Please help me deal with my boss

[Pileofjeans]

I'm finding working with my boss quite tough. Face to face we get on but over email and Teams messages (the way we have to communicate most of the time) I find him difficult. But also don't know if I'm being too sensitive.

Some small examples -

He will forward emails or work on with no context or explanation so I have no idea what to do with it, meaning I'm constantly checking what it is he wants (which I think makes him think I'm stupid).

No objectives or clear direction. I have tried doing this myself and asking if I've understood what he wants but he just never comes back on it.

I'll send him a piece of work saying I think it's ok to go to a client and he'll reply via email saying that it 'obviously isn't' ready to be sent with nothing further, leaving me worried about it until I next see him.

Never does handovers and then disappears on leave expecting everyone to be a mind reader.

When you go on leave never does the 'have a nice time away' thing or welcomes you back.

Rolls eyes in meetings, stairs at the ceiling, generally looks bored.

Constantly comes across as disappointed and unhappy with pretty much anything.

Generally unclear. Short and snippy.

Wider team feels similarly.

He's overworked, super stressed and I think probably lacking in confidence a bit. I've even tried boosting this confidence a bit (because while he's a shit manager he's great at his 'job' IYKWIM) but he would never do the same back.

I feel like I'm constantly worried about fucking up and it's making me anxious and unproductive. Any tips on how to talk to him about this would be appreciated as I really think I need to. It's 8.30am and he's already managed to do several of the above.

Sorry that was really long

Leopards can’t change their spots. That’s just how he is and no amount of talking to him about his communication style or lack of it will change him. Eye rolling at meetings etc is a form of bullying.

I had a boss a bit like that and it was awful. Made me very anxious about having any communication or directions from him because half the time I couldn’t interpret what he wanted.

Don't bother hoping for common courtesies from him either. “Have a nice holiday” and stuff like that is not on his radar. To him it’s inconsequential.

In your shoes I’d polish up my CV and look elsewhere. Life is too short.

Yes I think you're right, thank you for replying. :( Sadly I really need to stick in this job for a bit

I would agree with @Warspite . He won't change. Think seriously about moving on.

There are things you can do to mitigate the impact of this in the mean time, I think. It might help you deal with the anxiety, and develop some assertive strategies.

You have two issues here:

a.-A manager who likes to get the 'monkey off his back'. In other words, he doesn't want the responsibility of the managerial and supportive role he's being paid for, so he's passing the buck to you.

b.-You're accepting that 'monkey on your back' (ie: the responsibility that belongs to your manager) , and it's making your work life a misery.

So what to do about it?

1. - Change you mindset:

There are plenty of jobs out there; You are good at your job; Your manager has a responsibility to manage, support and guide you; You deserve and expect to be supported and managed in a professional way.

2.-Follow through with this mindset.

So, in the examples you give -
1st email 'This is ready to go out to client'. Not 'You think it's ok to to be sent out' (mindset: you're good at your job).

Boss emails 'obviously isn't' ready to be sent.

You reply - 'If it requires changes, you'll need to give me some clear guidance. I can't see how it can be improved further'. (mindset: I've done a good job - if boss doesn't thinks so he needs to provide some guidance and support).

Then do nothing and wait to hear back from him. (Mindset: Monkey is on the boss's back, not mine, until I hear otherwise).

If he forward emails or work on with no context or explanation - you keep to a standard reply - I'm afraid I'm unable move forward with this until I have some guidance about what is required - (mindset: You deserve and expect to be supported and managed in a professional way).

It will seem scary and strange at first - give it a try - start on small things and build up slowly. Always polite and professional but making clear you expect to be treated in an equally professional way.
It won't change him, but you'll be putting some boundaries in place on how you will and won't be treated in the workplace.

I reckon he is horrifically constipated so buttering him up might be useful. You say he is very good at his job though it he's giving no direction that means he;s very good at getting other people to do his job.

For the mails etc without instruction, I would send them back saying : 'I was thinking if a, b or c, what would you prefer?'
What do your colleagues do?