else suggested might be an idea to leave them a much smaller amount

MamOfFive · 04/03/2023 15:14

Of course not, I'd do the same. Why would you leave your assets to someone who doesn't bother with you?

MamOfFive · 04/03/2023 15:14

I'd also spend as much as you can, really enjoy yourselves!

ifonly4 · 04/03/2023 15:15

Leave it to the ones you have contact with. You could leave a note with Will explaining that you've left them the money as you're the only ones you're in contact with (just in case anyone disputes Will later on). Alternatively, you could consider leaving some to a charity you both support.

bigbluebus · 04/03/2023 15:23

We've just had a similar discussion as currently re-doing our wills. We only have one (surviving) adult child so needed to decide what to do if they pre-deceased us. DH and I have 2 siblings each but we are both the youngest by quite a few years so thought it pointless to leave anything to them. They're all in their 60s/70s and well set up. We decided to name nieces and nephews (of which there are 3 on one side and 4 on the other) as the backstop even though we hardly see the 3 on my side. If there was to be an unfortunate series of events which saw me, DH and DC wiped out early, our decision would mean one of my DBs is totally excluded as he doesn't have children but we decided that it was the least complicated way to cover the scenario.

DomPom47 · 04/03/2023 15:25

Personally I would leave it to the two older that you are closer too. Also think about whether there’s a charity that might be close to your or your OH’s heart that you may want to leave something to. Also, enjoy what you have, you’re under no obligation to leave anything to anyone. If there’s things you want to buy or do just go for it.

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/03/2023 15:26

No it’s fine. As a rule, if you have kids you want to divide equally, but that doesn’t apply to more distant relationships.

Spend as much as you can on enjoying your life though.

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