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Original poster

just a vent and a hand hold needed

14 replies

momager1 · 02/03/2023 23:25

Hi. I am just having a hard day (week). I am a 55 year old woman married to the love of my life. He retires in 2 weeks... I retire in 3. I have sold my business and we are moving out of the country ( I am from Belfast but live in canada right now) anyway... I am living with packing boxes everywhere... my dogs are so confused getting used to giant (shipping) crates. My issue is my daughter. she is being so mean to me. She works for me and the person that bought my business has guaranteed her job for 2 yrs. BUT.. she speaks to me like I am nothing. She is very very controlling ( I do NOT know where this has come from.. there is none of that with my husband and I) My husband has told me to let it go...not worry in 5 weeks we will be living in the carribean. He feels that she is only like this as she is angry that her big source of extra money will be gone. I love my daughter so much but he is right.. she is always taking extra money from the business including i just paid for her daughter (my gorgeous granddaughters) braces at a cost of 4000 dollars. I am just so sad

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 02/03/2023 23:31

Of course you love your daughter, but if she is taking advantage of you, this is definitely something you need to put an end to.

Original poster
momager1 · 02/03/2023 23:32

how? I love her so much and i do not want to lose my gorgeous grandchildren.

OP posts:
Stressybetty · 02/03/2023 23:34

Is your DH her dad?

Original poster
momager1 · 02/03/2023 23:39

he adopted her when i married him.. she was 14 and we had to wait till she was 16 as she asked him...and her deadbeat birthfather would not sign off.. even with no support..and an order from court for abuse. anyway.. my husband is her dad... his two boys are her brothers..there are no steps in this family...just family she is now 31 years old.. our grandchildren have been told that papa is the man that loved gramma and them so much that he adopted mommy

OP posts:
Original poster
momager1 · 02/03/2023 23:48

I should also say.. I love both of our sons and his exwife is amazing with us. OUR boys are ours also.. we would do anything for all of them. we were lucky.. his xwife was so very happy that I love his boys as my own. I own a restaurant and catered our sons wedding last year.. i sat with his moms husband in the second row ... whilst my husband sat with his ex wife. it was their moment.

OP posts:
Stressybetty · 02/03/2023 23:49

Sounds like she's angry and taking it out on you. You're putting your needs and wants above hers and your grandchildren's by moving away and selling the business. Despite her job being secured for 2 years, she's lost her extra money and will presumably have to toe the line with her new employer. Probably talked herself into the idea that you (and DH) are abandoning her and her kids for your happy ever after.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 02/03/2023 23:51

Do you think maybe she is stressed about you moving far away and missing having you around so she is taking it out on you?

Cakeandcoffee93 · 02/03/2023 23:52

Op you’ve earned it- Your daughter will be ok she’s a grown woman now.
It’s stressful now but it will all be a distant memory once you move.
im so jealous

Original poster
momager1 · 02/03/2023 23:53

no. we only put that in to the contract as she is in school updateing a very big degree... we work around her other hours.. she is a very educated woman but right now in this city she makes more money running my restaurant and doing her schooling to update. at what point do i quit?

OP posts:
frustratednomad · 02/03/2023 23:54

I'll hold your hand before I go to sleep, I also have a difficult relationship with one of my daughters and a son I no longer have contact with. It's so hard when they reach adulthood and go their own ways but you just have to let them know that you love them and always will but also respect their own choices. Keep contact with your dgc and let her know you will always be there for her too.

Original poster
momager1 · 03/03/2023 00:01

Just to add. ONE YEAR ago I told her that her dad and I wanted to retire a bit early and go to our fav place. She said OK so what does that mean.// we told her that we would walk away from the restaurant and sign it to her with zero debt...she said NO I AM MEDICAL PRO... SO now she is mad we sold even though she has known for six months whilst we sold our house etc that we are leaving

OP posts:
Brightblueskysunshine · 03/03/2023 00:20

How old is your daughter op? It sounds like she is confused and obviously angry but is she struggling financially? Are you two close? As children can often associate anger with grief and like most of us she could be struggling and probably regretting the fact that she refused the restaurant offer. Is that something that could be bothering her?

You are dealing with a lot @momager1 so please be kind to yourself. All this must be overwhelming and exausting. Remind her that you had given her the options and also that you love and care for both her and your grand daughter. Probably your move will help her in becoming more independent in some ways . I really hope that distance will make her heart grow fonder. Xx

Soozikinzii · 03/03/2023 00:27

I'm afraid this is very common nowadays it's almost like a new fashion . I don't have any clever answer for you just a handhold and just to say . We did our best. We did our best for them .If tgat comes up short in their eyes then that's hoe it is . But. We did our best . And we know how it feels to have that thrown back in our faces . Let them take over now . Let them do a better job. We know we tried our best .

musicalfrog · 03/03/2023 00:31

If you're close maybe she's devastated that you're going and is pushing you away now as a defence mechanism, so it's not as difficult when you do go?

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