How much do you text in the early days of dating?

[Datingnovice2023]

I’ve had a string of bad luck recently with dating. I’ve had 3 good dates, one led to a second but then I’ve all been told “no spark” (even though I thought the dates went well and on both first dates that didn’t lead to a second date they told me “I’d like to see you again”…)

Went on a date this week and for once he has shown enthusiasm and asked me out on a second date the morning after we met! We’ve arranged for a date next week (the day but not the actual plan), but he’s hardly messaged since and I’ve not heard from him today at all.

I am probably over analysing the situation but also in my head I am just assuming that he’s going to turn around and say “actually sorry I’ve changed my mind” like the precious other first dates despite not giving this impression at the time. Anxious attachment style here I think!

So, am just wondering how much would you expect to hear from someone in the early stages of dating? One text a day? Every few days? One text a week just to arrange the date?

*previous, not precious!

Any advice? Experience to share?

I’m similar to you with an anxious attachment style and always thought the worst if I didn’t hear from them BUT current BF is not a texter and whilst I found it hard not knowing at the beginning (and sometimes still wish he was more of a texter!) we’ve been together 2 years and very happy.
At this stage I think you just have to distract yourself as much as possible and wait it out. My BF would have been happy to set up a date and then not text in between - not texting is not always a sign of ambivalence. Try to keep busy and maybe the day before just message to confirm!

Thanks @marshmallowmarzipan ! Yes I find it always throws me a bit as I am quite a texter…. but I have to distract myself!!

Any other experiences / advice?

A text the day before to arrange the date.

i don't think you can tell at this stage between uninterested / not a texter - so I would just try to distract yourself in the meantime and not put too much thought into it.

My DP was/is not a texter or even a planner so I had anxiety a lot until it was apparent that he really did want to see me every weekend. Less of an issue when we moved in together!

Sounds like @Sneakyblinders and I have very similar DPs!

So I didn’t hear from him at all yesterday.. my head is just telling me “he’s gone off you” even though we have a second date planned! Just gotta put it out of my mind…

The problem.is you don't know if he's a tester or not. Try to distract yourself. If not him then look again.

We tended to either phone (this mainly) or a quick email.

DH has never been a texter - bear in mind not everyone is dexterous or patient and men have big hands so don't get on with the piddly little soft keyboards on phones.

i would chill, not read into anything and enjoy your first date - why not ask him how he likes to communicate when you meet? Had I asked DH early on he'd have said I hate bloody texts! 😂

enjoy your first date sorry, enjoy your next date, I should have said.

Mine is like this and I found it really dispiriting e the beginning and also sometimes since (now about 19 months in) but O know from the things he says and does when we are together that v he thinks about me when we are apart just doesn't feel the need to text other than to make arrangements. Sometimes he will send me a pic or photo of something I would be interested in. I recently told him that I really like to hear from him and he had now graduated to sending me 'hope your week is going well' if we haven't seen each other for a few days. Spottiness off he is showing new a friend's WhatsApp I can see that he hasloads of unread messages from people so he is just not generally glued to his phone.
Hope you really enjoy the date and can have a conversation about texting styles - of I had dinner that at the outset I would have been less stressed I think.

Sorry for typos!

I used to be like this, if I didn’t hear from them for a few hours I’d be texting my friends worried they’d gone off me! i do think you can tell pretty early on though by their frequency/enthusiasm in responding…

Im trying to set up a first date with someone I’ve been talking to (things are just conspiring against us) and by his own admission he’s not much of a texter so at least I know it’s not me! He’s a doctor and does shift work so I’ve really had to be patient this time!

I guess from my point of view I would probably text someone at least once during the day being like, how’s your day going, if you have a second date with them and are interested?

I do honestly have this fear he is going to be like “actually, sorry, on reflection…”. That would he 4 times in a row basically and I’d be wondering what on earth I was doing wrong!!

In a similar position after 2 dates with 3rd date tomorrow. What I find difficult is the difference in enthusiasm and text frequency 2 weeks ago compared to now. Also I'm wondering whether I should have had more of a break since the ending of my previous relationship because I can't help but compare the good morning/goodnight texts and daily phone calls.

@purplefacemask it’s quite stressful isn’t it! He texted me today and is planning our second date but that’s it, no other chat but to be honest probably better this way as then we have things to talk about on the date!

Can’t you think of it as the same as meeting a friend? Say you had arrangements for next week would you expect them to text you twice a day the week commencing the meet-up.
You have only been out once or twice it’s not worth so much head space.

Really good point about how you would arrange with a friend!