Crush at work. Married

[Sdgrth]

I don’t know what happened, but out of nowhere, I started to fancy my married colleague. Both are married with kids.
No, I will not act on any of it and wouldn’t do anything to jeopardise my marriage. Nor would I do that to anyone else.
We work in a high-pressure environment and have worked on something together for a few months. I noticed just a few weeks back that he fancied me, and to my horror, I liked it!
I am doing all the usual - staying away from him and need to work out the courage to tell my husband.
Any other tips?!

What's there to tell your husband?

Nothing happened and nothing will happen.

I feel guilty I guess. So rather tell him.

Am I the only one that thinks if you can have these feelings, it's over already?

Why would these thoughts arise if in your head it wasn't already damaged/broken?

There's nothing to feel guilty about unless you act on it. It will make your husband feel shit so I wouldn't tell him. It's normal to be attracted to other people but when it develops into a full blown crush it might mean that something is amiss in your own relationship or you're getting bored. Maybe tell him that you want to relight the spark between you two or something like that, but don't mention the other man.

It's fine to fancy someone! We all have secret crushes at times

This.

It’s absolutely fine and normal to be attracted to someone. I regularly enjoy watching my neighbour’s muscular gardener prune her bushes in a sleeveless vest. In fact I suspect that’s why she hired him! I don’t feel the need to tell my husband, any more than I feel the need to tell him when I watch a tv series and the lead actor gives me the fanny gallops.

Definitely perfectly normal to be attracted / fancy other people, even fantasise about them (we list after celebrities so why not Joe Bloggs?)... Just don't act on it if you're in a committed relationship. But think you'll do more harm than good telling your husband. Imagine how you'd feel if he told you that he fancied a colleague that he works with but that you weren't to worry... All you'd do is worry!

Is there any way to get your husband and crush together at a work social? Sometimes just seeing people from different areas of our lives together can cause certain frissons to fizzle out. I don’t mean for you to compare, but crushes live and thrive in secrecy. On the rare occasion I have found myself attracted to someone other than my husband, I try and engineer a situation in which they meet and socialise. It always kills the crush.

There’s lots of men that are attractive, sometimes they work at the same place as you. That’s the end of it.

You want to talk about it, to mumsnet, to your husband, that’s weird for someone who would never cheat.

I do not think that you need to tell your husband, because nothing has happened with the man at work.

I am assuming that you still love your husband and don't want to end your marriage? Are there any issues which might have made you more susceptible to having your head turned? I think the answer to that is probably "no" because you say you're feeling guilty.

FWIW I have had occasional crushes on men, either on the TV or IRL. These crushes do not threaten my marriage because they're just idle daydreams. I would never want to leave my husband.

I think it's normal for happily-married people to have these thoughts. I expect your husband fancies a few random women, too, but has no thought of ending his marriage to you as a result.