What would you say to a dear friend that has told you they feel like they might have a breakdown ?

[Bluetitnest]

Would you say oh no you won’t you’ll be fine yoj acn get through this etc

or would you say well if you do, don’t worry you’ll be ok and we will pull through this somehow

or something else ?

she’s been under a lot of stress for over 6 months

I would say is there anything I can realistically and feasibly do to lighten your load? If not, I'm here if you need driving to the Dr's, I'm here if you want me to put the kettle on or if you want to shout and cry, but I'll also be here if you need to hibernate and be quiet for a bit too.

I'd say, I'm probably going to check on you every few days to see if it changes, but I won't pressure you to so please ignore me if it's too much.

I'd say whatever you need and as long as it takes I'm here for you, but there's no rush.

I'd say 'ok let's go through all the things you're feeling overwhelmed by and let's see if there's anything we can do do you don't get to that point'
Then talk. Sometimes talking it through can make a massive difference.
Get her out every now and then too to help clear her head. A walk and a chat can be amazing.

The friend needs professional help if they feel that way. I've been on both sides of this.
As the person feeling they're having a breakdown , I needed someone to properly listen to me. No phones, no distraction, no interruption, just time to be able to express and perhaps explore. I got this from counselling. In terms of what I would have liked from a friend, is that I would have liked just a bit of hand holding, regular check in messages and someone who could champion me a little bit.
In the shoes of the person hearing their friend say they're feeling bad, I have done several things ranging between contacting their line manager (in the case of a colleague) and talking her situation over (I wasn't breaking a confidence as the boss knew the situation but not the depth of feeling), I have also offered regular chats and given them flowers, and offered advice. I've also been explicit in advising them to seek professional help and that I didn't feel able to properly and safely help them as much as they needed.

Thanks for the advice
it’s like she’s got a fear of going mad

I did say is there anything I could do?

One thing that can be helpful is give them permission to be ill, to take time off, to have burnout. I would support them to take sick leave for a week or two for starters to see how they go, rather than wait til they completely collapse. Often people find it hard to stop and admit they need help so supporting them to do that is very helpful. Beyond that you can take it step by step.

I'd ask if there is anything at all I can do to help, and if not I'd make sure she knew I was there to support her if she needed me.

I'd try and check in often, take her out for walks or coffee, or invite her over for a girls night in. Chances for her to talk and offload.

I'm not great at stuff like this, I suppose I'd just do what I could to be there for her and support her.

The second one. And ask her if she'd like to go for walks, make a gp appointment, pick up an interest, go out, stay in - just be available.

Encourage her to get professional help. It doesn't sound like this will just pass. She doesn't need to suffer.
You are a good friend

The Claire Weekes books 'Self Help for your Nerves' and 'Hope and Help for your Nerves' are fantastic in explaining how the body responds to extreme stress and what happens if you fear a nervous breakdown (and nervous exhaustion before that)- including things like thinking you are going mad, catastrophising, horrible thoughts, they are very helpful and reassuring books that shows you a way out as well.

As a PP said - be really present and properly listen. Try not to problem solve for her and don't expect her to come up with things you can do for her. Its just more work when she's already overwhelmed.

Being a compassionate, open listener and gently encouraging a chat withGP, work, counseller. And look after yourself.

She’s seen her gp
who has offered sertraline anti depressants
which she’s thinking of trying

can be so hard to know if what your trying is helping or hindering

if I say you need to talk to a properly trained counsellor I feel like I’m saying don’t tell me or don’t come to me

You sound like a lovely caring friend.

I think the second option is better. I do think she should do counselling but maybe say you are also there to listen any time she needs if that's possible for you. Though do look after yourself as well.

Exercise can help as well, I do swimming which is great.

Thanks everyone I’ve got to admit ive Found it really challenging supporting her her or trying my best too
mahbe because I think what do I know

I’m no
expert

@Bluetitnest you say:

if I say you need to talk to a properly trained counsellor I feel like I’m saying don’t tell me or don’t come to me

And you also say:
I think what do I know and I’m no
expert

You're not an expert and you don't know. And that's ok. You don't need to suggest a counseller but it's ok to do so. You can say "I don't feel able to help with X, but I'm happy to help with y" I wonder though of you need to have a proper think about your boundaores with this friend. Don't give or offer what you don't have/can't provide.

Thanks I do suffer with guilt over everything, even things I know are not my fault
so I do find it hard to follow this advice but I will try