Don’t really know what I’m hoping to achieve by posting, but just hoping by writing it down it becomes more real and I can deal with it better…
For most of my life (am now approaching 40) I’ve always yo-yo ed with my weight, something I probably need to see a therapist for if I had the money. I had a string of bad luck in December and January with illnesses back to back , one of them being covid , and not getting around so much and eating out of comfort has caused me to balloon out of control.
I don’t drink and do lots of exercise so it’s just food.
I have a home camera and it’s been playing up lately, I had a notification on my phone that it was recording whilst I was at home and I viewed it and saw myself going about my day yesterday. I never actually knew I looked that bad. I do avoid mirrors and taking photos generally but I was so ashamed of what I saw and the person I have become.
I know it’s a case of not eating so much etc but if I go more than 4 hours in the daytime I get angry and feel faint, pretty pathetic I know. It’s like a drug addiction, only with food and I just can’t seem to break the cycle.
Physically I am fit but I look terrible, my size 18 jeans are now wearing at the seams…
I know this is an age old problem but I don’t know where to go from here. I’m going to buy some scales today as I’ve been avoiding them for years, I’ve always maintained you aren’t who you are by a number (BMI or otherwise) but I think I need to face up to reality and weigh myself so I know what I’m dealing with.
I just feel so low all the time, something that’s probably to do with the weight in carrying, all I want to do is to feel better.
Sorry for the length. DP and DS don’t understand as they are both normal
weights.