Would you feel funny about this? (probably a non-issue)

[OngoingCrisis]

I have a friend (of about 6 years). We have spent much time together and enjoy each other's company. I can rely on them about 90% of the time. Said friend can sometimes go on a hiatus and not want to see me/decline any suggestions of meeting (e.g. just for a quick coffee) and their texting pattern will change. Friend only behaves like this with me, though; during their hiatus, they will still make time for other friends.

Said hiatus is currently happening and I haven't seen my friend for a month or so but they messaged me today and after a bit of texting they've asked for a favour (because I have a car). I haven't agreed or straight out said no (but I most likely will decline) to the favour as it just rubs me the wrong way a bit, I haven't seen them for a while and now when they want to see me it's because they are asking for a favour. If this was any other friend I'd probably say yes.

Majority of the time, my friend is reliable which is why I'm a bit unsure, however, I have no issue with saying no but just want to know if I am making this into something it's not.

Thank you for reading :)

I don't know, do you have an inkling why they take a break from only you?

Personally I'd do it, I think providing a favour when a friend is in need is exactly what a friendship is about. They feel comfortable enough to come to you, even when having not seen you in a while is a testiment to the strength of friendship.

Obviously, if they only ever get in touch for a favour that's totally different.

@growgrowinggrown I think they're much closer with other friends, regarding them as family. You do make a good point but the cynic in me is wondering what if my friend is only coming to me as everyone else is busy? They don't only get in touch for a favour and tbh they don't really ask me for much that often. Something just doesn't feel right this time though. Maybe I am overthinking

So they’re only talking to you now because they need a favour? Absolutely no! Periodically deciding they’re not going to talk/see you with no explanation isn’t a good friend

Said friend can sometimes go on a hiatus and not want to see me/decline any suggestions of meeting (e.g. just for a quick coffee) and their texting pattern will change. Friend only behaves like this with me, though; during their hiatus, they will still make time for other friends.

What makes you think think they are avoiding you rather than being genuinely being busy?

@MunchMonster friend will show me pictures of all the things they've done with other friends during the time we haven't seen eachother/spoken

@Citrysign I know what you mean. It's been like this many times, my mother doesn't think they're a good friend to me

Yeah but maybe she had that planned already and you invited her to do stuff when she already had a busy week arranged. Or she though well i haven't seen X friend for a while so I need to keep some time aside to see them rather than you who she has seen a couple of weeks ago. It sounds like you want her all to yourself. Sorry if I've got that all wrong.

How often do you normally see each other and how long do you go during these hiatuses?

I don't quite understand. She's a good friend 90% of the time, except for the 10% where she goes off the grid? This time she's asking for a favour. Does she only get in touch each time for a favour? Or is this the first time?
For personal reasons I haven't seen most of my friends for ages. But I have been out with some friends but this is because a family member has arranged these events, not my choice. I can't avoid family when I go off grid...and believe me I've tried!! But I really like all my friends. My disappearing is no reflection on them or my feelings about them. It's purely, and selfishly, about me and my need for isolation from time to time.

@MunchMonster Not at all. I have other friends too and they don't "behave" this way at all. Nothing to do with wanting them to myself but I've noticed a couple of times they will not make much effort with me for a while and then they'll make an appearance and conveniently, at the same time they want something.
@DysmalRadius at most, we usually see eachother 3 times a month, lower end of the scale once. Hiatus tends to last two months usually
@MarshaMelrose I understand that as I'm quite introverted however, a lot of the time with my friend, if they decide they want to meet it's usually on their terms

Honestly, if you sometimes see each other once a month but this can drop to once in two months, I probably wouldn't call that a hiatus so much as the ebb and flow of life.

I just tried to make arrangements with somone and realised I don't have a free day until mid April - normally I'm nowhere near this busy, but it does happen once or twice a year. I'm booked up seeing other friends on some of those days though and it wouldn't occur to me not to mention that when I see them - is it not possible that you are reading more into something completely innocent?

I understand that as I'm quite introverted however, a lot of the time with my friend, if they decide they want to meet it's usually on their terms.

I have a friend like this but without ever any hiatus! 😆 It's really annoying. But I just have to weigh up whether the aggravation is worth it to have him in my life. Its a very close decision and could go either way! So I understand completely. Ask for some favours of your own and see what the response is. If it's not good, parcel them up and file them in the ”only to be used at my own convenience“ pigeonhole.