How do I tell him I want a divorce

[Leaving2023]

Hi,
Together 10 years, both have children from previous relationships. There is nothing wrong with him, we are just like friends. No sex since last May. He is older than me by 20 years and this is now starting to show. I am 38. I don’t want to get any further down the line and something happens that means I can’t leave. I am in my prime now and he is slowing down. I don’t want to live like this.

Ive been wanting to do this for months but I’ve not had the courage. Financially I will be ok, I have some savings. It’s now getting to the point that everything he does irritates me. The problem I have is that he is working abroad, but I can’t wait for him to come back to tell him. Every day this is grating on me. Every day I talk to him I just want to blurt it out.

But I don’t know how to do this.

You sit down and break it to him gently. Explain that you're not happy, it's not his fault but the marriage has run out of steam. It might be best for him as well. He probably isn't happy either

Thank you. I’m worried because he is away I’m being awful. But I don’t want to wait and I also don’t want him getting on a flight and coming back soon. He won’t take it well I don’t think. X

Have you spoken to a solicitor about this yet? Now might be a good time to do so while your H is away, not necessarily to start divorce proceeding before speaking to H. But more to understand your rights. Do you expect to sell the house or buy him out? Are there any other assets? Take this time to research and decide where you want to live.

We are in rented at the moment. I can downsize somewhere for me and my children. House is paid up to July. We have some savings and each have a car. No other assets. I don’t think he would be unfair with me. Anyway, all savings are in my personal account he has no access too so he couldn’t screw me on that.

How long is he away for?
Are you looking after his kids while he’s away, or are they adults?

If he’s going to be gone a few months or more and no complications re:kids, I think you just have to bight the bullet and tell him you think he should look for somewhere else to come back to when he returns.

Your savings and his savings, as well as your pensions are assets of the marriage. Get some legal advice before you speak to him. Also don't assume he will be reasonable, there are plenty of threads on here that should demonstrate that you should not rely him being reasonable.