How to support someone with depression?

[FishandChipsarelife]

Hi everyone

Regular poster but have NC. My partner of 20 years has recently (finally) admitted to himself that he cant manage his depression on his own anymore. He has had it for as long as I have known him but always refused treatment as he believed it made him 'look weak'. This has left me dealing with mood swings, walking on egg shells and having to ride it out when the black fog takes effect.

He had a particularly bad time last week and finally called the doctor to request anti depressants. This is a massive step for him. He psyched himself up and took the first one last night (they are a type that make you drowsy). The leaflet that comes with them states that he may get worse in terms of mood/suicidal thoughts etc over the next few days before he hopefully starts to feel better. My question is, how do I support him for the next few days but also going forward? I am ashamed to admit that I was starting to get frustrated by his unwillingness to seek help as I thought it was selfish to let me live the way I was. I know realise its not his fault the way he was so I want to do my best to be there for him and help him as much as possible. He likes me to regularly ask if hes OK but I dont want to be over bearing.

Any advice from those that have been through similar would be very well appreciated. Thanks all.

I've had depression on and off and I would find myself awful to live with, so you deserve a medal 😄.

I find it most helpful when my partner is a stable, calm presence who can stay rational when I'm not feeling rational, and reassure me that things will get better.

I have a friend who'd ask me to rate the day's emotional state out of ten whenever she spoke to me. So if it was an awful day I'd say it's about a 4, and if not too bad I'd say 7 or so. She really cared and wanted to know - I desperately wanted to talk about how bad I felt but hated burdening people, so it helped to be invited to talk.

You REALLY need to take care of yourself too though. Find a non judgmental person that you can talk to as well.

reassure me that things will get better.

I have a friend who'd ask me to rate the day's emotional state out of ten whenever she spoke to me.

These two jumped out at me, as he has been like this for as long as he can remember but had never sought help before I dont actually know if I have ever said this, so I will do thank you.

I love that from your friend, I will start doing this as often when I ask how he is feeling or if he is feeling any better than the previous day, he will just shrug and say 'same'. This will get him to talk about it more I think.

Thank you!

Unfortunately asking about how he felt on a scale of 1-10 didnt go down well at all, I was shouted at for being 'stupid'. Thanks for the suggestion though @melchim.