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Original poster

Partner and money issues ....

19 replies

ainklll · 03/03/2023 08:07

We have been together 6 years-no kids yet but live together.
He quit his job the end of last year and went two months without a job.
My wage wasn't enough so I ended up having to borrow from my mum.
I borrowed around £1,200 altogether and told her I would split it into 3 payments monthly.
At the time he is telling me "tell her as soon as I get a job we will be paying her back"
Etc etc
So he gets a new job and he is on double the money I get per month.
He pays his half off the bills etc and no mention of giving me any money towards the money I owe my mum.
I mention so so many times "I have hardly any money left this month as I'm paying my mum £400 "
He says "don't worry we have my wage now -we have enough money "
So i have £50 left to my name till next month (bills all paid ,fridge full and mum paid )
Obviously still need any odds and ends and essentials for me.
He says he is taking me out for a day out yesterday on my day off.(he's day off too )
We go for dinner and he buys dinner and me a gin.
Then he says let's go for a cocktail.
So we are sat there and he says "well you get this one and il get next "
The lady was there with card machine so I just paid £15.
Then she brings drinks over and he says "what's wrong your face doesn't look happy "

I say that I told him I had £50 to my name
He says "il transfer you some money -shall I ?"
"I feel like I should -do you want some ,im doing it now " (he didn't )

I just think it's a bit shit
I only owe my mum what I do because he quit his job.
Then he knows I have no money and he lets me pay for the drink.
He's sat there with over £1000 spare Cash in his bank
Am I out of order ?

OP posts:
Daffodilsandbeer · 03/03/2023 08:09

Well yes you are, why didn’t you just tell this dick to pass you 1200

Clariana · 03/03/2023 08:11

No, of course you are not out of order! Instead of mentioning that you are paying your mum back, which sounds a bit like hinting, have you tried saying directly, I need you to pay back the money I borrowed from my mum, can you do it now please? And see what he says.

Fleur405 · 03/03/2023 08:12

I don’t understand why you are saying you have no money because you’re repaying your mum what you should be saying is “you owe me £1200 so you need to make a transfer asap”

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Fearnecuptea · 03/03/2023 08:27

As with many posts on mumsnet, I read this thinking you need to be 100 times more assertive and stop being a walk over. He needs to make instalments/ confirm exact payment plan today. Otherwise you need to break up and stop meekly accepting his shit. He sounds like a child and doesn't respect you or your mum.

I know it's easier said than done but there's not really anything more to say than that.

Nosandwichfilling · 03/03/2023 08:30

Just be direct and say I need X this month to pay back Mum.

frazzledasarock · 03/03/2023 08:32

Agree with PP.

why didn’t you straight up tell your boyfriend to give you the money owed?

why did you not say No you’re picking this up I have no money.

if you sit silently going along with everything your boyfriend is suggesting, you absolutely are being unreasonable. Speak for goodness sakes. And tell him to pay you back before he’s waltzing off ordering cocktails and such.

Littlebummybums · 03/03/2023 08:34

He’s a Cocklodger!

MamOfFive · 03/03/2023 08:34

Just be direct "you need to send me £1200 for my mum."

Daffodilsandbeer · 03/03/2023 09:20

He says "il transfer you some money -shall I ?""I feel like I should -do you want some ,im doing it now " (he didn't )

and what were you saying during this, as it reads like you were giving it no that’s ok. Instead of saying yes it’s 1200.

inloveandmarried · 03/03/2023 10:08

Send him your mums bank details and clearly ask him to pay back what you both had to borrow because he quit his job.

You've done your bit. This next bit is on him to sort.

Because you sorted it, because it's your mum that came to your rescue, he's got into the thinking that it's your debt.

It's not. Hand it over to him to clear the remaining. If he looks confused just say you haven't got the means to cover this month, you covered last month and it's his responsibility to pay it off.

I am cross on your behalf.

FrostyFifi · 03/03/2023 10:14

He's a dick but OP FFS use your words!

SavBlancTonight · 03/03/2023 10:15

So, for two months you paid ALL the bills, and to do that, you had to borrow money from your mum? So really, HE borrowed money from your mum? And now, he's paying his share again, but is not paying back the money he borrowed and is still making you pay for drinks etc?

I mean, yes, absolutely you should be more assertive. But also, why would anyone be with a man who is not MORTIFIED that his partner had to borrow money from her mum in order to fund him and therefore killing himself to pay it back?

Throw this one back asap. I feel queasy just reading it.

Rainbowqueeen · 03/03/2023 10:28

This guy is not a keeper OP.
You need to run for the hills. By all means spend a couple of weeks trying to get your mums money back but it seems highly unlikely he will pay a cent of it back.

You sound lovely. There’s no doubt in my mind that if you were him in this scenario, you would have repaid at least half the money by now and promised to pay the rest on your next pay day. Plus taken your OH out to celebrate your new job. He has no excuse for behaving in this way.

You would find the freedom programme really helpful.

SeriouslyLTB · 03/03/2023 10:38

Put your big girl pants on. Use your words, tell him all of this.

If you have and he hasn't sent you money: dump.

SnackyOnassis · 03/03/2023 10:53

That £1200 is HIS to pay, OP. You need to make sure he pays it of course as you made the arrangement with your mum, but the money comes from him.

It's bonkers to see this any other way. Have you ever discussed how your mum would be repaid or did he assume the money came from the magic money tree?

SallySunrise · 03/03/2023 10:59

Tell him he needs to pay you the 1200, get it and then dump him.

Marchforward · 03/03/2023 11:01

SallySunrise · 03/03/2023 10:59

Tell him he needs to pay you the 1200, get it and then dump him.

Seconded.

Also work on your commutation skills.

Gazelda · 03/03/2023 11:03

OK, use last night as a prompt to have a proper conversation. Strike while the iron is hot!

"DP, we need to talk about money. I supported you while you were't working, but had to borrow £1200 from mum to cover our expenses. Here's mum's bank details for you to transfer the money today.

While we're talking about this, let's work out a fairer way to manage the household money. I don't want to be constantly scrimping, and it was embarrassing last night when you put me in a situation where you expect me to pay for something unexpectedly. Let's put aside 2 hours on x date, when we're both off work. "

Then do it. Commit to the discussion, make a plan on paper, and then demand that he sticks to it. Don't hint. Don't expect him to guess how things are tight for you. Of course he should know, but he's not picking up on the hints and you're (understandably) getting riled that you're skint.

If he doesn't stick to the plan, start planning to leave.

AndTheSurveySays · 03/03/2023 11:07

You need to tell (not ask) him to transfer the money owed to your mother.

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