My dad died and I’m just so sad

Mochacino · 2023-03-03T01:38:08+00:00

He died a few days ago. I loved him dearly, we all did. It is only just hitting me now and I genuinely do not know how I can cope. I feel like my heart will just pound out of my chest with sadness. I know it will pass. I have the best family, I just need to hold it together but it is still crap. I don’t know what I’m looking for, reassurance I suppose. And ideas on how to cope. I’ve dragged myself out for a run, I answer any calls I get, keep in touch with my friends, I eat what I can physically manage and drink plenty of water and tea. I still feel so broken.

cstx89 · 03/03/2023 01:51

Big hugs 🤗

I lost my dad on 23rd December 2022 and I am still numb from it. I don't have any advice as its still raw for me but I didn't want to bypass your post.

Its okay and normal how you are feeling x

Mannymoomin · 03/03/2023 01:52

So sorry for your loss, OP.

I haven’t lost a parent but I have lost others I’m close to.
All I can say is take one day at a time and take the grief as it comes.

Also, just a gentle handhold from me 💐

AlloftheTime · 03/03/2023 02:03

I’m sorry you have lost your dad. Would it help if you told us a little about him?

Dogstar78 · 03/03/2023 02:06

I am up at the moment having a little cry. My Dad is in the last stages of terminal cancer and its been a bad week. So sorry you don't have your Dad anymore and you get some comfort from remembering the amazing life you had with him. It sounds like you are being really strong and doing things that helping you through a difficult time. None of it holds back the pain but staying in touch with loved ones and having people around you that care is really going to help you through this difficult time.

Original poster

Mochacino · 03/03/2023 02:12

Thank you all. He was just great. Doted on us all. Judging by the response we have had following his death he was immensely popular in the community too which is lovely.
He gradually declined but died far more suddenly than anyone thought he would. It was peaceful and all anyone could ask for but it is like someone deflated part of my soul.
@cstx89 I am sorry to hear about your dad too. It is heartbreaking but we are lucky to have had such good ones.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mochacino · 03/03/2023 02:14

@Dogstar78 I feel for you. Get as many cuddles in as you can xx

OP posts:

Summer2424 · 03/03/2023 02:22

Hi @Mochacino i'm so sorry for your loss 😔
I lost my Dad 9 years ago, he was 60 years old when he passed away and it was sudden, overnight he was gone.
Keep doing what you're doing, going for a run, speaking to friends and eating what you can.
Sending you lots of strength to get through this time x

Kimberz · 03/03/2023 03:49

So sorry.

We lost our Dad over 2 years ago. It still hurts alot and we miss him so much. It was very sudden.

It takes time for wounds to heal but the sadness for losing him os still the same as it was and I dont think will ever change - you just learn to cope.

To help us keep Dads memory alive and keep him Close all the time, we brought bespoke tack for our horses in his business colours (his Army regiment colours) we complete the REME (Army regiment) virtual 10k every year and we had rings made with his ashes.

Find something that you can do too. It really helps.

It'll never replace Dad but it just helps to soften the blow.

Big hugs. There is no rush in the process.

catinboooots · 03/03/2023 03:55

My dad died Summer 2021 and it's like my life stopped at that point. I'm doing counselling, I'm on medication - but I don't think I will ever properly recover.

All of my love and sympathy to you and your family.

Leafer · 03/03/2023 04:00

So sorry for your loss. It’s so painful. My dad died 2 years ago and it still hurts so much. You do get used to the day to day though. When it hits me it hits just as hard but between those moments of pain, you will feel ok again. Keep doing what you’re doing- running, contact with friends (I found this so important). And just letting yourself feel however you’re feeling. If you’re having a crappy day, let yourself. If you want to cry, do it.
One day at a time x

MarshaMelrose · 03/03/2023 04:01

I lost my dad in 2015. I still cry over him. He was like my safe harbour that I could go to when things got too scary. His strength and calmness with put everything into perspective and showed me the path to carry on. I don't know that you ever get over the loss but somehow you learn to live with it and that hole in your life just becomes the new normal. I think about him, talk about him, laugh over things he saud and did and feel blessed that I had in my life.
Have no expectations of yourself, no time limits or goals. Allow yourself to feel sad and cry but also don't overindulge your grief. Let your friends distract you and console you as you need. It all just takes as long as it takes - there are no rules.
I'm so sorry for your loss. We all understand. x

PotKettel · 03/03/2023 04:01

So sorry for your loss, and all the pps too. When my dad died, someone told me that the pain doesn’t go away but with time you learn to live alongside it. That is so true. These days the only times I burst into uncontrollable tears are when his favourite music pops up on Classic FM, or one of my kids does something I know he would have loved to be around to see. He has been gone for 12 years.

It really does take a very long time, and my best advice is every emotion is normal in the early stages of grief but if, in say six months time, you are still not coping at all then seek some bereavement counselling.

As pp said, one day at a time for now.

TimeForChanges123 · 03/03/2023 05:48

catinboooots · 03/03/2023 08:23

MarshaMelrose · 03/03/2023 04:01

I lost my dad in 2015. I still cry over him. He was like my safe harbour that I could go to when things got too scary. His strength and calmness with put everything into perspective and showed me the path to carry on. I don't know that you ever get over the loss but somehow you learn to live with it and that hole in your life just becomes the new normal. I think about him, talk about him, laugh over things he saud and did and feel blessed that I had in my life.
Have no expectations of yourself, no time limits or goals. Allow yourself to feel sad and cry but also don't overindulge your grief. Let your friends distract you and console you as you need. It all just takes as long as it takes - there are no rules.
I'm so sorry for your loss. We all understand. x

'Safe harbour' what a wonderful expression. Perfect two words to describe our wonderful dads.

Mary46 · 03/03/2023 09:22

Sorry for your loss op and to other posts too. We lost ours in 2018. Grief can be hard. Take care x

ButnotforLola · 03/03/2023 09:37

@Mochacino Sending you lots of love.
I lost my Dad six weeks ago. We are celebrating my daughters 18th birthday today and I was hit with lots of emotions last night.
I have his phone and he'd set a reminder about her birthday and when would be best to call her to fit in with her plans.
It is bloody hard but try to take lots of time for yourself. Sometimes easier said than done though.

CaveMum · 03/03/2023 09:48

I’m so sorry for your loss @Mochacino. I’ve not lost a parent so can’t begin to understand how you feel. MIL passed away in 2019 so I’ve done my best to help DH with his grief.

All I’d say is do what you need to and what feels right for you. It’s totally normal to feel “fine” one moment and a mess the next - it’s your brain processing things.

It is probably too soon for you right now, but maybe when you are ready I’d really recommend listening to the Griefcast podcast with Cariad Lloyd. She lost her dad to cancer when she was 15 and each episode she talks to someone about their own loss, be it recent or a long time ago, and how people go through grief. It’s not a depressing listen, though obviously there are emotional moments, it’s a very reassuring and often uplifting exploration of loss and grief.

Be kind to yourself, there is no right or wrong way to grieve.