So much guilt

[mumsybe]

I had a termination last winter my son was 9mo. I felt it was the right decision. I had reasons. And I was quite cold about it until it happened then I shoved it away and never thought of it again.

until recently. Even now I’ve just seen a video where apparently (to summarise) every pregnancy the foetus leaves cells behind wether successful or not. And the thought of aborting my baby and them leaving these cells behind I feel like a horrible person
i was 7 weeks 4 days when it happened

even now me and Dh speak about a 2nd in the future and people speak about 2nd child with us and just speak about it? I don’t stop. I think about it later

and now I regret it. It’s way too later to say that but I do and the guilt is hitting me now and I can’t tell anyone because I feel like an awful person for what I did

i just didn’t think I’d mentally cope with a small age gap like that I was so certain I’d get PND

You did the right thing for you at the time and for your existing child.

It's OK to grieve for the child you gave up. But don't blame yourself.

re. cells being left behind - this is just something you are centralising on to process your feelings. Do take the time to process them, but don't get fixated on some silly pseudofact.

You have to understand you made the right decision for you at the time. Can you access counselling services?

@OnlyFoolsnMothers I don’t know where to go I know certain things have a specific hotline but I wouldn’t know where to call for this I want to vent to someone because I can’t speak about it anywehre else

me and DH had a slight chat but he also regrets it so I don’t like to delve into it and upset him

I think it's very common for some women to struggle to unpack how they feel after an abortion, that doesn't mean it was the wrong decision. There is no wrongdoing on the part of any woman that chooses an abortion OP, it is a difficult decision and there are so many factors that influence it but none of them have to do with being a 'good' or a 'bad' person.

If you're experiencing feelings of depression or anxiety then perhaps speak to your GP and explain to them how you're feeling and ask what resources are available - talking therapy or resources they can share with you. You shouldn't have to hide your feelings or not discuss something you need to talk about with your DP to preserve his feelings. Life is difficult and difficult conversations are part of that, sitting on it indefinitely won't help either of you and is something that ideally needs to be discussed and gauged out before you make your decisions as a couple about a potential future pregnancy if you wanted one.

Resources wise, Samaritans are always available and you can call them for any reason in a crisis or to just talk.

www.bpas.org/abortion-care/considering-abortion/advice-and-counselling/ - some useful information here about being cautious when seeking out unbiased counselling and a telephone number to call.

OP I’m so sorry to hear this. Please try to have some counselling, this will help. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty for, you made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time. Please look after yourself and if you can, take some time off and do something fun with your toddler.

Thank you everyone I think k I need to speak to someone

I tried to ignore it happened for (coming up to 6 months now) even when it was happening. The process traumatised me a bit and o just tried to ignore it which I don’t think is good because I just feel like a horrible person now