Am I a bad friend?

[bringedene]

I've been friends with my friend for over 10 years
I've posted about her multiple times over the years on here and had different views etc
Anyway she lives with her mum ,she's 37 ,doesn't work and has a boyfriend who she met online who lives in America (they've met twice in 10 years -not relevant just trying to give all info)
She has no other friends really
She never goes out ,if we make plans she will cancel,if I don't text first she doesn't text me but then when I do text she asks why I haven't spoken and why I treat her this way.

A few years ago I was in a bad place.
I lost my mum and my boyfriend and I was so so low
I spent a year with depression and I think my friend loved it-she started texting me first and I think she took pleasure from seeing me so upset (I know her and I know the way she works)
She hates anyone being happy and slags off her cousins etc for going on holiday -nights out etc

2 years ago I met someone and we are happy ,we live together and I have such a nice life with him.
We go away a few times a year ,have breaks in the uk ,we like going out for meals etc. Etc

I told my friend we are going on holiday next month.
Her response "oh very nice-if it wasn't for my mental health I would of been on so many holidays"
I replied saying "hopefully things improve soon-I'm here if you need me and I'm so pleased I can smile again after loosing my mum"

She then replied "yeah and who was there for you me ! Nobody else me! And when was the last time I seen you ? A year ago (she's cancelled every single meet up we had arranged /I've invited her over multiple times and nothing )

Anyway that was that
Since then I text her and she just sent a smiley face back

Am I a bad friend?
Does she want me to be miserable ?
Was she happier when I was like her ?
I don't get it

Why are you wasting your energy on this person?

Tell her to get fucked.

You don't need her in your life.

Sounds like a pointless friendship all round. Stop texting her and enjoy your life with positive people in it.

What do you get out of this relationship?

It sounds like you've been a good friend to her. Supported her when she's down and repeatedly offered meet ups.

I don't doubt she's depressed at her age with no job living at home and not going out. But what's she doing about it?

Is her plan to just revel in dragging everyone else down to her level?

A true friend would be happy you've met someone. Happy for you to go on holidays.

It sounds like she's got herself stuck in a rut about her life and is bitter about everyone else. The only person who can change that is her. Her bitching about her cousins being happy (and no doubt bitching about you being happy) doesn't change her life.

I think you sound lovely and want to help your friend. But you cannot force her to change anything.

This is what the dictionary says

"What is the true definition of a friend?

a person who has a strong liking for and trust in another. : a person who is not an enemy.18 Feb 2023"

She isn't your friend OP x

It doesn't sound like you're getting anything out of this and you'd be better off without her.

She sounds a nightmare. There's a reason she doesn't have any other friends. Don't mug yourself, get rid.

This rings a bell. She’s still not your friend. She’s a miserable drain on your energy, I don’t know why you’re still in touch with her at all.

I can’t imagine your partner thinks much of her?

Focus on the good things in your life, she’s not one of them.

Some people are radiators and some are drains, she’s the latter.

I hope you have or can make real friendships and then you’ll know what a waste of this has been.

Seriously life is too short for this shit.

She sounds awful. I suffer with poor mental health too OP, but that's really no excuse for being a grade A arsehole.

You need to walk away.

I have come across people like this, they drain all the joy out of just about everything. Run very fast in the other direction, is my advice!!

You are not a bad friend.

She doesn't sound very pleasant, and you really are wasting your time. Don't bother to contact her any more.

I'm honestly not getting anything from this friendship.
I mean if it can actually be described as such.
I don't understand her
I don't know if she's happy with her life and that's why she wants to be so biter.
She's been saying about her bad mental health for 16 years but never does a thing to change it

She's isn't going to change, block and move on with your life don't let her drag you down.

I couldn’t be doing with this tbh. I would let this friendship slide.

That's why I broke it down like that. I think you're a kind person. I think you'd feel bad leaving her in this way. Because you want to help

But the reality is you can't help her. All she's going to do is drag you down too. She's only happy when you're at her level.

True friends aren't like this. Hell I don't even know you and I'm happy you've got a good fella and you're planning some holidays!