You know you must look like crap when...

[imlateasusual]

Was in London at the weekend and was planning to treat myself to some perfume and makeup. I'm overweight and perimenopause has caused my hair to thin, so I know I'm not in my prime 😬. I was shocked though that not a single person in Harrods, Selfridges or F&M attempted to try to sell me anything or even talk to me, even when I made eye contact. I asked an assistant for a sample of a very expensive perfume (that I wanted to buy) and she actually looked me up and down and had a weird, almost like she'd smelt a rancid fart look on her face before spraying it on one of those card things and then looking away. Decided not to buy from her incase it's commission based.
I'm not upset about it, more bewildered at how I was 'seen' but purposely avoided, as if I was profiled for not being either able to or worthy of buying high end products.
Are they told to give their time/attention to a particular type?

@BigLittleOwl it was an MFK one.
The women from the gulf were getting a lot of attention, whether they were groomed or not. I read that they are the highest spenders, so that makes sense I suppose. I did do a bit of a survey of the room and yes it seemed that most of the women being assisted had a lot of lovely makeup on and the MN swoosh hair.
Thankfully I was warmly welcomed at the confectionary counter, so I know my station 😊

I had this at a Nars counter in selfridges in London so left it, went to Liberty and purchased there! I love Libertys I've always been made to feel special, however I look!

Some of it is, as a PP suggested, that some retail staff can only relate to people who look like them. Also, they want to make their work day enjoyable for them so they prioritise customers who they think they want to spend time with.
For example, I noticed in our local H Nicks that the people who were able to get a free makeover at the cosmetic counters were young women who looked like the assistants. Frazzled old women like me were turned away with “you need an appointment” (you don’t).

Many years ago I was very young, about twenty, was shopping on Regent street, had a few £’s to treat myself, went to enter store, salesperson said oh we don’t do your size!! I was a 10!! I was mortified, and scurried away, if it happened now, with current personality, would have demanded management and hopefully got the bitch sacked! I have never forget the comment😡

I've started to feel invisible too over the past couple of years (I'm 52).

I'm also perimenopausal with the usual effects: gained weight, thinning hair, tendency towards flushed face and neck...

I don't mind being invisible in shops though, I always hated being approached by shop assistants, it would often cause me to leave the store, as I prefer to be left to browse at my leisure. I always hated the pressure of having something 'sold' to me.

It is true you become a bit invisible after a certain age. And if a bit plump you are committing the sin of not being slim. It is awful if people look down their nose at you. Thing is, what they don't realise is that as the years rock on they will have thinning hair, become a bit plump etc. Society needs to stop disrespecting older people and idolising younger ones. It is way too weird.

It doesn't happen to me in local high end stores but it does happen in old money areas and London.

When it comes to buying make up I've found the best service has come from No7, Benefit and Bare Minerals - the brands that promote natural looks.

She sounds vile- says more about her than you!

I know I’m looking awful atm as I’m sick and my phone recognition has stopped working..

There was a thread on MN only yesterday where a young man on a Tesco checkout hadn't made eye contact or acknowledged the customer and didn't tell her how much the bill came to (and had sat looking at his phone and chewing his fingers throughout the process). 80% of the responses thought he was perfectly okay behaving like that because he was probably autistic and was only being paid minimum wage, so one shouldn't expect customer service from him. The 20% of people who expected eye contact, an acknowledgement of their existence and the guy to take his eyes off his phone for a few seconds were told they were entitled rich bitches.

As I've got older I've become more confident and better at asking for what I want because no one offers any more. It's why older women often get told they're bossy or demanding. We walk up to the make-up counter or wherever, we get ignored for a minute or two and instead of walking away we firmly ask for whatever it is we want. Or we buy it on line and cut out the customer service aspect completely.

I used to have this in my 20s when I was visiting my cousin who worked at various pricey make up counters in large stores. Now in my 50s I only spend where people are nice - MAC stores are particularly good I have found, they really seem to want to cater to everyone. But those big department stores can be hell. It is not just you. And I bet you did not look as bad as you fear.

PS, used to laugh with my cousin, because I did actually spend on expensive skin care and makeup at that point (these days I am Aldi and Lidl all the way) and could have actually spent money with the stuck up staff.

@imlateasusual

They do it because it works.

retailwire.com/discussion/study-finds-rude-associates-sell-more-in-luxury-stores/

Rude store assistants sell more in luxury stores.

I worked as a sales assistant in a high-end retail place for years. I learned you can never tell who's a "big spender" from how they look!

Harrods is a weird one - I suspect their snobbishness is part of their "branding" as it gives them a more fancy reputation and, ironically, attracts more visitors.

I'm very sorry that happened to you. I hope you still go out and get the perfume you want.

She was nothing but a poorly paid shop assistant who makes herself feel better by making others feel worse. Fuck em.

Yes! This was always my experience of working in luxury retail - I was the only one who bothered with the shoppers who looked scruffy which was very much to my advantage as I outsold every other member of staff by a vast amount.

I wouldn't dream of buying something from anyone who cannot even be bothered to make eye contact and say hello. It's so short sighted, particularly as many people aren't actually browsing, they have gone out to buy something specific and haven't felt the need to dress up or put make-up on.

See also car salesmen with women, often seen as just the wife of the buyer, not a potential customer themselves though less so these days.

It's a ridiculous attitude to have. Looking like you have money to spend doesn't mean you do, and vice versa. Don't take it personally.

I'm mostly ignored by beauty counter pushers now I'm a bit older, which suits me fine, I can do without being harassed, but I have money and do spend quite a lot on skincare products. They're usually helpful when I approach them though, if they were rude I'd go elsewhere

When you go out for a meal with your 4 years younger sister and the smiley waiter says to her " ah linguine vongole for you and for la mama?" Hmm. Ok. I've got a mirror.

Oh god I once went into a fancy perfume shop and asked to sniff a specific perfume, I'd already researched it and knew the price. The sales lady said "Hmm we have it but it's not cheap you know?"
I said yes I'm aware of the price. She just said "mhmm" and stared at me until I slowly left. Didn't even get a sniff.

I felt awkward for the rest of the week.

😂

I wouldn’t be bothering with harrods for a start. Pop along to a high street boots- cheaper and more friendly. X

Basically, aye, apparently exclusionary behaviour is part of the sales technique in some establishments. When I was a lot younger and better looking a salesgirl did it to me with a dress she’d obviously decided I couldn’t afford, she was really abrupt and also hanging around outside the changing room keeping an eye on me like she thought I was about to bolt for the door. I smiled beautifully & said ‘the stuff’s wonderful in here isn’t it? did you always wanted to work in customer service?’ To the beauty counter gorgons my mate goes for ‘aw, hen, that’s a shame, are you not having a good day?’ It’s a good laugh, sometimes they crack and behave like people again, others don’t know what to do, give it a whirl, honestly.

*want

I smiled beautifully & said ‘the stuff’s wonderful in here isn’t it? did you always wanted to work in customer service?’

What did she say to that @Rinkydinkydoodle ?

@ItsShiela She agreed about the fabulousness of the shop and stopped bloody stalking me! I don’t think it’s so easy to carry on treating people poorly if they point out you’re treating them poorly without being in any way rude or confrontational to you. Unless they’re a true master of their art, but that’s another thread (and another occupation I don’t want to name in case I get castigated)😂

@imlateasusual

I know the feeling (grins). Ages ago I went to one of those fancy skincare and make up places (Not SpaceNK). As soon as I walked in there was an 'atmosphere'. Neither assistant would look at me! I do remember not buying anything and walking out. I am now old and bolshy so would either insist on being served (if I really really wanted whatever or still walk out if I thought "fuck it!"