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Original poster

Court order and house sale

25 replies

Notmyfirstrodeo1 · 27/02/2023 00:15

I’ve name changed for this as it’s outing, long time regular.

So the outcome from my divorce a few years ago is that court ordered the marital home, which exh stayed in, to be sold when DD turns 18, which is in a few weeks.

DD will still be in college, last year ending in June. To put the house for sale so close to college ending will be really stressful for her. She stays with her father and I equally.

Until tonight I thought the court order stated until turns 18 and ends education.

If the sale process is delayed until the summer, will there be any consequence to this in terms of the order not being followed?

OP posts:

RandomMess · 27/02/2023 00:18

Are you both in agreement to delay?

Even it is marketed the day after her birthday then photos and viewings etc could be delayed.

RandomMess · 27/02/2023 00:20

Even if you sold completion can be agreed a few months after exchange.

Original poster

Notmyfirstrodeo1 · 27/02/2023 00:22

I’m in agreement, ex is being his usual abusive self and saying it has to be put for sale when she is 18. Never mind the anxiety it is causing DD

OP posts:

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Original poster

Notmyfirstrodeo1 · 27/02/2023 00:23

Thank you. I just don’t want to be in breach of the order.
Is some sort of marker put on the property do you know?

OP posts:

BlueBellIris · 27/02/2023 00:26

What does your ex say? The court is not going to send round the bailiffs on your daughter’s 18 birthday, or even check the house is up for sale. If your ex is not going to enforce the order then there is no issue waiting to sell to the summer.

If he insists he wants the house on the market asap, then there is no way by the time you’ve agreed estate agents, marketed you will have sold by June. As others said you can agree a completion date after your child finishes college.

FrenchTrellis · 27/02/2023 00:31

We bought from a divorced couple with an order to sell the house. The ex-husband was very obstructive and refused to sign any paperwork to do with the sale so the ex-wife had to take him to court repeatedly (which he also refused to engage with). It took nearly a year to get a judge to sign stuff on his behalf. So even if you were in breach of an order it will take ages for it to get to court. Plus the house sale could take months (and months !).

Original poster

Notmyfirstrodeo1 · 27/02/2023 00:37

@BlueBellIris he is still in the house. I’m in no rush and don’t be enforcing the order before DD finishes college.

@FrenchTrellis Thank you! I’m hoping he won’t be obstructive. I know how busy the courts are so didn’t think that matters like this are high on the agenda.

OP posts:

RandomMess · 27/02/2023 00:52

Well he can put the house up for sale but you would still need to agree the price to accept, exchange date and completion date.

Sounds like he's doing it just to upset you because you want DDs welfare to be put first.

WinterMusings · 27/02/2023 01:00

Why is he in such a hurry to sell when he's in the house? (If it was the other way around I could understand it more).

if it all gets too stressful for DD, could she not just move in to yours full time?

what's the plan once the house is sold? I mean she can't keep up this 50/50 as an adult!

FeinCuroxiVooz · 27/02/2023 01:17

it takes months from a house being marketed to actual moving day, there's no chance it will happen before June.

if his house becomes too stressful for her she doesn't have to go. older teens can't be compelled to follow a contact schedule.

abusers are going to abuse. this is about power. you can protect your child from a lot but you can't stop her finding out what a git her dad is.

Pondweed · 27/02/2023 03:13

I think you need to be much more relaxed about this. He will be getting off on your worries and fears. I would leave the initial bit regarding getting an estate agent round totally up to your ex. Getting the property ready for sale, viewings etc all sound like wife work that he won't want to do. Not sure how the discussion has come about but I would leave him to take the next steps. If it's the marital home do you own it too or have some kind of charge on it? Even once an estate agent has been picked you'll be able to delay things by being slow to sign forms or checking photos for marketing etc. I think the more relaxed and unconcerned you are the less bothered he's likely to be about selling it. It sounds like you are near the end of him having any power to mess with you and this is his last push to do that. I would also talk to your DD about how long house sales take. Realistically if you market the property in March you won't complete by June.

Original poster

Notmyfirstrodeo1 · 27/02/2023 10:44

@RandomMess thats exactly it. He clearly doesn’t care one not about DD’s welfare.

@Pondweed the house is to be sold to provide my settlement from the divorce. This was the outcome from the court order.

I am aware of how long the sale will take.
Was just hoping that he would be reasonable and consider the impact of putting the house on the market before DD has finished college on her.
Stupid of me I know, but there we are. Of course he is going to take every opportunity to play the victim in this.

For context, ex is almost 70. He is retired, has a good local government pension plus he will have around £80000 from house sale. So hardly destitute. I understand that he will need to dip into the lump sum to live on.

The alternative is that I accept a sum of around £45000 that he will release win equity and have to remortgage my house over a longer term to reduce my monthly outgoings as I plan to pay a portion of my mortgage off with the settlement.

I know it’s crazy but I have considered doing this to protect DD.

He is not willing to sit her down and discuss things with her.
She is saying that she will not come
live with me full time because of her allegiance with her father, so will be homeless if he cannot afford a 2 bed property.
I know some of that is her lack of understanding around the situation. But I do worry about her mental health. She has been depressed before, and as a Mum I just want to do all I can to protect her.

OP posts:

BlueBellIris · 27/02/2023 13:14

OP so I presumed you were in the house with your daughter and he wanted the money, but it is the other way round.

Reading between the lines here it sounds like to me your ex is bullying you to take a reduced amount, and using your daughters MH to do this. It sounds like you are getting it from both him and the daughter. If you force the sale, it will be now, it will damage your daughter’s MH, she will be homeless as she has to stay with her Dad and he only can afford a 1 bed. So why can’t you be reasonable and accept less money and her let her have a home?

Your daughter will not be homeless. She can live with you. Her father can rent a 2 bed property if he cares so much about her. OP the court made an order that was fair. Don’t let him bully you into accepting less. Your daughter will be fine. Your daughter will not be homeless.

Force the sale and get your money out. The reality is the sale won’t happen before June anyway so she can finish her exams before any move.

Original poster

Notmyfirstrodeo1 · 27/02/2023 13:41

Thank you @BlueBellIris. I can’t help
but worry about DD’s mental health and I do think for this reason that the quicker the house is sold the better. At least then she will have some clarity going forward.

OP posts:

TheTeenageYears · 27/02/2023 13:43

What are DD's plans for when she finishes school? Is she going to be around to continue living with each of you 50/50? I appreciate it isn't easy on her and that you don't want to adversely affect her but you have to also protect yourself in the process. Having a dedicated room in two properties post sixth form is very much a luxury and one which it doesn't sound like either of you can afford.

BlueBellIris · 27/02/2023 13:46

@Notmyfirstrodeo1 absolutely on the certainty front. Courts have really moved away from Mesher orders because of the lack of certainty and because it is impossible to predict all the different factors will be in play at time of sale.

Totally normal for you to worry about your daughter's MH, but I get the sense your ex is making more of an issue of it (and worrying you) than actually it will be. She will be off to college/uni soon and will have to deal with bigger upheaveals then this.

You also need to protect yourself and your MH. On your exes proposals, you reduce your outgoings or increase your mortgage terms. This is not going to be great for your MH and that will impact your daughter. Remember fit your own oxygen mask first!

Moonicorn · 27/02/2023 13:54

Why would your daughter’s mental health suffer because her dad is selling the house and presumably buying another? Is he planning on moving away so she won’t be commutable to her college?

Original poster

Notmyfirstrodeo1 · 27/02/2023 14:03

Ah @BlueBellIris that has made me cry. You’re right, this is affecting my MH, I worry so much about DD being ok that it gets me down. As does this situation in general.

As it is now, I have spare money so that DD and I can have little breaks away, or I can top her wage up so that she doesn’t have to work many shifts as her focus is college work. If my outgoings were increased I wouldn’t be able to do that and I know she would miss out little treats.

I have spoken to her about this and she is sensible enough to understand.

OP posts:

Original poster

Notmyfirstrodeo1 · 27/02/2023 14:07

@Moonicorn her mental health is suffering because he is not making any proper plans re where he is going to live.
I have asked him to sit down with her and just have an idea of what properties are available and what he can afford.

It’s likely that he will rent so I know it might be difficult as properties get rented out all of the time but at least he could try to give her some reassurance.

I did think that perhaps he has done that and is just not telling me, but it’s clear from what DD is saying that he has not broached the subject with her.

OP posts:

Soontobe60 · 27/02/2023 14:20

Surely this situation isn’t new? Can your DD not talk to her DF herself? Your posts have confused me - I got the impression you didn’t want to sell yet, but then that you wanted to sell asap. If the house is sold, how will your outgoings increase? Who’s paying for what?

Derbee · 27/02/2023 14:28

I think rather than using your energy worrying about like you of this, and encouraging worries from your daughter, it would be more beneficial to both of you to teach her some resilience.

Shes 18, and is likely to be leaving home relatively soon whether for uni etc. Allowing her to worry about all of this so much, before anything has happened or anyone has gone anywhere, is totally over the top.

Her dad doesn’t know where he’ll be living, so it’s silly for him to have to tell her his plan and have it all approved by his adult child.

Your house is staying the same, and your daughter will have somewhere to be, with you. She can see what happens with her dad, and cross that bridge when it comes to it.

Perspective. For both of you

strawberry2017 · 27/02/2023 14:34

Stick to the court order and get it sold. He sounds vile and it sounds like he is the cause to many of the issues. Getting the clean break will be better ultimately for you all.

Moonicorn · 27/02/2023 14:35

Notmyfirstrodeo1 · 27/02/2023 14:07

It’s likely that he will rent so I know it might be difficult as properties get rented out all of the time but at least he could try to give her some reassurance.

I did think that perhaps he has done that and is just not telling me, but it’s clear from what DD is saying that he has not broached the subject with her.

Seems a bit dramatic to me. She’s 18, she’ll be moving on soonish anyway. It’s a house move, not a traumatic event - why does he need to ‘sit down with her’ and show her what he can afford? You seem to be making a mountain out of a molehill. House sales take time, he won’t be moving out before June anyway.

BlueBellIris · 27/02/2023 14:50

@Notmyfirstrodeo1 of course he hasn't broached this with your daughter, he's making you have all the difficult discussions, and increasing your worry. The grown up thing would be him saying to her, "don't worry the house will be sold, I will find something with 2 beds, you can remain living with me or your Mum" - if he really cared about your daughter that is what he would be telling her. He isn't because he wants to stay in the house and give you less money.

I think the only conversation you need to have with your daughter is that:

The house is being sold - this is what the court order says
Will likely take 6 months before this happens
Your ex will have sufficient funds to get a 2 bed property
She will always be welcome at your house and have a room

Don't let your ex bully you. Don't engage in discussions about your daughter's MH with him regarding this sale. Keep it factual. The house is going up for sale in accordance with the court order. I would be getting on to some estate agents today to go round and value.

Once this is done, you will have cut the last financial tie with this bullying ex and you can move on with your life. Your daughter will be 18 and so who and when she stays with will be a matter for her. You won't need to engage with your ex at all - think how wonderful that will be!

Original poster

Notmyfirstrodeo1 · 27/02/2023 14:53

@BlueBellIris I honestly cannot wait to be finally free of him!

I’m sure that when DD is calmer she will be able to see the actual situation.

OP posts:

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