Finding friendships and improving worklife balance

[Marasme]

I am mid 40s and in an all-consuming job. I work 45-60 hours a week, am the main bread winner and usually like my job. Most of my socialising (90% of it) is work related too. I like my work "friends" but they are not real friends; they don't know the real me.

I have 2 DCs who are teens, and a DH with ASD and a fairly limited social life (basically, work, chores, gym sometimes).

My hobbies are very limited - gym when i can / feel i have to. Cooking and baking. Reading occasionally. Travel is through work. Restaurant / eating out - through work too. I do have fleeting interests, which last for all but 2 days, before i lose interest and my attention shifts back toward work (and my lifelong passion subject).

My childhood friends (a handful at most now) are in another country (I am the one who left). My extended family is over there too. People here like me, mostly because i am a good listener. People often say how they enjoy to speak with me, mostly because the conversation is 100% focused on them and making them feel good. Which is great, but makes me feel both tired and a bit disappointed.

I feel that if i don't do something now, i ll be cruising towards a very disappointing later life full of regrets. I live in a small village with no sense of community (e.g. we do not have any clubs here).

I have no idea where to start.

Could you join some clubs?

You already have the start of a few friendships at work and other people who really enjoy your company. I'm not sure what's stopping these developing into friendships unless they're just not your people. You said you spent all your time listening to them but why? You can make it more mutual.

I met friends or Bumble BFF, meet up and through a specific hobby. But to be honest only a couple have remained close and then we've added our best friends opposite through both making the effort.

Honestly, when I think about it the reason is me. I'm way too busy with work as is my wife who is recently diagnosed autistic and between us we just don't have the time to maintain and develop friendships. And my wife is not particularly sociable.

So its quite a project developing friendships when you're so busy and you have to put the effort in. If there's literally nothing in your area you'll need to travel a bit

i have joined a yoga class in the past, briefly, when DCs were small and we lived in the city. I ve not really managed to meet people that way though, more making vague acquaintances.

I don't have time to hang around after.

Or i join a class, and work travel kicks in, and i miss 3 weeks of club in a row.

@Eas1lyd1stracted I don't easily speak about myself, and unless people ask me questions, show an interest, i don't volunteer information.

GH has solitary hobbies linked to pottering in his shed, so no luck there on the social front.

as work socialising with colleagues - i need a break from work sometimes, and as lovely as they are, when we are together, we speak about work.