Child will only do things if they're "fun"

[FoodNotLoved]

DC is 8.

Won't eat unless it's fun. But can take hours and hours to eat if they have TV or Tablet or toys or similar.

Won't eat at school at all as they say it's to boring so often go 6+ hours at school without eating.

Won't do classwork unless it's fun.

Won't play unless it's "fun"

Refuses to play with anyone at playtime because it's "boring"

We think they use the word "fun" to mean "not to hard" because it does seem to be specific tasks.

GP told me to try them for 2 weeks without TV or tablet or toys at meal times, and they've eaten a grand total of 1 mouthful the entire two weeks, and have lost weight according to GP - we're looking at a referral for somewhere so thats why we did this under the guidence of the GP.

Any suggestion of what disorder/condition/issue DC might have and where I should be asking them to be referred to?

@WillowBeeT DC literally ate 1 mouthful for the entire two weeks, they have free access to the fruit bowl and never touch it, they refuse to eat at school at all, whether I send a packed lunch or put them on school lunches, they just don't eat it.

I don't offer snacks, they don't ask for them. They would rather starve than do something "boring". They have lost weight noted by the GP in this two weeks they've had no food.

@WillowBeeT horrible backward advice you have just given there.

OP it sounds like ADHD to me.

I would be asking questions like

What do you mean by bored? How can eating be fun?

Its not the end of the world to make meal times fun. Its not pandering to him Its accommodating to his needs which just happen not to be the same as yours or what's expected.

Can you imagine how distressing it would be to continuously not have your needs met so much so that you don't eat.

Hi OP, this sounds incredibly tough. I'm really surprised the GP didn't want your child admitted to hospital, tbh, if they only ate one mouthful in two weeks - have they started eating again since then?

@Laquila It was a test done under GPs supervision, I now am allowing the TV/Tablet again during mealtimes, it's taking hours but they're eating again.

This is exactly the same as DS.

I can put his most fav food in the world in his lunchbox - he won't touch it. It's just not the most interesting thing in the room.

For the most part he eats breakfast well and dinner well but not lunch. Unless it's food he really wants to eat and then only at home or eating out, never school.

DS is well behaved generally which goes against ADHD stereotypes.

He is a dreadful sleeper still too. He's better than he was, but still bad compared to most kids.

Re the fruit bowl and free access - my kids are fairly standard eaters (one has some issues but these are fairly low-level) but they hardly ever take anything from the fruit bowl unprompted. You might find that even if your child technically knows they have free access, they can't translate this into actually taking anything from the bowl without a prompt. You say "I don't offer snacks, they don't ask for them." Might it be a good idea to start offering? It might take a couple of weeks for the idea to sink in/for them to feel comfortable about it, but I would definitely start trying.

Sounds really tricky. Not "Fun" sounds like a simple way of saying it isn't a pleasant sensation for him for whatever reason, possibly all different reasons.
I'd maybe try giving as many "options" as possible to control the intake of food. If they are a kid who appreciates a thorough explanation maybe use food as body fuel. Maybe they can decide to have a smoothie and think about how many sucks to have at a time kind of thing? Or maybe drink ir eat small things from a container while doing some other activity like going somewhere in the car, or walking to the park, or even another activity at home. Basically don't stop "life" to eat, so no sitting at the table kind of thing, but just something you do whilst doing something else.
Best of luck getting help with this

My DS is a lot like this. He has Inattentive ADHD. So hope things improve for you all.

A feature of some people’s neurodiversity is a lack of interest in food and drinking and perhaps there is something going on with the receptors. I have seen this with ASD and ADHD. In my family, the people with autism really don’t have much interest in food and rarely feel thirsty - both have to be prompted to drink. They both see food as fuel rather than something necessarily to be relished. Any form of upset and stress means they don’t want to eat.

Does he have foods he likes and foods his doesn’t like? Does he prefer sweet things over savoury things or spicy things?
Are there textures he prefers over textures he doesn’t in his food? Meat vs. mashed potato? Rice vs. soup?

Sounds similar to ADHD. They only get a release of dopamine from something they consider fun; Unlike people without a dopamine dysfunction who get small amounts of dopamine even for ‘boring’ activities,which In turn helps them to do it.

I say this kindly - why ADHD and not autism? People have been suggesting both to you.

I think I know the answer, and it’s that people are so much more willing to consider ADHD in their children (and themselves, too) than autism. And that’s because autism has so much more of a stigma attached to it compared with ADHD. Most likely because, to the wider public, people with ADHD are seen as scatty but loveable and autistic people are seen as loners and oddballs.

Anyway, just something to think about. It could be either, both, or neither.

We have to play top trumps/cards:board games at meal times for DS to eat. He also uses his screen at times too. Had lots of negative comments about it from family, but if it gets him eating I’m not too fussed. He is 4 and being assessed for ASD.

Would your dc drink a home made smoothie so that they're getting some nutrition, but via a drink rather than solid food? Just until you can get some further help.

Me and ds2 are autistic and we find food related stuff quite unpleasant to deal with. Ds1 has ADHD and PDA and he has an eating disorder and over eats.

My money is on Autism.

But their was a moment there where I wondered about a loss of taste. Does he differentiate between tastes? React differently to different foods?

I had a neighbour when I was a child whose son had arfid

He ended up extremely ill because everyone including medical staff (this was years ago) kept telling her he would eat if he was hungry. He wouldn't. That's not the case for all children and is really dangerous advice

i definitely agree it is worth considering autism / ADHD / PDA and ARFID (and it is so encouraging to hear people talking about these conditions so knowledgably!)

i have one child diagnosed as autistic plus pda with possible ARFID. We work on the 'fed is best' principle eg. Whatever makes it 'fun' enough for him to eat. Throw out all rules and societal expectations. Ignore advice from anyone without direct experience of a child with serious eating issues. Gradually we have ended up cooking and serving foods we know he will eat, allowing tablet or tv and eating away from the table. He is a slow eater but does get there eventually so we don't pressure him to eat faster. Snack bowls work well. Just putting small bowls of different snack options when he is watching tv or doing other activities. 'Fun eating' eg. Smoothies, pancakes, popcorn, outside cooking, fire pits, picnics all work well too. Keep thinking of ways you can add extra fun to the process. My son is pretty resistant to new foods but we visit markets or events and try to model different foods around him so at least he gets exposure to different smells or types of food. Try not to worry or get forceful if one meal is unsuccessful. If you can build up snacking then this takes the pressure away from meals. I know this goes against all traditional parenting advice about eating but the first aim needs to be that eats something, and ultimately that he eats enough of everything he needs. We also used a vitamin spray before building up to chewy vitamin sweets.

@Jellycats4life I will look into autism as well, I did say I'd look at PDA which is on the asd spectrum isn't it? (My brief research last night suggests it is)

@WillowBeeT horrible advice as an adult with ARFRID i will go days without food if i haven't got the 'right' food, imagine wanting to starve a child just to prove that 'they'll eat when they're hungry'

honestly op this won't be the advice you want to hear but you need to just give in, let your dc run their own mealtimes, any change in their mealtimes ie taking their tablet off them because they aren't eating quick enough will result in them stressing out and they will refuse to eat again, honestly i think your gp was batshit to suggest it in the first place