Why don't I want to go out with my friend ?

[ilovefish99]

NC.
I work around 40 hours a week, have 3 DC and a DH. I'm 50.

My friend keeps asking me to go out and do things at the weekend, except I no longer want to (with anyone, not personal to her). I cant be bothered to get ready to go out out. I am happy at home. I would go to hers for a night in/she come to me, type of thing. But she is an extrovert and wants to go out as much as possible. Weekend daytimes I like to myself so I can sort jobs/house/errands/see family, all of which I've not had time to do in the week - DC & DH are usually doing their own things at the weekends. I really don't want to be trailing the shops (she loves a good shopping trip) on a busy high-street on a Saturday - my worst nightmare.

Also, it always seems to cost me a lot of money when I go out with her. I usually end up paying for the taxi more often than not (or so it feels), she loves going for lunch/dinner and we split the bill but I feel eating out is too expensive these days. She then wants me to stay overnight (she lives 20 minutes away) which means I don't get my lie-in Sunday morning.

Am I being selfish ? friend is single (with DC)
or should I push the boat out and make the effort as there is more to life than jobs/house/errands on a weekend ? trouble is, I enjoy doing the jobs/house/errands and the feeling of getting the house straight/working through my home to-do list/getting on top of jobs. I have to have things straight at home to have a clear and rested mind.

thoughts ?

Decide what's more important to you, your freedom/ lie in/ money or the friendshio/ company/ opportunity to get a change of scene etc.

Or maybe see her a bit less often if its impacting finances/ free time

Ah, younhave grown up and she hasn’t 🙈 awkward.

Just tell her you don’t enjoy going drinking/pubbing anymore but would love to cook her dinner sometime.

I think maybe it's possibly because she's single and want's to socialise maybe with you as her wing person? Explain how you feel honestly, see how she reacts to the alternative of a girly night in and help her find people who are eager to mingle. Maybe get her to join meetup or introduce her to any friends who may be in the same boat. I can see both sides tbh

I don’t think it’s a case of being grown up! I’m grown up but still would much rather go and see a friend of a weekend than clean the bloody house! But if OP doesn’t enjoy it she doesn’t need to go!

You don't have to do anything you don't want to, but you may well lose the friendship if you keep saying no.
I guess if she has a babysitter she wants.to get out and do something, rather than have pizza and wine at yours.

Sounds like you just want different things from your free time and have possibly grown apart. Nothing wrong with wanting to go out and enjoy yourself at the weekend no matter what age you are!

It's not about being 'grown up'. They just want to do different things.
Bit depressing to think you have to stop going out once you hit a certain age, or you be deemed immature.

Yes, because being "grown up" means not wanting to go out...🙄

Could you maybe do the going out thing once in a while, every 6 weeks or so? Maybe she's desperate for adult company as she's a lone parent.

I know some people will say you don't have to do anything you don't want to and of course that's true but if you care about people it's sometimes nice to put yourself out a little for them occasionally.

Its just different life stages kicking in I think, going out is expensive you have to enjoy it to justify the cost especially these days, it's a luxury. As a friend help her find like-minded people, boost her confidence etc. There are loads of people in her age group who are still keen to be out and about, if she needs a child sitter do that for her perhaps

So your only 'grown up' if you enjoy staying at home?

I'm the same as you though it's not that I don't enjoy a night out but I have so so much other stuff to do, plus, I'm useless with a hangover.

She sounds lonely to be honest, I suspect that’s why she wants you to stay over. It’s a bit weird I think expecting your friend who lives 20 mins away to stay over especially on a weekend when you normally have family stuff to do. I think you just need to suggest to her what you do want to do and perhaps compromise occasionally if you want to keep the friendship.

If you go out when you don't want to you will not be good company. She needs to go out with a friend who enjoys going out.

It's nothing to do with the OP being more "grown up" than her friend but probably more to do with the fact her friend is single and knows she won't meet anyone sitting in a living room drinking wine! Would the occasional night out out kill you or should your friend be looking for friends who still enjoy socialising..?

This is me and my best friend. I’m the single one. I’ve accepted our lifestyle differences though, and just pop over for a brew or a glass of wine at the weekend. We do go for walks in the week sometimes.

Invite your mate over for tea! She probably just wants company and a change from her own four walls.

Hi OP, I think you are the only person who can answer your own question. It really depends on you and your preferences.
There are differences between the needs and circumstances of you and your friend, but this is common as people get older and their lives have developed. In your situation I would probably try to ensure that your get togethers fit your idea of a nice evening reasonably often but also perhaps do it her way sometimes?
I appreciate my friends and want to maintain friendships as I wonder sometimes if I might be lonely in future as over time friends can dwindle. So are your errands and housework really that important ? Try to arrange get togethers that suit both of you.