Any kind people able to help (parenting advice)

[Slimjimtobe]

I’ve a child (10) who is really well behaved to be fair and good at school, has friends and no issues at all but is reluctant (dare I use the word Lazy?) to help at home in any way.
my slightly younger child will help without being asked)

so tonight we cleaned the toy boxes out and sorted stuff for a family member (then he was asked to separate the figures from the Lego into two tubs and then he will would get a treat)

he started crying and saying I was mean. So when dh got in from work we talked and his usual weekend screen time is gone.

hopefully this will resolve the issue as he gets a lot of treats and fun times. But if anyone could tell me how to best deal with behaviour I would be very very grateful

Was the sadness and anger because your child feels it's mean of you to give the lego away? Feels that they still want to keep and play with them?

I actually reckon he was upset and that it's ok to be upset. Going forward I'd try writing a big list of housework jobs that need doing every week and ask everyone to put their name against eg 3 jobs they don't mind being responsible for. If you do them you get your screen time and if you don't then no weekend screen time until they are done. Explain the house needs running and everyone has to do their bit or you won't have as much fun at the weekend. Even little jobs such as take laundry to the right bedrooms to be put away/ clean downstairs bathroom sink/ clean mirror with spray and cloth would be a step in the right direction.

Why don't you have a family meeting where you've decided everyone is old enough to contribute to the household and have regular jobs? You could then let them have an element of choice. That's what helped for DS1 who it was always a huge battle to get him to do something if you asked randomly. Having his own job which was always his works much better. He still needs reminders but he does it without complaint.

Thanks so much for the advice

we are keeping the Lego and he knew that - the babyish stuff was going into the other box and he was happy as it’s going to a baby cousin

it was literally just he couldn’t be bothered 😕

he feels hard done by and I am mean (to be totally fair to him he is exceptionally sweet and good natured but just wants to slump around and do nice things all the time)

don’t we all !! I don’t want him to be spoilt though. I wasn’t spoilt and grew up in a poor family on free school meals and I work hard. But I have money now and I would like him to have the motivation and work ethic (age appropriate of course)

the rules of the house or list of jobs would be a good one to keep the boundaries

I have an 11 yr old and I found the best thing to do was to pick my time. It was no use me asking her to be reasonable when she was frazzled from school, she wanted to regroup and be calm and quiet for a while when she came home, I also found it beneficial when she wanted something that was an ideal time to request something from her! I wouldnt punish by lack of screen time at the weekend,the reason for this is its dragging an issue on and if your son is anything like my dd then she will have well forgot the issue by then! I thought about extra pocket money as a reward for little jobs but that wouldnt work here,but if she did a job or two I would reward by praise and say ok xxxx because you have helped so much and been brilliant how do you feel about choosing what we have for dinner or some other non monetary treat? Extra time up with mum and dad at the weekend maybe? I found with both mine and the biggest is 32 lol I always got more with sugar than salt.

Thanks ! Yes a Thursday evening was a bad choice on my part so I will take that into account

but it’s the lack of help / mucking in overall that’s the issue too so I will talk to him and say we all help each other. He went off to bed very happy and content so maybe a night or two with no screen time and we can play cards or cook something nice tomorrow night