Need a virtual hug

[Findingthisweekhard]

I don’t know the point of this other than to let it out, I’m just having a really shitty week. Have name changed but it’s pretty outing if you know me.

Have just come out of hospital with pregnancy complications, on modified bed rest orders (pretty hard with other dc at home!). To add to this it’s been both my birthday and anniversary of my mums death. So all in all it’s been quite a week. I’m literally a ticking time bomb to have my baby prematurely any day now at less 32 weeks.

My husband has been shit, shitter than shit. He’s not lifted a finger around the house, cooked a single meal, done a single bed or bath time, got anything ready for school/lunches. And tonight I’ve just broken down, I’m in so much pain I fed the kids early and gave them popcorn for a sofa movie night so I could rest, and when he walked in from work the first thing he said was “what is happening about dinner”. He’s since gone upstairs 3 times walking past the clean bedsheets that need to go up to go on our bed tonight and is now sleeping on the DCs floor. I just can’t do it. I don’t know what to do. He’s never normally like this and is great at proactively sharing the load but I’ve literally begged and pleaded with him to help me and he just isn’t. He has a work course in 2 weeks he probably won’t be able to go on due to impending baby and it will mean a change in his role u til he can go on the next course and it’s made him really grumpy but I’m worried about our baby surviving and he’s worried about a course.

I just needed to sob it all out I think

Oh OP how shitty. Here's a virtual hug for you 🫂I'm sorry about your mum as well. Do you have any friends you can chat to? Xx

I’m honestly embarrassed to talk to anyone IRL because I don’t want them to judge DH for how he’s behaving, despite how fucking furious and disappointed I am in him

Oh lordy that is shit. Here's a big 🫂 🤗 from me. Will say a little prayer for you tonight and that little baby of yours xx

Ah OP. This is really shit indeed. It's no excuse but sometimes people process stress and anxiety in a really unhelpful way. I imagine it's terrifying for both of you. But the priority should be you. He should be doing everything he can to take any burden from you.

I am so sorry. Sending you a virtual hug and strength to get through this. Is there anyone else who can help. You shouldn't have to ask with a perfectly capable husband but I think you need to take a step back from him. Not only is he not helping, he is making it worse and upsetting you.

Is he working in a stressful job OP? Not excusing his behalf, but if it's out of character perhaps he's struggling. Is there any way you could get some help even for a couple of hours a day?

I totally get what you are saying. I'm the same too. That's why I come on here. Listening if you want to vent x

If he's normally not a shit, I imagine he's terrified and is dealing with his emotions in a really bad way.

A lot of people when faced with a scary situation just bury their heads in the sand.

Might be time for a proper cards on the table chat about how you're both feeling.

If he's always a shit then huge hug because he's a shit.

I know you've said you're too ashamed to talk to someone IRL because of his behaviour, but I think you should. Phone someone (his parents?!) and tell them so they can put a boot up his arse. Shame on him!

Yeah you have nothing to be ashamed of; he should be ashamed for how poorly he’s acted and how he’s not been a good husband or father to you. Rethink this when you can

terrible drip feed but the anniversary of my mums death is a big deal for him, it was him who found her and had to do cpr for 15 minutes until help arrived, I’m very very aware it’s not grief top trumps but I always feel slightly triggered by how badly he copes with it and thus I just try to muddle through.

it’s just all shit. I think maybe a text to his mum saying please give him a kick up the bum 🏳 might help

I’m just giving you a big hug, OP. Feel free to sob on my shoulder, I won’t move.

I'll be honest. Cheeky fecker, it's your grief not his. I've had a partner that "stole" every bit of grief from me and made it theirs.
Regardless of what happened that day your feelings should come first, he should be looking after you, not you worrying about him being triggered.

You shouldn’t feel embarrassed over yoyr DH behaviour so kick that into touch straight away.
Priority is your health and your baby’s health.
You need best friend, sister , aunt , his mum maybe , whoever is best placed to come over and take over your dc care straight away. You go to bed and stay there.
Tell DH to look after himself or get out. Sounds like he’s got head in the sand syndrome
I’m sorry for your loss of your mum, must be extra tough when you’re feeling vulnerable.

Not defending him at all but is he just paralysed with trepidation about the birth and instead of talking about it he's gone into his man cave? My DH went into a weird, snappy, unhelpful mode just before DS2 was born and he confessed after the birth that he'd felt overwhelmed and handled it badly.

Sending you a hug, maybe go to a room where you can be alone (and comfy) and just have a good sob. You might feel better once you've let it out. Definitely speak to one person, a friend, family member etc.

Hope things improve soon, sending you little prayers x