How do I not lose myself at work?

[UZH]

For 20 years I was a teacher. Lots of creativity and autonomy - I was good at it and I loved it. Then I got too expensive and was managed out. I decided to leave teaching and after a year or so of unemployment I ended up in another public sector, but this time in an office.

Its awful. I am on the verge of tears all day. I am going numb and starting to appreciate why my colleagues are insular and unfriendly. I want to be the most bland person I can be. I am currently sat in the car park and I want to drive off and never stop driving.

Words of wisdom please 😢

Look for a different job? How long have you been there?

Not all offices are the same, not all jobs are the same. If this one doesn’t suit you it doesn’t mean the next one won’t.

Have you ruled out returning to teaching?

I’ll return to teaching if there’s no alternative. I’ve been there two months.

I don't know but I'm going to follow this thread to find out if there is a way! When I was put on furlough it felt like a bereavement, I hadn't realised how much of my identity was in the work that I do. I felt empty inside, my normality had changed. Once I got back to work after furlough I got 'myself' back but I've very conscious that in five years time my boss will retire and my job which I've been doing for nearly 30 years will cease to exist and I will be made redundant in my 50s. I know I need a better work/life balance but I don't know how to achieve it and I might just be you in a few years and I'm dreading it.

Supply teaching?

I have a friend who ended a teaching career but has recently gone back as a supply teacher and she loves it.

As for insular and unfriendly colleagues are you sure it’s that? What’s the staff turnover like? Do they get lots of new people who then leave, which perhaps makes some of them less inclined to make much of an effort? Are you all office based, or hybrid/remote working?

Perhaps they like to keep work/personal life separate, so polite but not open to “friendship”. Office culture is quite different to how I imagine a school “community” may be.

How is it awful ?

Can you take some time off if you're feeling that way? Visit your GP?

Is the work awful in itself, or awful because you can't be creative and manage your own work?

I used to be a teacher so I understand how being a teacher is part of your identity. It can be hard to adjust and I used to miss it a lot. I'm now 8 years on from the day I left teaching and in a new successful (ish) career path... I still think of my teaching days but those skills are so useful for 'behaviour managing' your colleagues... you'll work it soon!

Also... it really depends who you work with. I struggle with people who haven't been to uni because it's a given in teaching.

Teaching also bonds you with other teachers because you all have the same academic background and the same struggles, but that's not the case in offices. People are more diverse and it's a bit more luck of the draw whether you relate to them or not.

Can I ask what type of office job you're doing? And industry? Because different industries have different sorts of people...

Become an Apprenticeship Skills Coach/ Tutor? Your Teaching experience/ quals will be sought after.

Also... it really depends who you work with. I struggle with people who haven't been to uni because it's a given in teaching.

@workingmumuk that's quite the statement 😮

Can I ask how you struggle?

Also... it really depends who you work with. I struggle with people who haven't been to uni because it's a given in teaching.
Teaching also bonds you with other teachers because you all have the same academic background and the same struggles,

I don't agree with any of this. You don't instantly know who in the office environment is a graduate and I don't believe it's possible to tell.

Similarly with teaching. I did teacher training (gave it up long ago as it wasn't the vocation for me) but met people while training with very different backgrounds, including academic. I taught in a small private school, and I don't believe that we were bonded particularly on account of 'struggles'.

The job itself is fine, were I left to get on with it. One of my colleagues in particular is very difficult and our office manager is like nothing I’ve experienced in school. There’s a low-level sexism that feels very 1980s to me.

I have a PhD... so a lot of my life was at uni. It's just a different life experience. I also have ASD (mild) and so struggle to relate to others without similar life experiences.

Didn't mean any offence by the statement, it's just I struggle to relate to some types of people.

As for the struggle of teaching, I worked in a school with many children who were homeless, constantly reporting safeguarding issues, many didn't speak English, lots of physical disability... that experience does bond you with the other teachers! We were a close bunch because of the shared experience of teaching these precious children who had such unfortunate home lives.

Sorry if I wasn't clear enough 🤪

I too have ASD, unfortunately. Though I'd only share under an anonymous name change online like this as people do judge. It can present challenges.

Do you ask people if they're university graduates? Just wondering...

No I don't ask... just get to know people.

You have to start being more YOU. they're not going to sack you for it.

Start doing creative things and be yourself more. Half the people will still stay the same moany office people, but loads more will appreciate a different kind of person working there.

I've experienced this when I first started office work. It's really tempting to go to John Lewis and buy a plain cardigan and pencil skirt and pretend your only hobby is walking and checking your pension.

Just be you. Honestly.

Oh its probably the boring people at your office (many like this on MN). I've always worked in offices, a couple were horrible but most were mostly fun where I made friends with my colleagues. Change jobs, it's them. I don't think it will improve

If it's the people and not the job, change the
People. Can you find a similar role in a different company?

You loved teaching and there's a massive shortage of teachers. So I'm not sure why you don't just go back into teaching.
Or you could do supply teaching.
Or you could do tutoring, which seems to be very well paid.
Spoilt for choice really.

Just be you. Honestly.

This was pretty much the conclusion last night in the pub with a small group of good friends. It's hard to pick yourself up though.

I need to find a way of dealing with my line manager (or at least figure out how to hold out until he retires in June) and I need to figure out a way of dealing with ToxicColleague. Should I a) call her out (politely)? b) try to avoid her as much as possible? c) kill her with kindness?

@Contantly I just don't have the energy for it. I think teaching is a young person's game. Tutoring is pretty lonely, and I much preferred working with disadvantaged teens.

June is just 2 months away. Do you have any leave you can book to break it up? Look at what other jobs are available in similar areas if you like the job but not your colleagues - knowing you are working on an escape plan might help you feel more in control of things.