Would Residential Care work? My mum.

[HardSituation]

Hi all,

Almost two years ago my mother had a brain haemorrhage, she had emergency surgery and was in hospital for 10 weeks- two of those she was in an induced coma.

Fast-forward to now, she is doing well. Better than we thought she would but her attention span is very short and she was assessed for Vascular Dementia which they think she has.

The 'problem':
She lives with my dad, before the haemorrhage things weren't great between them but now my mum is angry all the time towards him, blames him for absolutely everything, doesn't clean Uk after herself - and overall I think he is struggling to live with her now.

The other day he told me that she said an old man is watching her all the time and scaring her, so he went out to see for himself and it was a white plastic bag on top of a pole... things like this all the time.

I can't have her with me full time, I have young children and would find it very stressful trying to look after mum too.

My dad sounds absolutely miserable, he isn't well himself and I'm just not sure what to do?
I fear she would deteriorate in care, but she loves talking to people and hates my dad so maybe she'd be happier there?
I just don't know what to do and my dad really has no clue about it all as he seems to think she could live by herself! Absolutely not as she leaves the oven on, bath taps on, loses everything - it wouldn't be safe.

What should we do?

Find her a good care home. It sounds like everyone would benefit including your mum. Don't feel guilty - she sounds like she need professional care

@bluejelly It would need to be funded I think,
as she was a SAHM and then never went back to work, they don't have much money and live in council housing.
I'm just not sure how all of this works and I feel bad about the possibility of her going into care - even though I think it may be right.

The other thing is that she goes out all the time by herself as she doesn't want to be with my dad; that and a short attention span means she's just out all the time.

She doesn't stop talking from the moment she wakes up until she goes to sleep...most of it is nonsense.

But she goes out to dentist appointments , the supermarket and buys things etc! So I think she will be furious if she couldn't do that ? And I also worry about if she was out but in a different area she may get lost?

I would see if you can talk to her GP and adult social services. They can do an assessment and make recommendations re her care needs. I found the social worker really helpful when my family member was struggling.