Feel like I don’t belong where I live

[Lostinlancs]

Just that really.

We live up north (Rossendale) and although I’m working class, hometown is only around 40 minutes drive away, we live in a normal semi (nothing flash), work hard are good and nice people (take cake to neighbours, offer to help when people are in need, donate to food bank, pleasant to everyone) but for some reason I just can’t fit in, the people actively go out of their way not to speak to me, I’ve lived here just over 3 years and made zero friends (despite trying), I go to the baby groups, do the school run twice a day, even strangers can be rude to me, people that work in local shops (Tesco, Lidl etc) are off with me, mums on the school run blank me when I say hello; it’s horrible.

Obviously now isn’t the time to sell up and move so we’re stuck for now.

Has anyone else experienced this where they just feel like they don’t belong? My dh has noticed it too and my parents who moved shortly after us and noticed the same- it’s so odd (maybe the old saying “nowt queer as folk” is ringing true here).

Sounds like my hometown which has a very hostile feel to it. My dad moved the family there and didn’t have to be part of the community because he was always working here there and everywhere, meanwhile we had to put up with the absolute arseholes who inhabited it. It was/is a very difficult town and I still hate going back there. People ask all the time if I would ever move back and I think good god I never wanted to be there in the first place.

Where I live now I love. So this current town you call home might not be the place for you but when the market is right you can look for a new place to call home and hopefully do some recces to see if you like the people too.

Are you in Bacup?

Due to my husband's relocation, , over 25 years ago, we moved to where we are now, in SE .
I still don't feel like I belong and really dislike the area.
Mercifully our children are now adults and have moved away so we are now looking to move too though my husband is not so keen.

Thank you.

Id love to move, I’m honestly so unhappy and I’m so gutted because we saved every penny we had to buy this house, fully renovated it, it was meant to be our fresh start as a family, it’s so picturesque (when you look past the smackheads and industrial estates 😅) so it promised so much. Unfortunately our eldest doesn’t want to move now and is so upset at even the thought of it I don’t think I could even if the opportunity came now, I really do feel stuck.

@Harrysutton close 😑10 minutes the other way

My previous home (luckily was only rented not bought) felt like this, on paper it was perfect, the house, surroundings, school etc. Turns out the only perfect one for us was the school. Neighbours judged us because my partner had visible tattoos. One of the neighbours knocked on the door and complained we didnt get one of the kids to clear their path of snow like the previous tennant did. My kids were 3 and 6 months at the time 😂 i just felt like such an outsider all the time, even just walking to the local shop i would feel them side eyeing me. I fortunately got offered a council house after being there for 2.5 year, literally a 5 min drive up the road and its worlds apart. Hope you manage to settle and feel like you fit in soon op.

Yes, I've had that. I've moved back to my hometown now and am very happy but the town we lived in when DS1 was a baby/toddler I never felt like I fit in. It was too (small c) conservative for me.

Only problem is where we are now is super expensive, but we love it too much to want to move. Can't have everything I guess.

Well I’m kind of glad it’s not just me, I honestly just think the local people don’t particularly like outsiders, but then when you do chat they don’t particularly like each other either 😅I thought it would have a real community feel being a cluster of villages and small town but everyone is just happy being strangers (and even rude to you) but then maybe social media doesn’t help with that (I’m not on SM).

I really have done all I can to make friends and fit in, the only thing keeping me here is the lovely school for my DC and our home that’s got our blood, swear and tears in but that’s it really.

If anyone can add on places to avoid similar so when we do eventually move I don’t fall into the same trap that would be great 😲

I live in my hometown and still feel like that. But I’ve also lived in other places and felt the same. I’ve drawn the conclusion that this feeling is about something within me, rather than external circumstances or the environment I’m in.

Is it the kind of place where everyone has lived forever and nobody ever moves in or out? Those kind of places can be awful to newcomers. My home town was like that. I couldn't wait to get out.
I feel for your child though, it's hard moving at primary age and they could experience the same as you're going through now at a new school.
Good luck deciding what next.

I’ve lived in loads of other places too and this is the only time I’ve ever felt like this, our last town was so lovely, I made loads of friends, always invited round for bbqs, play dates, camping trips etc. But here.. it’s just missing everything.

I know, I will only be moving to make the DC’s lives better not just different. School age DC hasn’t made any real friendships them self tbh, and they’re the most sociable out of us all too so their is definitely something in the water 😓

I am originally from Rossendale but have moved about a bit and didn’t go to high school here, having recently moved back I know how you feel. I thought when my eldest went to school I’d have new school mum friends but that hasn’t really materialised yet! Just thought I’d message to say some of us are friendly :) my DDs are 5 & 18 months if you ever want to chat!

Do you look somewhat happy or healthy? Not everyone will like that IME.

I moved to Rossendale recently (not too far from you, from the sounds of it) and feel the same, OP. In my last town (about 30 miles away) I couldn't go out without running into someone I knew. It was just such a friendly place. Here I feel utterly isolated and I'm not even a massive extrovert. But I did like meeting people when I took the dogs out and having a chat with everyone. Here, people look miserable and it's a quick 'morning' if you're lucky.

@Becca33 ah that would be great thank you!

@NastyNiff not particularly 😅overweight and somewhat cheery but I often have 2 screaming toddlers to chase after so possibly just look knackered or emotional beaten up!

@Chamenagered Like Becca33 said.. I’m here if you want to chat!